Confused.....I need Advice Badly Please!! !

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Hi

I do not have autism. But something happened to me at Church today and I would like you guys to tell me your thoughts. Service was in progress, pastor preaching and all, and a little boy came and set next to me. He further laid down on my lap and wrapped my arm around his head. He kept rubbing his face on my sweater, and using my arm to cover his ears. This lasted the entire hour long service. At one point I was wondering where his mother was, she eventually came over about 15 minutes before service ended and he refused to move from me and go with her. The whole service I just held him and let him lean against me while I enjoyed the company and the service. Before he approached me originally he was just wondering around the room sitting in various pews and occasionally screaming.

After service the mom came up to me and said she was sorry. I explained that it was okay, and not to worry. She went on to say that I didn't understand, He's autistic and in the fifth grade, we're trying to get him to understand social boundaries. She then walked away.

I am left feeling confused. What was I supposed to do in the middle of the service? Push him off me? I thought he was just a kid dealing with the world in whatever way he chose. I really didn't mind him being so close right next to me. I have a child of my own 6 who is incredibly touchy feely. I guess I didn't notice and when I was his age I was always clinging to my mom, that lasted until I was about 14, so I guess I am just biased.

At this point I feel a mix of bad about myself and what I allowed him to do and angry at her for assuming I should know what to do. What am I supposed to do next Sunday. She didn't offer me any sort of guidance. I guess I just want to know your thoughts, I really feel like she behaved incorrect, but what is me? And what do I do next week and the following Sundays?

Michelle

You don't have anything to feel bad about. You said the boy had been upset before coming over to you. By letting him snuggle with you, you calmed and comforted him. His mother on the other hand, has some explaining to do. First, why did she let him wander around screaming for a while in church, and second how come she wasn't calming and comforting him? I think it's likely that he found you more comforting than her, since she doesn't seem inclined to provide that to him.

You don't have anything to feel bad about. You said the boy had been upset before coming over to you. By letting him snuggle with you, you calmed and comforted him. His mother on the other hand, has some explaining to do. First, why did she let him wander around screaming for a while in church, and second how come she wasn't calming and comforting him? I think it's likely that he found you more comforting than her, since she doesn't seem inclined to provide that to him.

Did she seem upset with you when she walked away?

I would say that, as a parent, I love people like you. I appreciate people who are willing to let my kids be who they are. Does that end my responsibility to teach my kids otherwise, for all who aren't so willing? No, and I may sometimes come across like the mother did, because I can get really focused on my duty as a parent, to the point of forgetting to acknowledge how much I can appreciate simple kindness, and how good it can be for my kids. But I still am really comforted knowing there are people around us who will do what you did, at least when I have a moment to think about it.

Don't let confusion ruin what sounds like a lovely moment. Let the moment speak for itself. It isn't your job to worry about these details; it is hers. Maybe sometimes God wants to give kids a special moment with someone else just as a break. Who knows.

The mom may have seemed abrupt due to her own embarrassment and/or patience worn thin. I know I have left politeness behind more than a few times when I have felt mortified inside by what is happening. You seem like a wonderfully caring person and as DW said, I truly appreciate it whenever I run into someone like you in public. If you feel so inclined the next time you see this boy and his mom (assuming she continues to bring him to services), you could ask her how she would prefer that you react if he repeats his behavior. Let her know that you are ok with him sitting with you but you understand if the mom would like for you to perhaps quietly discourage that behavior. If he persists however, I don't think it is incumbent upon you to make a scene in the middle of the service. Maybe you could come to an agreement that it would be OK if he sat next to you but that he isn't allowed to put his head in your lap.