Pulling back.....excluded?

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I am going to be very honest in this post.....hope it comes out the way I intent it to be!
I am a very sociable talkative type of person, but can feel easily excluded....
The one mommy at school had a big 40th birthday....but didn t envite me....we are a group of moms always coming together after school, waiting for kids exct. Plenty of the moms assumed I would be there and was surprised that I wasn t envited! I envited her to my party, I envited both her boys to my sons party.....
I find myself wanting to pull away from all now and think maybe I must just isolate myself little by little, not sharing so much.
I was wondering if this has anything to do with the fact that the moms usually socialize around the sportfields? because my son doesnt want to do the team sports anymore.....that I am also not part of the group anymore?....The more my son is becoming isolated, the more I might become pushed out?
Or did my son say or do something inappropriate that made this mom think this is the type of people we are at home and doesnt want to assosiate with us, like swearing, exct
Does having a child who isnt very involved in school activities cause the mom to feel less part? It also hurts me when my son doesn t get invited to parties....do we then invite these kids to his parties?
I really dont know what to make of all this? Or am I being oversensitive?!

I am sorry that happened. It is natural to want to pull back. I think you are right in that most nt moms are absoutely tied to their children. If for some reason their child doesnt socialize with yours, that other mom is unlikely to reach out to you. So our children are more and more isolated with us as well. It is hard to break that cycle. I have noticed that also. It is an.unfortunate reality...many nt moms just dont look outside of their own small world.

I used to have a desire to have friends when I was younger but this is exactly the type of thing that has made me give up on NT's entirely. I will still talk to people and I am friendly but I dont want anything more to do with them. This is probably due to my aspergers (duh LOL) but I just dont like the little nasty games these people play. They dont like your kid because your kid is weird, or bad and that makes you a bad Mother. They dont take into consideration that your child or you may have issues as if the and their children are utterly perfect. They always say that people with autism have no empathy but I think it is the other way around. NT's like to stay in their little groups (NOT all NT's, I have met some decent people but these little clique type groups are bad news) and if you or your child does not fit under all the "club" rules than you are excluded. Why would you want to hang out with people who treat you and your child that way?
I mean I know, for me personally, its very hard to find people to relate to me. I dont like physical friendships. I do have two, one from High School and one who I have known for about 12 years now. I dont make new friends because of things a bit like what you mentioned. They dont understand me and they dont understand my kids and think my kids issues are actually due to how weird I am and their kids are so perfect because they know what they are doing and you obviously dont.....yet they will smile and be nice to your face. I dont like that, if you have a problem with me, if you dont like me, dont "act" like you do and then sneak around and "OOPS, Im so sorry I "accidentally forgot to send you an invite" which is what they would say if you confronted them about it. These people are fake and afraid to be who they really are as if other people cant see right thorough them. Whats worse is Im sure youve notice when one of the other Moms are out sick or whatever, they dont miss the opportunity to cut them down as well, none of them are really friends they are just looking for some drama and some other people to brag to about how great their kids are. They will also share personal info with each other for sympathy but then the others will use this to attack them and poke fun at them when they are not around. They kind of remind me of packs of hyenas.

I just confine my socializing to the computer. Its safer that way. I dont have to look at these people who I know dont like me but insist on pretending like they do every day. That is just stressful to me and I will typically say something which causes more friction. Its better, for me at least, to just avoid making friends with people who are around my kids or who I have to see in person. I have my husband, my kids and my aides and the computer that is plenty of socialization for me and all that I want.

There is the chance that it was an honest oversight on her part but there is also the chance that she is also a 40 year old woman trapped in the brain and soul of a 15 year old girl At 35, I no longer give a rats what people think of me, I am who I am, take it or leave it - in the grand scheme of things, does this woman's 40th birthday feature all that highly in your life? It is hurtful but you will move on in no time, and she will always be petty and small.

I'm inclined to think that it is related to the after-school thing. She maybe decided to invite the after-school mums and was not intentionally excluding you. Do you feel like you are one of her friends? If so, I can understand your hurt. But, if you're really just an acquaintance, try not to feel so bad. She probably has loads of people she speaks to on a casual basis and won't have invited them all. I would not expect an invitation to a birthday party from a playground mum, except my 2 actual friends. But, I understand how you feel. In my case, it was a lack of invitations for my daughter that upset me a little. One mum, from a toddler group used to speak to me for 20 mins after leaving every session. Then I heard almost everyone received an invitation to her daughter's party and my daughter didn't. I really don't care now, but I can't help wondering why my daughter was excluded.

In the playground, I stand with 2 mums (my best friend and my next best friend). We speak to other people, but the people next to us change every day. That works perfectly well for the 3 of us. We're not a clique, it happened because of an incident last year. We used to stand with a large group of women. One day in June, when we approached 2 of them, we realised they were arguing. One of them tried to involve us, but as we knew nothing about it and didn't want to know either, I walked away, followed by my friends. The woman who tried to involve us hasn't spoken to me since. My friends have spoken to her, but it was brief. The large group has completely broken up now. Our small group is far better. A few weeks ago, my best friend was in hospital and the other (whose grandson is at the school) had other commitments. So, as I regularly speak with other people, I could speak to some to stop me feeling uncomfortable (which happens if people are there and I'm not speaking).

Definitely pull back from this woman, but why pull back from the other moms if you enjoy talking to them? You might find a friend or two among them, and if you pull back from the whole group you will miss that opportunity.

I actually woudn't be so fast to rule out that it was a mistake, although maybe there are details not posted. I like to give people the benefit of the doubt.

Are you friends on Facebook or do you have each others email addresses? The last two parties I went to were Facebook and email blasts; pretty much everyone in the address book. If you weren't in the address book, you weren't invited - not because they wanted to exclude anyone, but because they didn't think of it.

Sports does make a difference, the simple exposure of it. There were many relationships I built watching games with other parents, and attending team events, when my son still played soccer. Without that, I have to work a lot harder to have friendships with the other parents. And conversation gets harder - I can't talk about the league going ons anymore; a lot of parent life is definitely centered on kid activities.

Invitations lead to invitations. If you don't reach out to people, they don't reach out to you. My goal this month is to make good on all those "someday we should's" in my life. I'm taking old friends and aquaintances out to coffee or lunch.

Yes...I really want to believe it was a mistake.....It wouldn't have upset me this much actually because I think this mom can be a bit difficult!
What got to me was that my closer friends has the same type of friendship with her and they all assumed that we all were invited. The one mom even said why was she invited and not me ....this woman doesn't even know her that well as me. I also feel upset because I really went out of my way to make sure her 2 boys were able to come to my sons party.....Anyway....I will just move on.

As I'm growing through my sons new diagnosis.....and as I do more soulsearching and becoming at peace with myself I'm starting to think that I am less interested in the 'small talk', chatting here and there with moms.....that it's actually draining me and I'm tired of some of the moms superficial outlook on things. I sometimes get the impression that people like the chit chat, and seems to care, but when they actually realize that others have 'real' problems and their own moaning seems inferior and not receiving that much attention they loose interest! I think next year I'm going to make new friends outside the snobbish school context when I want to start choining artclasses and so on....and make new unschoolrelated friends.....