behavioral services causing stress

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Our regional center got us some services because of my son's inappropriate touching behaviors, that I've written about here before. We've been using them for about a month. They use ABA, including short sessions with cards called "tablework." The sessions are about 4 hours once a week, in our home, with us present. We're supposed to be learning how to work with him these ways ourselves.

I'm very concerned about how stressed my son obviously is by these sessions. He enjoys parts of them -- the attention from adults, playing games with them -- but the constant corrections of his behavior bring out severe signs of stress and I fear will be bad for his self-esteem.

I also think he finds the card work patronizing and boring, since he's a smart kid and can do them all "correctly" in no time, and chafes at having to do the same thing each time. But they don't seem to actually affect his behavior in any way.

And having his entire afternoon/evening taken up with this is also very hard on him. He's used to having that as his own free time.

So why am I not just canceling this immediately? Because I'm afraid that maybe I'm being Helen Keller's mom. Maybe my trying to keep him from experiencing stress -- by being made to wash his hands, for example -- is spoiling him and hurting him in the long run.

I just keep going round and round about this. I desperately need some outside perspective.

There are good and bad therapists, so if you have a bad one, that makes the decision easier ... But I don't know how to tell.

I have been surprised to notice how much positive feedback there has been from RECIPIENTS of these therapies. That is a good thing.

Which leads me to this: if I recall correctly, your son is old enough to have a say. He should know the goals of the program, and buy into them. He should also be able to tell you if despite the negatives he feels he is moving towards accomplishing those goals.

There were many things we started reluctantly, that my son complained about at the start, that he ended up choosing to stick with because they helped him with goals he knew would be important to his future.

My son knew that we wanted him to nudge him, but not waste his time or push him with things that were TOO stressful for him. He knew how to evaluate that on his own, as well. Sometimes he did need me to make a call, because he maybe over-learned never to quit, but I could assess that from his own words and observations, as well. If your son is the same, you give him a chance to tell you. That conversation will lead you in the right direction.

Maybe you could first talk your concerns over with the therapist. Maybe ask about breaking the session up into two shorter sessions or have a shorter weekly session. If he doesn't like the table work because it is too easy for him, perhaps she could come up with better lessons if pressed.

I have personally fround once weekly therapy sessions to not be very effective for my kids. They need to be worked with several times a week--daily, if possible--on a challenging skill, either with a therapist, with me, via computer assisted instruction, or video assisted instruction, etc.

The therapist should give you spefic lessons and exercises that you can do with your son on days that she is not working with him. I would check out the video modeling resources and other social skills resources listed on the "autism links" page of my free website. (See below).

http://www.freevideosforautistickids.co ... Links.html

You can also check out my free Autistic Kids Channel on YouTube ( www.youtube.com/user/vids4autkids1 ) to see if there is anything that can help you. Don't forget to check out the "subscriptions" and "friends" for links to other free channels that might have more social skills information.

Good luck! Behavior can be changed, but it often takes repeated lessons during the week and time.

I will ask, but the impression I got is that this is the way they do it. There's a gazillion rules and funding regulations so I am doubtful there will be much flexibility.

I tried talking to my son about it over a game of basketball... when I brought it up while we were walking home together he completely ignored me every time. Tonight he responded and was more positive than I expected. He said he thought he was learning from them, but honestly, I don't know if he meant it or was just telling me what I wanted to hear. He said he enjoyed the playing (which I knew) and that the main thing he didn't like, he'd found a solution for. (He likes to take a long time to enjoy his dessert, so now he has it after they've left.)

I can't speak for your son, but mine would NEVER say he was learning something if he wasn't.

I know that our mantra is remove stress, mitigate stress, but as the kids get older and have more tools that can and should ease up. Real life has stress. We have to let our kids test their limits on the road to growing up, if we want them to eventually have anything close to a normal life. But I do like to let it be their choice, for them to feel ownership and control; that just feels right to me, and more long term.

My son did a group therapy in 5th grade that he wasn't sure about going in, as he had to miss a favorite subject. He went the first time because he was told to, the second because it seemed like he was supposed to, but when the trial month was up he said it was "fine," and he'd keep going. He never did articulate what it was about it that helped him, except to say it seemed "worth it." He matured so much during that period. How much from the group and how much from ages / stages, I'll never know. But he's glad he did it.

I would have them focus on only the inappropriate touching behaviours. Sounds to me like they are trying to address other issues that are not his issues and soare making things worse.

My staff also came up with their own agenda about what I needed to work on... the biggest issue was that, in order to encourage speech, they tried to limit my typing. Oh, we threw a big (grown-up, mind you) fit. I am NOT about looking "normal." I've lived in this world trying to fit in for almost 24 years, and you know what? It's my world too. I belong here. Why should I have to say, ruin my own quality of life so that I can talk a little more each day, just to make others feel better? Nope, not cool with me. My world too. I will type when I need to type.

We've had to make sure we are there every step of the way with their goals when they develop them. If the goals are good, and if they are things I think need work, then all is well. Also, my staff has taken the time to truly get to know me and appreciate me, and so they have a good idea of what I want/like now.

We are not one size fits all. We are individuals!

Super Trooper's post holds a very important phrase, "my staff." The therapists work for you. Far better to challenge them on specifics than throw the whole thing out. This isn't being confrontational, it is giving clarity to someone who does, after all, want to please you and HELP.

I don't think they do work for me, I think they work for their funding source.

But I'll try to get up the nerve to call on Monday and discuss it.

My staff is funded through the state. They are still my staff. The state doesn't get to decide what kind of person I want to be. That's my job (and Mom's).

I admire your spirit, SuperTrouper.

My husband called today and they discussed possibilities such as cutting the hours or changing to twice a week. DW, I took your words to heart and we included our son in our discussion of what to change. He was more positive about the situation than I expected - though not wanting to change to twice a week. His main complaint is not having enough free time, so we're planning now to ask that the hours be decreased. Perhaps if that helps with the stress level, we could move to twice a week later.

Okay, services have been cut by an hour and include more free time/fun time and less corrections. They are still pushing stuff we don't care about. It makes me really uncomfortable, like it's a comment on what an abnormal family we are. I guess that's my hang up.