Meltdowns in the mornings

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Hello,
My son is 3 years old, diagnosed PDD-NOS. He is currently in pre-school Monday - Friday from 8:30 -11:00 and daycare 11:15-5:30. The school bus picks him up from home at 7:45 and drops him off at preschool until 11:00 and then picks him up from preschool at 11:00 and drops him off at daycare. I normally pick him up around 5:30 every day. The problem I am having with him is he is starting to have meltdowns when I wake him up in the mornings. I try and get him to bed early so that he is not tired in the mornings, but for some reason they still occur. He loves school and daycare, so I don't believe it's because he doesn't want to go. He doesn't mind riding the school bus it seems like it is some type of anxiety thing. When he has a meltdown and I force him on the bus, the bus driver tells me as soon as he drives down the street he stops crying. This morning he refused to get out of bed. I had to force him out of bed and dress him. He cried the whole time saying No, no. After a few minutes I let him settle down and then he was able to let me finish dressing him and he went on the bus. I just don't understand this and I was hoping maybe someone could help me with what i think is an anxiety issue, or maybe it's something else. I don't know, but I am so stressed when I have to wake him up in the mornings because it takes me so long to get him up and then when he has his meltdowns it really stresses me out. I also spoke to his teachers at school and daycare and they said he seems happy when he is there. I'm not sure if this is a phase or not. My son is not able to tell me emotionally what is going on with him. He is bright, knows his alphabets, numbers 1-20, colors, shapes and speaks in 3-4 word sentences, but when he has a meltdown it is in possible to get him to talk. He just cries and cries. This is what stresses me out because he knows enough words to tell me what is going on but he doesn't. Any thoughts or suggestions would be greatly appreciated

Have you spoken to the school teachers if they noticed anything different? Is he anxious at school? Or relaxed and enjoys it throughout?

My daughter when she was around 3 suddenly stopped wanting to go to school. She would stick to her bed not wanting to get up. Teachers said things were fine, it was a special-ed public school. Then one day I had reached early and saw her standing in the playground while other kids played. It was time to go back to class and one of the aides came and simply pulled her by the bag! No preparation, no getting down to eye level and speaking. Daughter protested of course... was having transition problems then and this happened for 5-7 seconds. I was horrified, this coming from an aide! At that point I knew why she didn't want to go to school. I lodged a complaint etc... but what am saying is it could just be one incident or something that he dreads facing during the day. He seems smart but yes its hard to communicate emotions especially when they are trying to figure it all out. I would say talk to the teachers and ask specific and penetrating questions about his day. I never got answers to mine but you might.

Hi, I AM NOT A PARENT, but I am a person who has lived life on the spectrum and I try and be a pretty good guy.

When I lived in Las Vegas, during the cool Autumn, I would wake up and then lie in bed thinking about which books I wanted to read. Then I took these books with a chair out on the balcony and read then as the spirit moved me. And I was happy. And I did this before brushing my teeth and before any other activity other than urinating and getting a drink of water.

When I lived in a cold climate, I would wake up with a CD alarm clock, often to the same CD at the same song, I would do reading, stretching exercises, my speech practice, besides list of words, I might also read paragraphs of my own choosing from books, and social phrases of my own choosing. It was a little bit like a rhymic exercise.

Maybe there's some centering or zen type meditation activity your son is missing? That he likes to do but is not able to do with this busy schedule?

(And I myself can go without alone time for a while or without stimming for a while, but then it catches up with me.)

I have a teacher - parent conference scheduled for tomorrow morning. I will ask the questions you are asking me.
Maybe I will try and see if he would like getting up in the morning to music. I never thought of that. I will try that tomorrow morning.

Thank you.

You are welcome. Of course, no guarantees the music will really work.

And a good CD alarm clock starts soft and then ramps up to the volume level you have selected (although I got where I could hear the disk being put into place and starting to spin before the music even started, and I kind of liked that part).

We had a lot of trouble with this, and started building rewards into every step of the morning: if DS gets dressed before the snooze alarm, he can have an extra cuddle. If he gets himself downstairs and walks the dog (he's 11) he gets either a 15-minute or 30-minute TV show.

Last year there was so much anxiety that we'd have school refusal at the last possible minute when we couldn't reward it, and a poster here recommended giving him a small square of bubble wrap to pop that would last from the time we left the house until he was in school. Worked like a charm. (Let me see if I can find that thread...here it is! http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt159537.html Here's another http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt188385.html )

Thanks everyone. I really appreciate your suggestions. You have all made me feel so much better especially since I feel bad enough (him being so young and having to go to school) and me not being able to stay home with him because I am a single parent and financially it is just not feasible. Knowing that I am not alone in this journey takes so much stress off of me. Thank you for the threads Momsparky it is greatly appreciated. I am so happy I found this website. you guys are awesome.

Well one thing.......I myself know all kinds of words, but sometimes its still very difficult to express how I am feeling with words, regardless of how many I know. So I am not sure about what is causing these meltdowns, I was going to say maybe he's not liking school and day care, but if its not that I am not sure. But it is very possible he has a hard time explaining things in words...and this could become more difficult when under stress I know for me the more stress I am under the harder it is to explain things verbally.

So not sure how you handle the meltdowns, but keep in mind pushing him too hard to tell you whats going on, might stress him out more...because it might be very difficult. You might try maybe bringing him into his or your room or somewhere calm and quiet to help him calm down and when he's not in the midst of a melt-down maybe try to talk to him about it and see if he can explain it more...it might be easier to express when he's calmed down. But that is just one idea.

He's only 3!! did anyone even pay attention to that?? and he's got quiet a busy day. i dont think any kid his age does these long hours. I am one of those people who doesn't like to blame everything on autism. To me he's just behaving like any other kid at that age would, I'm sure there are days where all of us wake up a little grumpy. Have you tried giving him a day off from school and day care? it wouldn't hurt to try this simple method. maybe he had a bad day or week at school and the thought of going back is making him upset. It happens to everyone and kids are no exception. I know some of you will not agree with me but please stop blaming everything on autism.

and remember if you are gonna blame his behavior on autism, you are just making it easy for the school as they will use this for every little thing he does from here on.

Are you in the US is a place where you change the clocks for daylight savings time? It takes my son about 6 weeks to adjust to the time change. Last year he started having a really difficult time at home right after the time change. It became very obvious to me the his body and mind took a long time to adjust. May not be relevant for you but thought I'd throw it out there!

Is it required where you live for him to go to school at 3? My oldest went to daycare at that age because I worked and I would send them all to daycare occasionally so I could get a break when I was a SAHM, but not every day. He may be like this because he's 3 and it's seperation anxiety, etc. If you don't have to send him, I'd suggest keeping him at home for right now. If you work and do have to send him, then I'd think that it may be separation anxiety or something similar. Kids do grow out of that and it stops soon, but while it's going on it can break your heart to have to leave them somewhere when they are crying.

My advice is, if you can, stop the nursery school. If you can't then try and reassure him every day that you will be there when he's through with school and try to have something special for him to look forward to. Good luck, cause I know how hard this can be.

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I'm giving it another shot. We will see.
My forum is still there and everyone is welcome to come join as well. There is a private women only subforum there if anyone is interested. Also, there is no CAPTCHA.

The link to the forum is http://www.rightplanet.proboards.com

I just wanted to point out that I live in Massachusetts and my son is going to preschool that consists of special needs and NT children. My son has learned so much by attending this school. His speech has improved tremendously and his social skills as well. I spoke to his teacher today and she said he does very well in school. She said he loves being there and she adores him and he always hugs her when he comes in the classroom. The only problem she sees with him is his stubborness. He can be very stubborn and controlling at times. That's another thing that stresses him out. He likes to control everything and when it doesn't go his way he trantrums, but she said he is doing so well and is very smart.
I'm leaning more towards the comments from autismdad2011. He is correct. I think he just needs some time off from School, daycare, or both. Today he didn't have school. He got up this morning by himself, called me to come and get him, he walked down stairs to watch TV with me and asked me to help him get dressed. He played with his cars for a little bit before I took him to Day care. He didn't cry at all. When we arrived at day care he ran into the day care and hugged the teacher.
I know this is a lot for him and believe me if he wasn't learning so much and if I could financially keep him at home, I would. Next week he gets another day off from school (Good Friday) and then the following week he has another school break for a week. So hopefully this will help him.
Bombaloo you are also correct, it could be the time change that is affecting him also.
I always try and give him options when he doesn't want to go to school. I tell him he can go to Grandma's house or go see Stephanie ( She's the teacher at daycare) Sometimes he says Grandma and I take him there and sometimes he says Stephanie, but when he says no to all three that's what stresses me out. I can only take off so many days from work.
Sweetleaf thanks for your comments. I do believe he has a hard time explaining things in words especially what he is feeling and as you stated the more stress he is under the harder it seems for him to explain what is going on. I will try not to push him to hard when he is in the midst of a meltdown.
My son, I so much love and adore him. He has his own personality and at times he can drive me crazy, but I wouldn't trade him in for anything in the world.

Thanks everyone, your comments are greatly appreciated.

Thank you Sweetleaf.

This was very informative.

This sounds a lot like I was more so from age 10-14, possibly earlier ages too but I don't remember it as much before 10. I would be fine enough having to get up for school, then something would kick in as it got closer to actually go. I don't know to this day what it was that made me have meltdowns. I would cry and put up a fight to stay at home and sometimes it was apparently easier for my mum to let me stay home. Walking down the street I would cry the whole way, I'd take my bag off and kick it down the street and as the school gates got closer I'd start to try and escape having to go through them. I would hold onto them and be dragged into school. Hit people, kicked them and generally it was a massive battle getting me there. Once there, after a while I would be fine and enjoy it and the next day all this would just happen again.

I wasn't ever really anxious about going, I was bullied at school but that wasn't what caused me to not want to go. I do wonder if it was waking up and being taken out of my comfort zone so quickly. Or maybe even though having enough sleep, I could of done with a few more hours instead of being woken up not through choice. I still don't like that if it ever happens now. Thinking about that, I do seem to have more meltdowns in a day if I'm woken up and don't wake up myself when my body is ready to.