CRAZY question

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My son (13) is absolutely devastated over being rejected by a girl. She's a cheerleader who is barely getting by academically. He's an honor student. She's not a bad kid but there are no similarities between them. She rejected him and he fell apart.
What is the mystique of the Cheerleader image? I feel he's going to do this all the time. I need some info so I can snap him of it. Can anyone help? He's too depresssed to even study like he usually does. I feel like slapping him in the head.

It'll pass, it always does.
And how can you be an honour student if you're 13? Aren't you in 6-7:th grade at that age?

It's a normal part of life. He has to go through it like everyone else; not that it's easy. Just be supportive and let him get over it himself.

Cheerleader's just have their look together early is all. He just has to go some place where the girls that share his interests are just as appealing.

Tony Attwood addresses the issue of the confusion Aspies can have about whether the feelings that the Aspie has for another person are reciprocated or not. As my boys aren't quite to that stage yet I cannot remember what his advice was about how to handle that situation but you could look that up in his book. It must be so painful to watch and feel like there is nothing you can do. Would it help to give him examples form your life or from the life of someone else close to him so that he can see that people do really get past the feeling of being crushed? Maybe a trusted friend or uncle (someone other than Mom or Dad who probably know absolutely nothing in the eyes of a 13 yo boy) could relate some experiences to him.

When I was in school, the cheerleaders wore their uniforms (featuring EXTREMELY short, swishy skirts) to school on a regular basis. When a 13-year-old boy is confronted with that, I doubt he is wondering whether the girl likes the same hobbies as him.

No clue, I was never into the whole cheerleader thing.

I am kind of thinking maybe its not just the rejection upsetting him? does he seem to have any other issues at all(well besides any AS symptoms or whatever) or did the devastation totally start with this girl? He probably just felt rejected and took it hard....or maybe she was rude about it or something. Kind of hard to say. I do find it curious this girl rejected him and he's upset and you have an urge to slap him in the head for being upset? not that I would advise slapping the girl in the head either.

Seriously I had this sort of problem ALL the time till I was in my 20's. I'd always go for the girls I was attracted to without really thinking if we had any similar interests or anything. It was usually rejection, and even if it wasn't, I'd get bored with the girl after 1-2 dates and that was the end of it...

Possibilities:

1)Hormones.
2) Above plus maybe he has soaked up societal expectations of what makes someone a "good catch." Usually cheerleaders are considered to be a top tier date, and are usually popular. Maybe he pictured they would date and that would by association make him a "cool, popular kid" and he had his heart set on that.

Rejection is a part of life. People reject others and get rejected for a variety of reasons. Sometimes they're not attracted to the other person, sometimes they're not ready for a relationship. There will be other girls.

13 is a difficult age - I have a daughter that age. Many of her peers regularly start and end relationships with a lot of drama all around. Kids this age haven't learned how to handle this type of rejection and the first is always the hardest. Be supportive of him and try to get him interested in life again, but don't push too hard. Sometimes kids just have to work through the emotions at their own pace.

I agree that sharing stories of rejection from your own life can help. There is also a book, that has been recommended here that talks directly about teens. I don't remember the title, but it is listed in the sticky with reading recommendations. You might want to check it out and see if there are any helpful hints there. It is hard as a parent to see your kids get hurt, but as Chronos said, it is a part of life.

Dawn

My son had bad luck with cheerleaders too. He liked them but they did not usually end up liking him. I finally picked up the book, PLEASE UNDERSTAND ME II and we discussed the Myers=Briggs and how useful it was to think about how different people communicate and relate differently. He did some observing and thinking about it, made the decision that girls who liked science fiction might be a better bet, and put that theory to the test at a Harry Potter release party. Every time I went looking for him he was chatting with a different girl and they were smiling at him.

As a family, we use the information on temperament to help with social issues.

I don't know if it would help anyone else, but it sure has been useful for us.