HOW DO I TELL HIM?

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My grandson is seven and has a new AS diagnosis. He has been a little diffrent from day one. and now he is in school it really stands out! He lives with us and his parents are not around much. We are the his parents. How do I let this little boy that we love so much know that he has AS? I know not to just sit him down and drop it on him!! He knows something is up. His IQ is above average, He is a A/B student, but he has trouble with other children turning away from him that have been ok with him in the past . We want to do this the most humain way possible. We need him to be OK with himself! We LOVE him no matter what.

There are different opinions about when you should tell a child. When I discussed it with my son I told him his brain worked differently and that meant that sometimes it was hard for him to do things that were easy for others but it also meant that some things that were hard for others were easy for him.

i used pretty much the same approach as aimless when my son was 5. i prefaced it with a reminder of things that he had already acknowledged were difficulties for him, such as talking to people, going to school, etc, and explained these things as being because of something called autism. just keep it simple, direct, and honest. odds are your grandson already knows hes different, he just needs to put a name on it and to know there are plenty of other people like him.

Excuse the typos - I'm typing on my phone.

I agree with the others. This is good as a "your brain works differently and there is a name for it" conversation. The easy lead in can be his own observations on his differencesm. Also good to talk about how everyone has gifts and burdens, and he may find his more pronounced. Mention of some famous people suspected to be AS is also helpful (Einstein, Bill Gates, the American Idol musician, etc).

We also talked about how knowing would help his teachers teach him better.

Most kids find it a releif, and age 7 is a good time. But if blending in is a priority for your grandson, it will be more difficult.

I think like any difficult topic (birds and bees, adoption, diagnosis, loss of parent), the goal is to provide enough information to help, and not so much as to overwhelm. See what he already thinks, give him the basics as others have said, and leave the door open for questions. If he already feels he can talk to you about other things, he will be able to talk to you about this too.

This blog post was my take on how to tell a kid he/she has autism: http://autisticspeaks.wordpress.com/201 ... a-for-you/

Lovely post, SuperTrouper!

Our son was extremely resistant to the idea that he was different in any way - almost pathologically so. After years of dancing around the issue, I found this board, and someone here suggested the book "All Cats Have Asperger's Syndrome." It'is a picture book, with cute cats, and each page has a description of a symptom of Asperger's.

We decided that since our son wanted nothing to do with knowing what was going on, we would leave the book where he could find it, and let him ask questions. We set it in the car by his seat, and he (being interested in all things cute and furry) immediately picked it up. He read about four pages, and then suddenly burst out with "I have Asperger's Syndrome! I don't want to have Asperger's Syndrome!" and threw the book across the car. I know he knew all this time that something was different, and that in his mind "different" meant "bad." (A real heartbreaker for me, because of course I think he's perfect, and it killed me that he couldn't see it.) I was able to pick up the book and say "Hey, those are all ways that cats really are, right?" (nod) "And you like cats, right?" (nod) "So, if it's OK for a cat to be that way, why can't it be OK for you?" He took a bit of time to calm down, but he slowly came around.

Later on, we went through the book and discussed how he was and wasn't like the cats in the pictures, and how one of the reasons cats were so neat was because they had those kinds of personalities. I suppose it depends on the kid, but having the whole thing removed completely from human social interaction really helped him a great deal.

For now I would just tell him that he's very smart but sometimes there's trade offs, like with cars. Small cars can go very fast but they can't seat a lot of people. Big cars can seat a lot of people but they can't go very fast. Some people are really good with some things but because they're brain is wired to be good at those things (much better than other people) they have trouble doing other things. I would tell him, that with him, he's really good at a lot of things but might struggle with other things.

I wouldn't necessarily tell him he has social problems because he might not think he does.

When he's a little older, perhaps 12, I would tell him he has AS. At 7, because it's called a syndrome, I think the only way he would interpret it is as people thinking there is something wrong with him. However, if he ever tells you he is different, agree with him but be sure to tell him that's not a bad thing. A lot of children with AS are aware they are different.

My son just turned 6, and I am still torn as to when to tell him. Up until now, he has not seemed to be aware or mature enough to even understand it. However, his verbal skills are improving by leaps and bounds now, so I think I could have a conversation with him now. My dilemma is that he has never ever really played with other kids or had an interest in having friends. He is just now starting to show some interest in other kids, and I feel like if I drop this on him now, it may hurt his self esteem and he will feel like something is wrong with him. He has been in special education since he was 3 yrs old, so he has not had to deal with other children picking on him or singling him out. However, my hope is that he will be mainstreamed at some point, and I feel then that he will need to know. I guess I will know in my heart when the time is right.

Any observations or advice would be appreciated.

I would like to thank all you folks that took the time to reply to my post. It is a comfort to know that my instincts were in line with the advice you all gave me . I know We are in for a diffrent path than we had planned, but they say that sometimes you find the most beautiful things on the path less traveled. Lets hope that this is true!!
I figured when we got him it was no biggy I had done this 3 times before, after all I was a pro. Joke was on me LOL,
Thanks again and in advance for all your help in this road less travled. I only hope I can help along the way.

Your compassion and understanding will carry you through. Your grandson is lucky to have wonderful caring grandparents to step in when needed. Lots of kids don't have the benefit of that saftey net. I hope you stick around here and continue to find support and information. This forum has helped me A LOT since my son's dx. While I am a parent not a grandparent, I can realte to your feeling of No Biggie! Our first son was easy as pie and I figured the second one would be too but #2 has made us learn a whole new way of parenting that I didn't know existed. He is in many ways my greatest teacher and I am thankful for it.