Ways to discourage/redirect a new special interest

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Seth is my step-son and when I met him at age 6, his narrow interest was vacuum cleaners. That lasted a couple of years and then his interest shifted to trains. That went on for a couple of years until his interest shifted to Star Wars.

Star Wars is more socially acceptable for his age, and more multidimensional in some ways as the films are currently tied into video and board games, books, there are light saber toys, and tons of different Lego kits and there is a current animated TV series related to the Clone Wars. I was a big Star Wars fan as a child, so it's a topic I can actually discuss with him somewhat intelligently.

However, lately I've noticed that he is starting to fixate more and more on the militaristic aspect of Star Wars, and especially with weaponry. At first it was just Star Wars related weaponry, like blasters, light sabers, and x-wing fighters etc. but lately he's started to watch videos and read reviews for non-Star Wars related weapons.

He became fixated on getting an Air Soft gun for his birthday. They are toy pellet guns but they are designed to look like exact replicas of real weapons. Children (one this past week even) have been killed by police while holding these toy guns. I was dead set against him having one, but he keeps begging and pleading day after day after day. Finally he made one from Lego pneumatics which I was fine with, because no police officer will confuse his inventive device with a real gun.

Still, I will see him watching videos of men dressed in camo running around with large automatic weapons. When I ask him what he's watching he always says it's related to Air Soft guns and gun play.

When we were back in the Midwest for the holidays, I heard him talking to his cousins about what types of guns he wanted, and he was rattling off all these stats about magazine size and fire-rate etc.

My husband actually took him to the firing range to practice shooting a .22 caliber hunting rifle, but he's not interested in that type of gun. He likes the personal defense style automatic guns.

It makes me really worried, because I'm afraid his interest will shift from Star Wars (it's been a couple of years now) to guns in general. I know young boys are interested in guns, but you know how it is with a narrow interest...it looks like obsession from the outside...and some interests are more socially acceptable than others. Also, he is starting to go through puberty and he's becoming much more aggressive/angry and his impulse control is next to nil. One of his new verbal ticks is to make a shooting noise that sounds like a machine gun and it's pretty realistic sounding. He also makes "finger" guns with each hand while he's making this shooting noise...and it's not like he's doing this while running around playing with other kids, it will just be....like at the dinner table or in the living room and if something gets him excited or anxious he'll start with the shooting. It's almost involuntary.

Anyway, I'm wondering if there are any tips for gently redirecting a budding special interest? Will *not* allowing him to have an Air Soft gun (or watch shooting videos on YouTube) or whatever, just cause him to become even more fixated on them? Has anyone else had a similar situation where they're child developed an inappropriate special interest?

From personal experience, I showed interest in the military when I was younger. Up until that point I was the scrawniest, clumsiest, least likely person in the universe to show interest in the military. For this reason, my parents were stalwartly opposed to my interest in joining the cadets. I wasn't strong enough they said, so I lifted weights in my room like my computer. I was too smart for the military they said, so I let my grades slide. Every attempt they made to reroute my interest was failed. There was no compromise. Moreover, my interest manifested itself in other ways, my grades, my physical health, my borrowing of library books on the military. Eventually my parents cracked and I joined the local air cadet corps, I'm joining the reserves next year.

Your son has an interest which would be hard to reroute. The defining characteristic of Asperger's Syndrome is our narrowed interests, after all. His interest also seems to be manifesting itself in other ways, the building of the lego gun. I understand it would probably be a bad idea to give him an air soft rifle, I'd never give a child of mine one. But try to find some compromise if you possibly can. If you want my advice, if your son is 11 or older, he can join a cadet corps. Most of them do safe training with air soft rifles on ranges. The cadets corps owns and keeps the actual guns, and there's always instructors to oversee your shooting. Every cadet group has different schedules, of course, but for my group, range met every Saturday, which I think is plenty of shooting time.

unless he starts talking about killing people its ok. get him interested in united states military. have him read all those guidelines recruitment ads and stuff. that will get him bored of the whole thing quick, and if not he will have a career ahead of him.

We have this, and still struggle with it. It is not uncommon in AS children who don't feel safe; Tony Attwood mentions it specifically in the Complete Guide to Asperger's: my son's started as a mild interest in superheroes, then an intense one, then a focus on guns - and then we found that he had been being bullied at school.

Unfortunately, I don't have any tips on managing it, except we told my son (and I'm still not sure if this was a good idea or not) that him having any kinds of gun toys, etc. was dependent on him eliminating violent behavior. (our house rule, for all of us: no angry touching.) He did finally get hitting under control, it took him well over a year with all kinds of supports and therapies and it got way worse before it got better, but he finally succeeded in going several weeks without hitting anybody - and successfully kept it up for well over a year now.

So now he has a collection of toy guns that is pretty outrageous. He'd been talking about joining the military and we told him he could do ROTC when he got to high school - but he seems to be less interested in that now. The pragmatic speech classes and social skills classes had a definite effect on this interest: as his skills improved, he felt less insecure, and the guns became more about engineering and less about violence.

I found it easier to try to support his other interests, and to make sure we're offering media with a prosocial message than to eliminate the toy guns after he'd earned them. He likes animals, and shows them a lot of the empathy he still struggles with with peers, so I do everything I can to encourage that interest: visits to pet stores, I even went so far as to suggest we might shell out a couple grand for a pair of Sugar Gliders and a setup for them (fortunately, a young dog came into our lives that seems to be filling that need!) We try to push science/engineering shows on TV as he likes that, too.

Hmmm this is a tough one. Are you in the United States? Replica guns are supposed to have an orange tip so cops don't mistake them for the real thing--not that I am suggesting you get one for so young a kid.

I think what you need to find out is WHY he likes guns so much. How did the interest start? It is because he is feeling insecure for some reason? Has he ever said he wants to use guns to hurt someone?

I could see liking guns. I went through that very same special interest, but I was 19. It lasted until I was 22. The range is a good idea. Of course a .22 isn't that much fun to shoot. (I'm AS, my husband and kids are NT)

Why not get him an air soft gun and some targets for the back yard. Target shooting is great for motor skills. I couldn't aim for anything when I first started shooting. My youger son has an air soft gun. They shoot in the yard or woods with it, but then again, where we live kids his age (16) and also much younger, have their own shotguns and rifles and go hunting. My older son went hunting alone with his friend when both of them were 14. You aren't likely to get shot by a cop for walking around with a real gun in this town, much less a bb gun.

Also, is there a paint ball place near you? That looks like so much fun! You could take him there and have teams. The idea is to "kill" the other team. It doesn't hurt to get shot with one, we have had them and played in the yard with them, and the woods.

I really wouldn't worry about it if I were you. Like someone else said, unless he starts talking about killing people for real, let it go. Not every school kid who likes guns is going to start a Columbine. In fact, most wont. Most of the boys at the local high school have gun racks in their trucks and loaded shotguns in them. They are parked in the lot furtherest from the school, but not banne because many boys go hunting early in the morning before school, then come to school in their cammo's. I live in the country. The deep, deep backwoods country.

Get him a subscription to guns and ammo. See if he enjoys it. He could end up turning it into a career as a gunsmith you know.

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My mum never let me have toy guns when I was younger and it just made me more interested in them. I say get him some sort of toy, but nothing with actual power to do any sort of harm. The interest will die down on its own if you don't make it more alluring.

I you worried about his interest or how others will see his interest?

if the first one i can give you some comfort i was into that kind of stuff I'm in no way a violent person just because he is interested in guns dose not lead to problems in of its self

that said you may have some successes into getting interested in more historical warfare that's sort of what happened to me it goes from guns are cool to tanks are cool to the historical bases for different weapons and while it is still the same obsestion you end up learning about the history for me its WWII mostly but at the end you you can say your kids a history buff which is a bit more acceptable


that siad there may be nothing to do but wait for it to blow over

That's a tough one...I have had nil success with redirecting special interests...currently one of my daughter's outlets is to draw very realistic/beautiful tattoos all over herself. One day she came home from school with a very detailed full arm tattoo. I don't worry about her getting into real tattoos because of a terribly low pain threshold, but she's really into this. So I got her a whole set of nice markers for Christmas so she can continue this work. It's been my understanding over time and the things I got involved with that my parents really were dead set against...is that the more you force the issue with a child/youth, the more they hold onto it. My daughter also had a year long obsession with Star wars....and for a while this summer, she would throw knives at her door....asked for a punching bag...etc. I think the basic issue is she sometimes needs an outlet for her aggressive feelings. I think it's important to let him talk it out...research his interest....while at the same time saying to him..."You can't have these guns because of XYZ." Pull out your own research and let him know the dangerous side, and why you choose not to get him those guns.

I don't know how your son is, but with my daughter...after a period of time, the obsession will pass. For instance, for a while she was obsessed with the Mayan calander and the world's end in 2012. However, she came to be so involved in the research, and watched documentarys (ad nauseum), and realized that what she had believed wasn't true...so she revised her theory. Then she moved onto something else...her obsessions tend to last from 6 months to a year, with only a few (history/geography) lasting longer than that.

I guess the best I can offer is try and help him move through his obsession/fixation. Listen, be aware and realize that it's good if he's talking to you about it....don't shut that down.

Also...my BIL in the deep south got my neice a gun for her 9th birthday....I think a pelet gun. He takes her out for shooting lessons and works on gun safety. I wasn't "thrilled" with this..but realized it was just my social perception...my own uncles took me out for rifle practice when I was a kid and I've never shot anyone.

One thing your husband can do to show your child how dangerous guns are, so that he does respect them even though he enjoys them is to get a melon like a canteloupe or honeydew. Put it in the back yard and shoot it with the gun. I'm not sure what a .22 would do but with my kids I used a .357 and it exploded. I told them imagine what it can do to a person, so you can never, ever point a gun at someone. They can just go off so you never ever touch a loaded gun unless you are hunting, and always assume that every gun is loaded unless you check and double check to verify that it isn't.

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I know I mentioned this in another similar thread, but I was not allowed to play with toy guns as a child and guns are the only consistent special interest I've ever had. I even went to gunsmithing school in Denver, which was very out of my comfort zone, in order to pursue the interest, and possess a large arsenal and the machine shop to maintain/modify them. Never been violent, never been arrested; if anything I'm much calmer for the guns because I understand the potential consequences of misusing them, not the least of which would be losing the privilege of owning them.

I also played paintball and (much later) airsoft, and before that did manage to amass a collection of cap and bb guns at my father's house, as his rules were different than my mothers (though she later relented in my teens). Even back then I was tinkering with the things as much as I was shooting them; my bb guns had silencers, I figured out how to bypass the disconnecter in my paintball gun to make it shoot full auto (now they do this with a microchip and an electronic fire control system), and built a truly dangerous device by mating a .40 caliber blowgun barrel to a .68 caliber paintball gun receiver. That last one would punch a steel dart through a 2X4, or a plastic "stunner" dart through a full can of soda; I built a similar device as an adult to discourage deer from eating my garden.

Anyway, my point is that it's not necessarily a negative interest and may even lead to an interesting, if not terribly lucrative career. Or it may pass, as others have pointed out it can be entirely unpredictable which interests "stick" and which ones fall by the wayside.

Why redirect it? Teach him how dangerous guns are but don't discourage him from enjoying the subject, kids get all sorts of odd special interests and they usually pass.

I am certain that an interest in weapons in and of itself is nothing to worry about, and that probably hundreds of Aspies can say what's being said here.

That being said, when this interest is combined with a lack of impulse control, aggression and someone who has made threats of harm to him or herself or other people (I don't remember about the latter, but wasn't the former discussed in other places by this poster?) I think it is something to monitor and be careful of. Limiting access to violent media/toys is SOP for any child displaying violent behavior for whatever reason. http://www.myaspergerschild.com/2011/08 ... ldren.html http://www.myaspergerschild.com/2010/11 ... rents.html

I thought this was a really good article on where to start with aggressive behavior: http://addadhdadvances.com/aspergersaggression.html

With my son, we were explicit in explaining that the reason he didn't have access was his behavior, when the behavior stopped, he got access. This may or may not work for everyone, but my main point is that there isn't a one-size-fits-all answer to this question.

I think a boy's interest in weapons is pretty much hardwired. I remember when I took a walk through the woods with my parents as a kid, I'd pick up sticks and branches and carry them with me like a spear. But my parents never let me play with toy guns or other military weapons.

When I was 16, I bought 3 bayonets at a flea market and hung them up on my wall. I saw them as collector's items rather than weapons, and just liked to look at them or hold them. Then I turned 18 and was able to legally buy weapons and replicas of all sorts, and soon my walls were covered in swords, katanas, throwing stars and whatnot What a waste of money in hindsight. I'm sure my parents were a bit freaked out by my obsession. I also bought a CS gas / starter pistol with a barrel extension for flares and shot flares into the air on New Year's Eve. At age 21 or 22, I suddenly lost my interest in weapons, and my entire collection went onto the attic.

So this is probably a perfectly normal phase. I would just let this obsession run its course. You could try to encourage your stepson's interest in replicas and discourage him from real guns. If he's anything like I was at that age, it is more about collecting, owning and holding weapons than about actually using one. Replicas of Star Wars blasters and -lasers might also interest him and could redirect his fascination with guns back to Star Wars merchandise.

I like the ideas about giving him literature about guns, talking to him about the military, etc. That's kind of a way of allowing his interests to flourish without directly indulging them. I personally wouldn't recommend buying the Aerosoft gun - I once talked to a former friend of mine and he told me that his younger brother went after him with one of those once - and apparently, they HURT if they're shot at people. But, from the sound of things, you weren't planning on buying it for him anyway, so, just feel free to ignore that.

But yeah, I don't see how you could go wrong with giving him information about guns - such as Guns and Ammo, as another poster suggested. Or, if his dad's into hunting, maybe it could become something that the two of them enjoy doing together as a father - son thing...I personally don't really agree with hunting, but it's a possibility that it could become a bonding thing for the two of them...sorry, not trying to imply that they're not already "bonded"...

What a couple other posters mentioned about "not feeling safe" really jumped out at me...I'm not AS really (just a few traits here and there) but a couple of my interests are cars and the Transformers (the Autobots in particular). When I say "Cars," I actually mean anthropomorphized Cars - like the characters in the Pixar movies. I don't know why this is, myself, but for me, anthro Cars are guardians, protectors...they're fast, they're large, many of them completely dwarf humans in terms of size, etc. My interest in Cars really took off when I was going thru a really bad experience around the time the first Cars movie came out - I was 14 and my mother was forcing me to go to this "day camp" that was really a thinly - disguised institutional setting where I was emotionally abused by another girl a little older than me. The only thing that made my world bright around that time was coming home to my little die cast Cars toys...I'd play with them up in my loft bed and wish that they were real so that they could be my friends and protect me.

And as for my interest in Transformers....well, let's see...the Autobots come from Cybertron to defend Earth from an evil, opposing robot race that wants to enslave/kill all humans, they work alongside the nations' soldiers/National Guard units and keep on the lookout for any Decepticon uprisings, Bumblebee acts as Sam's guardian and even tags along with him to college....honestly, I don't see how anyone could not associate the Autobots with feeling safe.

But anyway, back to "not feeling safe..." this is going to sound kinda dumb, but maybe you could encourage your stepson to make up gun "characters?" Like, imaginary friends that he can talk to/get advice from, so he can feel safe with them and won't necessarily crave the real thing?

Anyway, that's all the advice I have to offer ATM....you can just take what you want to use and leave the rest. Hope this helps.