Going back to school

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I recently posted about my son. He is in 5th grade, and his doctor believes he may be on the spectrum. He is very smart has no trouble with doing school work, but when he looks stable at home and I take him back to school it all falls apart. He has basically missed 2-3 weeks total of school in February. Some of it was due to doctor ordering tests or taking him off medicines and didnt want him to go to school, and some of it was due to disruptive behaviors, emotional meltdowns, refusing to work or etc that the principal asked me to bring him home for.

If you ask my son he WANTS to go to school. The problems start after we get him back. He either doesnt want to stay in the resource room during instruction times because he wants to be with his friends, or he is put in the regular classroom and either becomes too hyper and disruptive or refuses to leave the regular ed classroom when he shuts down and refuses to do his schoolwork. He has an IEP at which we are meetin this Thurs for a domain meeting to see what testing or etc we should do this year.

The school thinks we should do homebound for the rest of the year until we can get into a specialist this summer and gets his medications worked out. The problem is for the most part the medicines appear to be working at home and sporting events, it is just for the most part at school. He will be going into 6th grade next year and switching classes 6 to 7 times. I have talked with someone about him only switching classes that he really enjoys going to and reduced work.....which is one of his accom now but it is not used too often. I have also considered getting him a personal aide, but I am not sure if he would listen to them because he doesnt listen a lot of times when the teachers ask him to leave the class or get started. I am soooooo confused!! If anyone has suggestions on things that may work to get him back into school with less stress or exactly what could help I would be very grateful!!

Have you thought about Home Schooling?

I hated school and mostly likely was very much like your son. High School was worse and I did most of my senior year at home with my mother taking and getting homework from the school. So in essence I have homebound. The good news is that I did fine in college and I am a successful CPA today.

My daughter, while not on the spectrum is home schooled. There are many get together opportunities and social outings. My wife used to teach kids with Asperger's in middle school. She taught for 30 years and besides her Masters Degree was pursuing her specialist degree working with kids with Autism.

There is not a simple solution, but thinking about myself home school would have been a dream. I was always panicked being around a large number of kids who were often bullies at school. My wife knows all too well about IEP's and the laws that you are entitled to but often the reality is the school try as they might don't really provide the necessary and effective support. I realize some schools are better then others.

Bill

I don't have any advice right now, but I wanted to offer my sympathy. My son is in 5th grade too. They have an intermediate school where they switch classes like middle school for the 5th and 6th graders in my school district. It was a disaster. He was unsuccessful in the regular classroom and his functioning deteriorated drastically from Aug to Oct. He ended up in a self-contained classroom. It is working, but I am still unsure if it is the best solution. I won't go into details since this is about your son, not mine. Anyway, I wanted you to know my heart goes out to you. It is good that you have been able to homeschool him some. A lot of parents do that around this age. Also, many AS kids find solace in special schools.

Get an advocate for the IEP who is very familiar with your district. Maybe you should be looking into the non-public school options to see what is possible. (Non-public is a special term that means a school that specializes in educating kids who are unable to function in general ed due to disability or behavior. For instance, there are some in my area that specialize in AS and ADHD). It might be hard for the school to argue that home bound is the Least Restrictive Environment if there is a non-public school that is a good fit.

Just another alternative to home bound or home school.

you said a doctor thinks he might be on the spectrum... i would have him tested... perhaps he is getting overwhelmed in the classroom by sensory issues or by social issues... just remember that if he doesn't understand something like facial expressions, the whole class of kids each with a different face could be overwhelming for him to process or if something like a flourescent light or the noise of a lunchroom or the visual input of hundreds of children in the hallways/ gym class is driving him nuts, he might not tell you because he thinks that is how everyone must be and thinks badly of himself because he cannot understand why he can't handle it like everyone else or maybe he does not even understand what it is that sets him off... it could be lots of things that you might not even suspect...

he WANTS to go to school, and that is awesome-- my kid hates school (although it is getting better with therapy and a few accomodations)... in addition to the education (which I have to reinforce heavily at home anyway) I also view school as a way for him to learn the coping mechanisms he needs and the social skills he needs (I say this now, because he is young and we are not yet dealing with things like hurtful words and bullying-- so I may change my mind later and decide to homeschool) and this is something that schools have a hard time dealing with-- understandably so with pressures for kids to pass the standards tests-- but don't let them pressure you, you do what is best for your son ... if you have a diagnosis, the law should be on your side-- the least restrictive environment thing is definitely something you should mention if you want the school to know you are serious---I think you might even be able to force them to get an aide before they are able to separate him out, (although having an aid might not be best for your son socially)--

but also try to let the school know that you are exploring every avenue you can to help them (and your son) out so they don't develop any bad feelings toward him-- I think if tell them you are trying to get him tested for other things, and that you are exploring other therapies and ask them for advice on what you should do to help him IN HIS CURRENT ENVIRONMENT (do be aware that they are not experts either though, so make sure it truly is something beneficial before agreeing to implement) it helps to create a team environment rather than a legal scuffle-- make sure they understand that you are not one of those parents who just want to shuffle their kids to school and let the school handle them- that you truly want to help him but are not sure what to do--and if all that doesn't work, you must have a crummy school-- find a lawyer if you want him to stay in a regular classroom for academics-- I just have to say that good schools do exist-- we go to a public school and they have done everything possible for my son without any pressure at all-- I am absolutely amazed every day at what they do for him and how much everyone cares for him--we all communicate regularly and it is a team-- it is possible for a school to do it, my school has proven it

even if it is just adhd-- perhaps they could try things like letting him sit on a ball vs chair, or a floaty cushion, or chewing gum even, or breaks to do "heavy work" exercise to get rid of some energy-- or perhaps it is anxiety, and he needs to learn calm down methods--I would consult with an OT... my son gets anxious and is unable to tell you he is anxious but I know because it comes out as hyperactivity-- he has no concept of how it is he is feeling or acting until it is way out of proportion to what everyone else is doing-- the OT just started the "how does your engine run" program and our ABA therapist is doing an anxiety treatment plan-- hopefully it will help.

the whole idea of 6 classes scares me too-- my son is in 1st grade and I am already thinking about it-- so far the only thing I have come up with is to see if they would release him 5 minutes early from each class and have an aid (or even better-- a student helper) walk him to his next class--otherwise I think he may just decide to walk home after 1st period and end up on the other side of town-- and hopefully the teacher will post everything online to help keep him organized--and hopefully by then we will have figured out what exactly it is that sets him off-- add all the social stuff on top and it is tough!-- it is hard for me to remember to take some deep breaths and take one thing at a time myself even though this is what I constantly tell my son to do-- then I just keep searching this site for answers-- thank you so much for all of you on the spectrum posting here to help us parents understand-- no doubt my son will have an easier time than you all because of all the advice you all have given me

Thanks for the responses!! ! My son returned to school yesterday. I had an IEP meeting on Thursday after school, and I agreed to place him in the resource room, except for PE, recess, computers, and library. He will now eat his lunch in the classroom also, instead of cafeteria where he was acting out and being too hyperactive.

Now, the problem is my ds had a meltdown Thursday because he wants to go to the cafeteria and be in the regular ed classroom with his peers!! ! He went into full blow crying, screaming, biting himself because he thinks that being homebound is better than going and being in the resource room I have tried to explain he will still be socializing at the appropriate times, but he says it's not fair. He changed his mind after the meltdown and decided to return to school.

He found out first thing that there was a party in his reg ed class, and he started manipulating saying he would do the work if he could go to the party. The admin does not want him in the reg ed class. He started crying and had a small meltdown, but talked himself through it and got almost everything done quicker than planned. They agreed and let him go to party for an hour. He said he thought about going to lunchroom even though he wasnt supposed to, but he didnt. He went to the classroom but cried and became upset again about not returning to the party. (He made a deal and had more work to complete).

The problem now is the admin basically has told me about a school that has a "program" for children like my ds. One of them has made comments that our public school is not set up to handle a student like this, and this person had admittedly said he knows nothing about children like this.....has no experience. According to the continuem for Least Restrictive Environment we have skipped steps. The first level is reg ed class with supports such as an aide, the second is certain subjects taught in resource room, then the third step is self contained resource room. My argument at this point is I agreed to self contained without trying the first steps......but now I am nervous because my ds wants back in his classroom and has said he is very angry about not going to lunch or his classroom. I know he is going to keep asking and trying to make deals to get back into those areas, and the school doesnt want him there!! !! What should I do!! ! I keep asking him to be patient and give it a few weeks.....but he is not hearing it!! ! The school also thinks that letting him attend the party yesterday was wrong and sending him wrong messages. The one admin always says my ds is a manipulator and will use the party attendence as a way to negotiate other things. My ds is always trying to make deals, and he would do this anyway!! HELP!! !! !

Did you sign the IEP at the meeting, or just agree verbally to the placement? I really think you need an educational consultant or advocate to help you navigate the immediate situation. Then educate yourself at www.wrightslaw.com and by reading From Emotions to Advocacy.

I 100% agree with zette. I would also get a neuropsych evaluation, (ADOS is the standard test) and make sure you can be there to observe, it's an education in itself - you need to find out the specific deficits that are driving your son's behavior.

This is what the school should be doing, but it's not that likely that they will: they are generalists, you need a specialist. After you get the eval, find an advocate, come up with an IEP plan you think will work, and then meet with the school.

Some of the acting-out issues may be due to communication differences, or they may be due to sensory over or understimulation. There are specific strategies schools can employ for each of these issues. If you are as informed as possible, and have an outside person helping you, you will have the best chance of figuring out what kind of school is right for your son.

Oh - and <<<hugs>>> 5th grade can be really tough on kids on the spectrum - the other kids are developing at an accelerated pace, and our kids struggle to keep up. Hang in there!