identifying Aspergers, etc.

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There is a talkative little boy with a high IQ, but he doesn't really mesh well socially. He is athletically clumsy and socially awkward, different from others, so often left out of groups and doesn't really have real friends. Around puberty, he withdraws into books and his computer and his personality changes. He no longer talks a lot, he doesn't make eye contact and generally doesn't really speak unless spoken to. He doesn't like to be touched, doesn't socialize and as he grows into adulthood never dates and still really has no friends. He is easily angered. His home is messy and unorganized, but he doesn't notice. He spends most of the time at the computer. Although he is able to hold a job, he still has no close relationships.

Am I describing someone who may have Aspergers or does this sound like a different disorder? How would someone help a person who is living like this, undiagnosed of any disorder, but obviously with issues and could use help with them. This describes someone in my family and I am concerned about them but they are of adult age and I do know what I could do to assist them.

Could you all give me your interpretation of my description and your suggestions for the best thing for me to do. Should I just MYOB, even though from the outside, this person seems to be living a sad and lonely existence?

[Moved from General Autism Discussion to Parents' Discussion]

Yes, he's probably an Aspie.

No, he's probably not sad & lonely.

In all likelihood, he comes home from work burnt & fried, and spends his evenings & weekends online and/or indulging in his special interest of the week. He'll be LESS happy, if not downright irritated & annoyed, if you insist upon trying to drag him out & force him to be social.

If his house is messy... sorry, but it's likely to stay that way until he can afford to hire a maid. If you're a family member, he *won't* want you to clean it, because you'll just make him feel guilty when it's dirty again next week. His life is arranged around reducing his stress & anxiety; a messy house stresses him out less than being nagged about it. Buy him Roomba for Christmas. Then get him a Scooba for his birthday.

DO NOT, under any circumstances, try to set him up with "a nice girl". He doesn't want one (or, at least, doesn't value it enough to increase his daily stress level or give up his hobbies). He knows what he likes, and he knows where to find it should he be in the mood someday. Let him be happy in peace. "Loneliness" doesn't bother him... social pressure does

Loneliness could very well bother him. Not to be contrary. I just think it would be sad if he happens to be lonely and people continued to let him be that way cause they don't know if he is or not. He may not know another way to be.

Hey, Have you been watching me?

Apart from the anger issues, you could be describing me and I believe I have AS, though I haven't been officially tested.

You are in a rather difficult position and I can identify totally with your dilemma. I had pretty much the same problem working out how to bring up the subject with my sister when I noticed her son was showing symptoms of AS (he has now been diagnosed).

First of all, is he unhappy? Although I live a similar life I am not unhappy with it. Although I have very few friends I am not lonely. In fact I find it hard work being around people for extended periods. If he is uncommunicative it may be difficult to find out if he is happy or not. If he isn't obviously unhappy I would be tempted to let sleeping dogs lie. Telling him could result in a pretty negative reaction. When I first worked it out for myself it came as a relief - it explained a lot about my life. That was then followed by a period of paranoia. Am I behaving oddly? Is knowing about it making me behave even more strangely? Trying to consciously analyze your own behavior just makes things worse. Now that has mostly faded I have pretty much returned to the way I was before. I am a little more comfortable with myself and I now understand better why I am like this but it isn't going to significantly change me. I am comfortable with my life and I don't see any real need to change.

Does he like on-line quizzes and tests? If so, maybe point him to some of the on-line tests. Does he read much fiction? If so there are a couple of good books that portray autistic people in a good light. If he wants to know, these will probably be enough to get his interest. If he doesn't want to know then drop it.

As dr01dguy says, don't try to force him into something he doesn't want. Knowing about AS may make him more self aware but it almost undoubtedly won't change him much.

Skyechaser, what is your relationship to this person? Are you a relative, a parent, a co-worker (a friend, though you say he has none?) Why are you asking? I ask, because your distance from this person, or lack thereof, would predicate what kind of action to take. From your description, which lacks any description of how this person affects you in any way, most of my neurons are firing under MYOB, I have to admit.

Aspergers is pretty in your face these days. I would be surprised if anyone with that collection of symptoms hadn't had it mentioned or thought it himself (if he cared) at this point. As previous posters said, what if he's satisfied with life as it is for him?

He sounds kind of a lot like me and I am not happy as I am. Of course it's important to respect a person's privacy and he could every well be happy like he is. Just saying, if there's a chance he's unhappy, people don't always know how to integrate into social stuff themselves and they might not like asking for help, so... I don't know. I understand the other posters' point but it would just be a tragedy if he is unhappy and no one knows... maybe you could try to find out if he's happy first (vague I know but). By asking him in various ways if there's anything he wants out of life? I don't know.

He could be very content with his 'lonely' life, or he could be wanting more social contact but not know how. The best way to find out is probably the most obvious one: ask him. Invite him out to a few very low-key social events, with just a few people, somewhere reasonably quiet/peaceful. If he keeps saying no, leave him be for a while. You can always ask him again in a few weeks, so long as you don't pressure him. If he says yes, then great.

As for the aspergers, maybe just mention to him that you heard about this thing called aspergers syndrome and that in many ways it reminds you of him, then ask if he's ever heard of it. After you say that you can probably leave him to do some research and make up his own mind about it.