I feel really misrable today! Don't understand all this!?

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lovelyboy
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14 Feb 2012, 10:48 pm

:( I feel so bad this morning....my mommy heart is so broken, because I lost it AGAIN last night...I just wish I can be a more mature and calm mommy!
What gets to me is my gfg sons loud, sometimes impulsive behaviour.....
He will start playing with his little brother and when things doesnt go his way he becomes abusive!
Like his little brother will come to inisiate play and he will lash out and hurt his brother....or like yesterday he even locked his bedroomdoor so little one cant get out, so he could hit his little brother....Or like last night, this was the last straw for me, when his little brother didnt do what he wanted he on purpose hit him with a star wars light saber on his little hand! I was screaming the most horrible stuff...telling him he has a bad streak in him and needs to learn to control it otherwise nobody would want to play or be close to him anymore!
Then I went on about him not practicing his quitar and that I am going to cancel it for next term, because he is wasting my money......that he needs to start taking responsibility....exct!
He was crying and feeling so bad...so I went to fix things and all was a bit better....

But the moment he doesnt get his way he tells me he will kill himself or starts screaming or swearing or burping....It's like he just cant understand that its rude to fart in some ones face and then laughs about it! He says he knows its wrong and bad, but he likes it!

And he has this awfull obsession with killing people, wanting to see blood all the time...evn scratching his old wounds to make it bleed....he has mosquito bites that looks like big jucky oozing wholes, because he cant stop scratching it....and he does this also when he is upset that he cant get his way or to anoy me....he knows this offends me.....


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Little dd has ADHD with loving personality and addores his older brother! Little dude diagnosed with SID and APD.
Oldest son, 10 yrs old, diagnosed with AS and anxiety and OCD traids


DW_a_mom
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15 Feb 2012, 12:54 am

((((((( hugs))))))

There was a point in time where I decided the person to medicate in the family was me. I just saw myself making so many situations worse, unable to do what I knew needed to be done. In my case, it did help, although I've come to wonder if I couldn't have achieved the same thing signing myself up for counseling.

Being a super hero is hard. I don't know how other people do it. Maybe most of the successful parents find a way to cheat a little. Like I did.


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mom77
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15 Feb 2012, 2:33 am

I second the hugs!! !

When I get overwhelmed I get out for a walk, the exercise and fresh air works wonders.



Eureka-C
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15 Feb 2012, 9:30 am

lovelyboy wrote:
:( I feel so bad this morning....my mommy heart is so broken, because I lost it AGAIN last night...I just wish I can be a more mature and calm mommy!
What gets to me is my gfg sons loud, sometimes impulsive behaviour.....
He will start playing with his little brother and when things doesnt go his way he becomes abusive!
Like his little brother will come to inisiate play and he will lash out and hurt his brother....or like yesterday he even locked his bedroomdoor so little one cant get out, so he could hit his little brother....Or like last night, this was the last straw for me, when his little brother didnt do what he wanted he on purpose hit him with a star wars light saber on his little hand! I was screaming the most horrible stuff...telling him he has a bad streak in him and needs to learn to control it otherwise nobody would want to play or be close to him anymore!
Then I went on about him not practicing his quitar and that I am going to cancel it for next term, because he is wasting my money......that he needs to start taking responsibility....exct!
He was crying and feeling so bad...so I went to fix things and all was a bit better....

But the moment he doesnt get his way he tells me he will kill himself or starts screaming or swearing or burping....It's like he just cant understand that its rude to fart in some ones face and then laughs about it! He says he knows its wrong and bad, but he likes it!

And he has this awfull obsession with killing people, wanting to see blood all the time...evn scratching his old wounds to make it bleed....he has mosquito bites that looks like big jucky oozing wholes, because he cant stop scratching it....and he does this also when he is upset that he cant get his way or to anoy me....he knows this offends me.....


I also find it hard to deal with the same things over and over and over, when it feels we are at a standstill or barely moving forward. Yet, if I sit down and think about it, I can name off the problems from the past that we have overcome and ways we have all (me, hubby, DS and DD) have all learned to cope and interact better. You are not alone in "losing it" on occasion, we all do. When I hear those negative statements coming out of my own mouth, I have to remember to take a time out just like I expect my son to do. For a while, when my son was younger, I often had to have my two children in the room with me or daddy all the time. They were either alone in their own room or in whatever room one of us was in. I could not let them play alone together, because it would turn violent. When they complained about not wanting to play in the room with me or wanting to do something like watch TV when no one was in the living room, I explained to them "It is mommy's job to keep you both safe. If you cannot control your anger, then I have to be here to help you learn how. The only way for me to keep you safe right now is to keep you near me." I have to say, this works for me, because I am an extrovert and don't need the alone time as much as some parents.



ASDMommyASDKid
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15 Feb 2012, 11:45 am

I am also a frequent giver of self-time outs. I am on the spectrum and the shrieking and perseverating can get under my skin. I did feel guilty about that, but now I don't because it is a good teaching moment and even if it wasn't, I can't take care of him, if I cannot take care of myself.

I will even tell him, that I have sound sensitivities just like he does and I need to give myself a break. Often he will calm down before I do and go get me to ask me if my time out is over yet. :)

You are under a ton of stress and nobody can be expected to deal with all of that and not need breaks. If I remember right you list a great husband in your siggy, right? If you can, ask him to take over some of what you normally do, if even for a little while.

The suicide threats, I won't even pretend I know how to address,so I can only give virtual hugs, there. For plain old non safety related hyperbole, I would suggest trying to find a way to let him know he is taking things out of perspective in a joking/amusing/non-antagonist way.

With my son, I talk about making a mountain out of a molehill ,which his lack of idiomatic understanding makes him laugh and often distracts him for the original problem. If your son enjoys flatulence humor, you can probably find something equally childish (but that won't gross you out) to try to distract him.

The opening of wounds I think I read somewhere is actually classified as a form of self harm, although I could see where it really might be a stim. I would refer this and the other safety related stuff to his pdoc. (You probably already have--but just putting that in there) Either way, I really doubt it is done to offend.

Even the farting stuff, childish though it may be, is likely not done with the intention of getting a rise from you. He may just have theory of mind issues and can't understand how you don't think it is funny. Or he may be exploring emotions and amused by your reactions, but not necessarily understanding you really are upset.

Regardless, you are entitled to feeling overwhelmed by everything. I know you have been through a lot. Try to take a break, so you can regroup.

edited to fix some, but probably not all of my typos.



lordoflegions
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16 Dec 2016, 12:16 pm

All of this, could be caused by junk food. May I ask, what is his diet?


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ASDMommyASDKid
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16 Dec 2016, 1:31 pm

You revived a necro thread from 2012. I doubt the OP is paying any attention.