Anyone else's aspie just watch other kids?

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We are actually at the park right now and my little guy (6) is swinging on the swings. That in itself is awesome because he used to be afraid of them. He is just watching all the other kids. He seems content just observing and has no interest in interacting. Anyone else have an observer like mine? Should I push him to talk to other kids? If a kid comes close to him he just kinda stiffens up and inches away. He will ask me questions about what the kids are doing. We are just enjoying the nice weather. Cool for us at around 72 degrees here in south Florida

I think what you describe is common for ASD kids and even kids that are a little shy. If you feel like you want to encourage him I would suggest instructing him on how to approach other kids. Tell him he can go up to another child and say "Hi my name is... What's yours? Can I play with you" If he wants to do it he can, if he doesn't want to do it today, maybe he will on another day. Just casually remind him the words to use and when he is ready he will do it. When he asks what the other kids are doing, I would answer him as best you can and maybe ask him if he would like to join them. Let him know that it is OK if he doesn't want to play with the kids and give him words for that too. If another child approaches him and asks him to play let him know it is Ok if he just says "No thanks" or "Not today". It takes ASD kids longer to develop interactive play with their age peers but it can and probably will happen for him in time.

Thanks for the quick reply! Right now he is actually playing with another 6 year old kid that came up to him. The kid asked him to play tag and my son responded that he wanted to play like "wii party" it breaks my heart to watch him struggle with conversation but he is enjoying himself and they are chasing one another.

I was so happy when my daughter actually played with another kid instead of just watching. My youngest son would just watch in play group. He did that for a long time before he finally got out of my lap to go play.

So tag lasted all of about 5 minutes and he was way slower than the other kid at navigating the jungle gym. so then he came up and said it was time to leave because he failed at catching the other kid and got zero points I told him he gets points for trying but he still wanted to leave.

Little steps are progress.

My son who is now 6 used to go up to anyone on the playground to play. but he didn't play the way the other kids did, he did a lot of following and mimiking or thinking they were playing tag when they weren't was also a common occurance. I overheard kids pointing to him and telling their mom "That kid is weird." once and it broke my heart and made me worry so much for when he would start school, he was 3 at the time.

He seemed to do fine in kindergarten, the other kids would always say "He's so funny!" But now in 1st grade they are not as tollerable and are noticing his differences more. He's not understanding their personal bubble space or 'getting it' when they want him to stop something, plus he wants to repeat motions and sentences over and over and they want to move on.

So now he's noticing that they are avoiding him and he keeps saying "The kids don't like me"

So now at the playground at school all he does is swing the entire time.

And his school is trying to tell me he doesn't need an IEP. I brought up my thoughts on switching schools and now they're willing to do a second eval for the IEP.

Autistic children don't necessarily learn more social interaction skills from interacting than from watching. He might be learning more his way than the normal way. During social interactions, he is sunk into something overloading and confusing and nonsensical, but watching social interactions, he is seeing what the other kids do and noticing patterns in their actions and making connections from the outside. He will gain some knowledge this way and be directly taught as well, and as he gets older, he will be able to apply some of what he has learned. I learned most of my social knowledge from watching TV and reading fiction and very little from actual social interactions.

Thank you so much btbnnyr. I never thought about it like that. Ill let him set his own pace when we are out.

I've enjoyed reading the comments on your question. My son is 4 1/2 but has been quite similar. He used to be painfully shy. Now he actually wants to play but he tries to play with older kids, and tries to 'butt' in on their games and get them to play tag, which ends up in them being annoyed and thinking he is odd, but he doesn't seem to get it. I think encouraging them but respecting how comfortable they feel and their own readiness is good. I think I might have pushed my son a little too much to play and now he tries but isn't socially ready.

On a funny side note, my son was also absolutely TERRIFIED of swinging until just a few months ago. I mean, he wouldn't even get on one except to sit still! We could give him one little push and he'd say, stop! stop! too fast! Now he is starting to swing super high. I am in shock. So, that to say, a little at time, they'll do things when they are ready.

Don't push him. Please.

When I was that age, I had an imaginary world built in my head and I'd swing on the swings or sit outside and just enjoy it. I did not want intruders into it. It was way better than other kids!

I'm sure I looked lonely there, by myself on the swing or playing house alone in those above ground roots of one of those old oak trees there, but trust me, I was not lonely at all.

It was one of the happiest times of my life, back before I was old enough to go to school. I could do what I wanted by myself with no expectation of having to interact with other people!

I'd ask him if he wants to play with the other kids and if he says no, accept that. If he says yes, then help him get to know them. Play yourself with them if he does. Parents of young kids like that can play. Parents of older kids don't get to play anymore.

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I'm giving it another shot. We will see.
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Thank you olive oil for that "inside" perspective. I think he is very content with me being his main playmate because I play along with whatever game he wants to play. I think he gets enough of other kids at school. We will spend winter break doing just that a break! Thanks so much.