Motivation to learn.

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Our boy Joshua 16 is presently doing poorly at school.The only shining light is Music which is a strength.But even here it is hard to get him motivated at times.Socially he is quite isolated and spends large chunks of his time with his iPod touch listening to his heavy metal music and as his father I find it hard to fathom his indifference to many of the things around him including his schoolwork and studies.
As parents we want to help him function on the real world that places a strong emphasis on social skills. Etc.We maybe hover over him to much ( helicopter parents I think they call us).But what is the balance of letting go and intervening as we do by cajoling him at times.encouraging him and removing his iPod etc.
How do you motivate your Aspie child??

<--- Was motivated by his father's ubiquitous leather belt.

You could sit down with him every night and help him with his homework. Start communicating with his teachers and make sure he brings home an agenda of stuff that he has to complete.

I recently read "Lost at School" by Dr. Ross Greene who also authored "The Explosive Child". While these books are not about autistic children per se, many autistic kids fit into the group of kids Dr. Greene writes about. The biggest take away I got from this book - Its NOT about motivation. More likely for your son it is about lagging skills. You can try different means to motivate a child but if he does not have the skills to succeed, he won't. You can also check out Dr. Greene's website, livesinthebalance.com

I spent basically the whole school year with the IEP team at my son's school asking the same question you just asked, how do we motivate this child to participate in class? What I have finally figured out is that we are not going to be able to motivate him to participate because it isn't motivation he is lacking. His skills for; understanding verbal instructions, dealing with transitions, handling frustration, coping with anxiety, etc., are all lagging behind those of his peers. He is not likely to succeed in school until we address those issues.

I had a lot of luck integrating my children's interests with mine. I really enjoy art and my daughter is now an avid follower of My Little Pony. We watch videos together and talk about her drawings, the characters, and I help her create stories about the Ponies. My son likes nu metal music (with no profanity) and I created a playlist with him. Then I found some videos that have My Little Ponies with the same music my son enjoys and now the three of us have a way to connect and play together. We listen to music in the car, talk about the lyrics, "quiz" each other on which song was from what album...it makes it easier to transition to discussions about how they are feeling and how their day has been.

Sometimes I think parents think that they can't ever understand their children, but I wonder if it's because we don't try to establish enough of a common line of communication. Finding that connection is something that's easier for the adult to do, rather than the child. If your son likes metal music, try to ask him about it- look up some information on the web. Take a look at the lyrics of the music - maybe he is connecting to the feelings of pain, isolation, or anger that sometimes are a part of that type of music. Ask him about his favorite band or song. This could tie in to academics as well. For example, if you look up "Math Rock" online, there is a big Wiki entry on how early metal/blues bands, such as Pink Floyd and Rush experimented with unusual meters and syncopations - maybe that could lead to some interest in math concepts...

Keep in mind that your child has a developmental delay, so although he is chronologically 16 years old (with the commensurate expectations by society) he is developmentally somewhere else. We try to think of our son (11) as being several years younger than he is. It helps a lot with the feeling that we are "helicopter parents" because I realize that we're appropriate for an eight-year-old, even though we seem overbearing to the rest of the world who sees the 11 year old.

There are two issues: figuring out if what you're seeing is actually indifference instead of a need to escape something problematic and painful, and making sure your son isn't handicapped by his differences.

He may desperately need time to de-stress from school. I know for my son that school is an extremely difficult environment that combines many of the things he is worst at in one package: sitting in a chair for a significant length of time, lots of ambient noise, people talking constantly, lots of verbal directions, lots of ambiguous social rules, people bumping into him in the hallway. There's nothing I can do to make this easier but realize and acknowledge how difficult it is. I told his IEP team that I knew he was capable of work at well above his grade level, but I don't expect to see that during school because the rest of it is so hard for him - as long as he meets the minimum requirements, I provide enrichment and more learning at home on weekends and during the summer. I do know he will never, ever love school - or even like school.

As for home, we do a lot of simple carrot-and-stick, but only for the things that matter. We have built-in rewards for every task he does, whether that be housework or homework - that's the way my son is wired, and it works for all of us.

While social skills are prized in our society, there are all kinds of ways to manage a social deficit; engineers and software designers have been doing it for years. Musicians and all their supports (stage crew, sound engineers, etc.) often have difficulty with social skills, too.

One thing about heavy metal: it is LOUD. So loud that it obliterates everything else - I wonder if it's acting as a stim for your son (I confess, blasting loud music to the point of near-deafness has always been a stim for me) That would be another indicator that your son is under stress, not that he's unmotivated.

Thank you all for your responses. There is a lot to take aboard and to think through. Some great and interesting ideas .Yes his heavy metal could be a form of protection to shield him from other kinds of sensory loads he does not like. Yes musicians like many creative people are said to tending towards hinger functioning autism etc
Interesting a local Aspei field worker pointed out his desire to volunteer for Library work at his school could be more to do with a means of coping with what he might find stressful social interactions during morning and lunch. recess.He loves the work and enjoys the company of possibly like minded students.
Yes he might be putting himself ahead academically. Also that fieldworker said that Aspies do not do well under tight exam pressures.Fortunately here down under, we have courses that are internally assessed rather than the all or nothing final examination

The other posters have all contributed good advice. But since you seen to think this is about motivation specifically, I will attempt to address that.

Many have likened our education system to the following: you have an empty glass (the child), into which you pour water (the knowledge).

This in theory should work, however with many, what happens is, all of that water (knowledge) leaks out the bottom as fast as they keep pouring it in, thus we end up with someone who has retained very little knowledge of what they have been taught.

Most people have a difficult time remembering the majority of the things they were taught in school. It's not our memory that fails us, it is our lack of interest in the subject that has failed to capture our attention and curiousity, hence we do not remember most of it.

Many educational experts now believe that someone has to be truly interested in the subject itself - that part of the reason we can retain some types of knowledge well is because we have to actively investigate in order to find the answer (rather than the answer being told to us and us ordered to memorize it). They have likened it to a piece of string, that following the piece of string by one's own volition is how truly productive learning occurs, because when one is actively engaged, they remember much more than when one is passively engaged.

Just another thing for you to consider.

Seriously, why you want to force him to do that s**t. School is horrendously stupid. You should pass the same exams as him, you'll be amazed how little you retained. If you do more then 5/20, call us back. You do school, only for a job, other wise its totally worthless.

Motivation, comes from within, you can't motivate some one, you can only scare him in to submission. At 16, you should stop punishing him, seriously dude, he will be 18 in 2 years, what are you doing? You can only talk things out now.

About socialization: The truth is, that we are incompatible with most people. We can fake it, if we have too, thats it. He should hang out in the relevant forum here, for some faking tips, they are a few. Its going to take years to do them well, you shouldn't push him beyond his comfort zone.




Delayed your self.