adult kids with social problems - could it be Asperger's?

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Hi, I'm new here. Found out about the site thru the wonderful NYT article on Kirsten. Two of my three young adult kids are socially different, have a hard time with social cues (I think), have some communication differences, a bit of rigidity sometimes, one of them doesn't look people in the eye, That one was diagnosed with possible NVLD when he was a teenager but it wasn't definite and he didn't want any professional help. He seems to have found just the right college for him and seems to be thriving. He also has the gift of accepting himself and the way he is and actually seems happy. I'm more worried about my mid 20's daughter. She's getting a degree, works, volunteers, shares an apartment but has only once had a boyfriend and has very few close friends. She herself sees that she "rubs people the wrong way." She doesnt want to hear that she has a problem. Just last night, she told me "You've always looked at me as thought all you see is a problem!" She did say she is willing to get tested. But: I dont think either of them has Asperger's - from what I've seen of Aspies (I dont know what it is but I love all the ones I've met!) Any advice about how to help her? Sorry this is long...and thanks to anyone who can help. I feel like I've been trying - and failing - to help her for about 20 years.

I was dx
d in my early 40s because a friend of my kids had it and he told me I had it. I researched to please him, then saw it was true, went to the doctor, long drawn out stuff, then yeah he was right.

My point is, what do you hope to gain by the dx?

To say "Hey, I was right, there is something!" For your child to use the dx to understand themself better? What exactly?

I'm not being mean here at all. I'm just wondering what the point would be for someone who gets along fine to be dx'd, except for personal reasons.

If a person gets along fine in normal day to day life, then they need no extra help or for people to make accomodations for them at work, etc. What does it accomplish for them to know that there is something organic that makes them the way they are? For me, it was great to know, although not everyone thinks like I do. If I had known at that age, I would have done everything in my power to make myself the opposite of it. Be very careful with this.

I can go one of three ways. Either she will say 1) Oh God, I have AS I can't do anything! and give up. 2) I have AS? So? I must have always had it and I'm still gonna do what I want, and even moreso now, or 3) huh, I have AS, that explains some of this. Oh well, Now I know why. No biggie.

This is one of the reasons I have not sought an official diagnosis.



My self-diagnosis accomplished this for me. Your daughter could do the same thing, and then decide if she wants/needs to go further.

Here are the self-tests I used:

AQ Test

Aspie Quiz