Forcing special interests...

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Although I have a lot to be grateful to my parents for, they showed very little interest in me academically. They never knew I was autistic and my "special interests" were always pretty pointless. My son is 6 years old and he has been diagnosed already and i'm desperate to somehow plant the seeds that will over time manifest into genuine career prospects. I have become obsessive over his homework, to the point where he clearly feels uncomfortable. I have been teaching him Spanish for the last couple of years and although he has learned so much, he doesn't enjoy it and gets stressed when i suggest we do some. His first big obsession was Star Wars and this lead to an interest in space, so I taught him about all the planets and stars, but now i've started on things like atoms and molecular structure! He hasn't started times tables at school, so i've started teaching him them myself and i've even showed him basic algebra! I know this is crazy at his age, but i'm just so worried about his future! I know as he gets older he will struggle with autistic issues and I feel like this is his only real chance at life. His "special interests" are all very normal for his age (video games, football etc) and I do want him to have as happy a childhood as possible. His mother has had other children since we split, so doesn't have a great deal of time for him and I feel that it down to me to guide him.

Does anybody have any advice on how to find the right balance? Or will he just grow up to resent me for trying?

Well you cannot really force someone to be intrested in something they aren't intrested in....I mean how old is this kid? you don't want to overwhelm a child with too much or they probably will resent you a bit for pushing so hard. But definatly encourage intrests he has that are useful.

Not what you want to hear, but knock it off.

Very few kids thrive under such pressure. Your son has the right to his interests and the right to not feel that you're trying to exploit his interests. Sure, it's awesome to be able to hyperfocus on certain things, but as an aspie who is also a parent, I would have been *really* displeased by being pushed by my parents into anything as you state you are.

Let him come into his own with gentle guidance and strong support.

keep in mind that not all autistics have special interests. or they may have special interests that are intense but very broad and could lead down a wide variety of paths. even an interest in the single subject of star wars could lead to space, robotics, movie production, set design, playwriting, etc.

rather than guiding him, try letting him guide you. ask him what HE wants to learn, where he wants to take the subject of interest. your son is 6, let him have time to develop those interests on his own. offer him experiences, but dont force them on him. your job is to show him the world so he can choose what he wants to do, not to tell him what to do.

i understand the pressure you feel tho. my SO and i have discussions already on how to steer special interests into career paths. but our autie is only 5, and like your son, his interests are thus far those of a 5 yr old boy =) best thing we do for our son now is to encourage him that the entire world is open to him and he can go down any path he chooses.... when he chooses.

Its a good idea to set aside time for doing homework ,if he has any. Even at this young age it is a good habit to start but then draw the line there. For his age 10 or 15 minutes is probably adequate. A 6 yo doesn't need to do times table. He will get there in school in due time. If he has a particular interest in it and asks you to teach him then I wouldn't deny him that but as azurecrayon said, let him be the lead. When either of my sons show an interest in a specific topic we will often go out to the book store or the public library and get some books on that topic if they want to. They can read the books to me if they want or I will read to them if they ask. I try and make stuff available to them but not force it on them. Your post just reminded me of something I read recently about parents and the expectations we have for our kids. Expectations can be a good thing because we don't want to set the bar too low but we must be willing to examine our expectations closely and be ready to discard them if we find they do not fit.

I also spend a lot of energy trying to foster productive special interests with my daughter. If your son is uncomfortable, maybe your pursuit of his special interest has become YOUR special interest. Perhaps if you see it as that and try to funnel that into something more productive for yourself it would help everyone.

Unfortunately, we just can't control their special interests. Right now my daughter is into mermaids. Last year it was space (which I found much more pertinent and productive). Before that it was geography-even better! But right now it is just MERMAIDS!

Why is autism an "obvious disadvantage?" Many autistics use their autism to be successful... I've done just that.

You never know what they will latch on to. I think exposure is the best thing you can do. Expose them to all different topics and see what sticks. Ultimately, they will pick. You probably won't understand why they pick that certain thing.