Help me write DS's teacher - IEP/school/homework violation

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So, DS managed to get pneumonia on the last day of winter break, causing him to miss 3 days of school. We'd also scheduled a shadow day for middle school, which he's starting next year, so he missed another day (although, admittedly, one of those days was a half-day.)

On Tuesday, I sent an email to his teachers, asking for his schoolwork, and I stopped by to pick up his books (we're so inextricably involved in the school that I was there every day that he missed. Yes, I need to slow down.) His regular teacher said not to worry about it. SPED math teacher - no answer. I admit that I didn't follow up with a phone call, because I hate the phone, and I expect that if the teacher didn't answer an email it wasn't an issue.

On the next Wednesday, when we'd scheduled the shadow day (which was only a half-day,) DS comes home with five pages of math homework to make up all the stuff he'd missed and could have done while he was sitting home twiddling his thumbs, if only they'd sent it when I asked for it. DS did the half-day at middle school, and spent the remainder of the day having one of the worst meltdowns we've had in a while, throwing things, screaming, hitting himself in the head. I can't really parse whether it was the middle school visit or the extra math, because they're simultaneous. I am annoyed.

So, this Friday (after the Wednesday of screaming) I go to DS's classroom to clean out his desk and take a picture of the clean desk to post (something that's in his IEP that the teacher said she'd do but never happened.) DS's regular teacher stops me on the way up and says "he's kind of upset about math homework." I go upstairs, DS is melting down over the desk cleaning but we finally get through the 500 or so sheets of unnecessary paper that are in there, and he calms down enough for me to ask what's up.

APPARENTLY he hasn't been completing his class-assigned tasks during math, so he now is coming home with 11 PAGES OF MATH HOMEWORK FOR THE WEEKEND. No wonder he's freaked out: apparently the teacher decided to check his math book after 11 DAYS and realized he hasn't been keeping up, so she just SENT IT ALL HOME. Now I'm in a pickle: I can't open the door to "sometimes we don't do homework because your teacher is an unreasonable &^(%" because DS does not understand SOMETIMES; if I open this door, we will never do homework again without a fight. I have him divide the homework into three, and he finishes it, melting down a little bit each time.

I need to write a note to his IEP team and figure out, first of all why the &*^@ nobody is checking DAILY to make sure he's completing his classwork, and second of all, why they think it's appropriate to send an autistic kid home with work he can't do at school and what their plan is to prevent this from ever happening again. We discussed in a prior IEP meeting that someone needs to be checking to make sure DS is doing his work, and obviously that's not happening. I know that some of the reason is that DS is "doing so well" that he "doesn't need support" but they don't understand that he's ACTING like he's doing well, and not ACTUALLY doing well.

I need to find a way to write this up in an email that doesn't involve curse words. HELP!

Does the school have a guidance counselor or social worker who can mediate for you?

It is within reason for you to request a sit down meeting with either a counselor or someone on the SPED team to develop a plan for tackling the work that has accrued. At this meeting you should also request they implement a strategy for avoiding such a situation in the future, such as having a daily assignment book to be signed by all his teachers.

Sorry about the brisk writing, I'm a bit rushed.

Keep us updated

I would reserve your anger until you are certain you have something to be angry about. The math teacher may have been experiencing some difficulties herself, and may have just decided to send all of the homework home at once because it was easier and so you would have it all. It's very possible that she doesn't expect him to complete it all at once.

I would contact her to see if you could work out some schedule or see if he can just complete portions of each homework. In some of my college courses the instructors would give full credit if 75% of the assigned problems were completed because they were more concerned about the student learning the concept and the number of problems was simply to give the student enough problems to practice with.

The math teacher knows that my son has had difficulty with understanding her expectations in the past, and has been asked to send instructions in writing. She did not give any written information on when the homework was due, or how he was supposed to do it.

However, that's the least part of the problem. Our first issue is that my son is in a SPED math class that's supposed to be offering him support, and his classwork is not being checked, despite us having called a meeting earlier in the year to express our concern that their expectations of his schoolwork were not being communicated with us. It's not possible that they did 11 pages of work in a single day at school, so clearly this has been building up for some time.

I like the idea of having the teachers sign his assignment notebook; it's in his IEP that they are supposed to be checking what he writes and they clearly are not.

The teacher needs to sign off on each assignment that he has done every single day. Any paper or assignment that hasn't been completed should have a note attached with instructions that directly state when it's due and how it should be done.

As for a letter to get another IEP meeting...

I'm concerned about the manor in which (DS) was given his make up homework for (these dates), in which he missed school due to illness. At the time that he was ill, I attempted to obtain his work so that he could complete it while he was sick. Unfortunately, there was little reply to my attempts. After he returned to school the work was given to him in a bulk of five pages. This would not have been as difficult a situation if it had not been a particularly stressful day, in which he was shadowing for middle school. The problems, in this particular issue that I wish to address, are also extended to the resent event where (DS) received 11 pages of daily in-school work that were apparently not completed. I'm concerned that this was not caught sooner. Further, this situation was compounded by a lack of instructions to how he was to complete these 11 pages or in what time limit. I feel as though there is a break down in communication with (said teacher) and myself. Perhaps it is time that we meet and discuss what amendments can be made to (DS)'s IEP or if there is simply a better way to go about lifting up the lines of communication with all parties involved.

Best way I can word it with given info. Hope it helps

Jen

I would probably also think about what you would want to happen in cases where they do not follow the rules laid out in the IEP. There are any number of "exceptions" that could happen, and you want to have something written for those contingencies. Something like in the event that work does need to be made up, student can spread it out so that no more than (what you consider to be a reasonable amount of time) is tacked on to each day's usual homework or (a reasonable amount of time) on weekends.

The reason I say this is that they do not have a track record of following through and also because if they have to pull him out of class for behavioral reasons/OT, ST or whatever, you do not want a barrage of stuff coming home. It is very disruptive to their afterschool/weekend schedules to be given extra work, so I do think it needs to be limited. At that point you can look the stuff over and prioritize important stuff vs. busy work.

Thank you all for your help! I decided to call the social worker and am waiting for a return call - she hasn't been much help in the past, but I think it's a good idea to start at the appropriate rung of the chain of command.

hisjen, I'm keeping this page open for when she calls back so I can use some of your words. I really appreciate you helping me arrange all this information into something sensible; in particular the phrase "I'm concerned that this was not caught sooner," which is, in fact, what I'm most concerned about.

I have enough AS myself that I start to lose language when I get angry, and thinking in curse words and then having to repress them just makes me cry with frustration when I'm at these meetings. It doesn't exactly put me in a position of strength when negotiating on behalf of my son to be a sobbing, angry puddle of goo. Thank you again for helping, everyone.

Suggestions for improving a tendency to curse....
Okay, so I love to curse. It's expressive language just not the right way to speak to authority figures. So I've learned to edit myself. It takes time, but if you write out a "first draft" of what you really want to say to said teacher/social worker, then go back and edit the inappropriate stuff. Calling people names should change to things like "her behavior was inexcusable" or "she acted in a manor below her professional status". When you just want to say tons of negative things about someone, try pointing out the behavior or words rather than the person. Remember that everyone makes mistakes, sometime it just takes a reminder to get them to act right. Teachers definately need continuous reminders. If this teacher is a bad seed then bringing this stuff up in the most professional manor will make her look bad and keep you from looking like a hysterical parent. Best of luck!
Jen

Just an update for everyone: I called the social worker, who didn't return my call - but who asked the school VP to call me the next day (In terms of us dealing with my son, he's generally been the one who understands things.)

I explained (hubby was listening, he seems to think I did a good job) that I wasn't sure of the hierarchy, but that we've been getting all this work without any written expectations, and also that I'm concerned about the lack of follow-up in the classroom leading to this pile-up of homework. He agreed that 11 pages of homework was unreasonable for any child, much less one with AS, and said he'd look into it. What's more, he told me who our caseworker was - she's his SPED teacher who has spoken to us exactly twice, once in passing in the hallway and once at the last IEP meeting we called to ask about why DS was being kept in at recess (for not doing his classwork, but there was, again, zero communication with us.)

When my 16yo son was younger, his IEP (ADHD) said that he would have a planner and every single teacher he had would be required to make a note in it after class each day that tells me if he has homework or not, if he did something bad in class, etc. Even if there was no homework and no bad behavior, just at least initial the space. I could look over it that night and get him to do what he had to do.

Have you thought about something like that? It takes the teacher 5 seconds to do, and that way you can stay on top of it. This also is proof that they are keeping up their end of the bargain.

Yes, I'm realizing that this is something we need to do. In our last meeting, I talked to them about needing to check what is written in his assignment notebook (DS just scribbles down the first four words...any further instructions are lost) and they have, thus far, not followed through.

Asking them to sign stuff seems so punitive, but they really aren't doing the stuff they say they're going to do, so I suppose we need to do that.

Is math hard for him? and does the school offer any sort of extra help for math?.........I never was that great at math and for my age now I am pretty terrible at it. But yeah I know when I was younger sometimes it was impossible to complete all the homework and assignments because I simply could not understand the problems and had no one to help with it.

Sweetleaf - yes, extra support in math is why he finally qualified for an IEP. Unfortunately, they don't really seem to be offering it; he's just in the room where the support happens.

Sounds like things are on their way to being resolved. I just wanted to add that having a set limit on the amount of time that can be spent on homework each day is a good idea. I no longer think that it is my job to make sure everything sent home is done. We work for an hour, and then put everything away, and I write a note. So far everyone feels they're off the hook to do anything more. (I sometimes tell my dh, if the teacher doesn't like it she can fire me... it's kind of ridiculous how we feel we are under their control and responsible for making a child learn things that may be impossible to learn.)
J.

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I love this! Your perspective on priorities is something I really need to develop more. I sometimes get caught up in what other peoples' expectations are and forget that I know my kid best and am best suited to make those kinds of decisions.

Thanks! It's been hard work for me. Therapy helps, and so does having grown-up children, and so does getting old.

J.