yonger siblings

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Those of you who have YOUNGER siblings to your ASD child, I have a few questions:

First, what do you do about the imitating of BAD behaviors? My DD idolizes her big bro, which is great in some ways, and not in others. She copies his every move and word. He yells, she yells, he is nasty, she is too. My DS growls when he is upset, growlg, frowns, makes fists, hunches over, stomps, the whole pic. WELL, not only does HE do this when he is upset, but DD copies him when she is upset too.

DD will also copy words he says. For instance, my son makes up words when he is upset, mostly plosives, like, "Pee, paa, poo poo head, ka, kee, kit kat dog" and he says it MAD like all those words are curses. Lately DD walks around sayhing those things too. I know this can happen with typical sibs too, but he has SOOO many neg behaviors, I have to deal with his, and then she adapts them. Of course hers arent with the intensity of his, as she is just coping, while he is FEELING those things...I really dont like that my 3yo walks around calling things" stupid pee pee head"...she learned that from my son.

Second, I feel like DD gets less attention then DS. He is a lot of work, and she isnt, therefore he demands more and gets more attention. She seems FINE, developmentally on target or ahead, she doesnt seem to notice, but I do! I would say in any given day, he gets 75% of my attention, while she gets 25%. Mommy guilt kicks in, big time. Again, this can be normal for typical peers I am sure.

I jsut wonder how others do it with younger sibs who copy their older sibs neg behaviors, and how you balance your high needs ASD kid with your younger kid.

We have the exact same problelm...the little one copies big brother with things like diving off furniture. The younger one is still only two so we just try to prevent him from doing dangerous things.

At least he is learning all the numbers and letters from his brother!

In the preschool years I found I couldn't give my daughter rules her brother didn't have, so I mostly just lived with it and pretended not to notice all the critical looks around me. But by elementary school or so she was able to absord that her and her brother were unique individuals, I was able to find and point out things that I was more lax with her on, so we were able to change course. I'll still hear an occasional grumble about each of them having different rules, but they accept it and mostly trust me about it. Still, overall, I'd say we're running a pretty unusual household, with both kids doing things they probably could not in many families - but they both do so well in school and in public, and really have absorbed all the key lessons, that I just don't think it matters. There isn't much that gets to me anymore in the way of all the annoying stuff.

As for the mommy guilt, remember that things change. For years now my NT daughter (11) has required more from me than my AS son (15). Just make sure you aren't over-assuming on how easy your daughter is ... the quiet one's can sneak up on you, and by then it can be hard to change course on all the bad habits they have formed.

lol...she is by no means quiet. when I say she is easier then him at the same age! Jayden was such a handful at 3, she is less of a handful!

Ive been wondering the same thing, I have a 4yo daughter and a 7 month old and already the little one worships her big sis! Im sure as soon as baby is big enough she will be copying her sisters problem behaviour!
my eldest still gets all the attention like she did before baby was born too, I feel guilty, but shes just such a placid baby she is happy to sit and watch me and her sister like we are a soap opera on tv!!

A tiny bit OT (I have an only child,) but there is a program called Sibshops for any siblings of kids with disabilities; you can often find it in the same place you find services for your child, and there's a search function on the website. Friends I know say the experience was very helpful for their child.

http://www.siblingsupport.org/sibshops

DS is almost 5--diagnosed ASD. DD is 3. She started copying him, particularly with saying, 'I don't like xyz.' (foods) She also started copying his spitting habit. And she started copying his 'angry' fist-clenching, face grimacing, teeth grinding spells. However, she follows directions very well and is very socially bright and intuitive. When she has done this, I typically picked her up, hugged her, and said, 'Silly girl. I love you. I don't need you to be G-- (her brother), I need you to be yourself. I know you don't do that.' And for the most part, she has smiled and stopped. (Note: I haven't compared, as in--you're good, he's bad, or as in you're not allowed to do that but he is. I've just 'caught' her in her copying, called her on it, and mostly she doesn't feel the need to continue.)
It's hard, because I know she feels he gets a lot more attention sometimes because of negative behavior. So, when she started copying him, I just tried to re-direct a little more attention to her, love on her, and tell her how much I loved how she is, and that I 'know' she doesn't need to do those things. For the 'most' part, problem solved. I WISH it were that easy with him!! (But as someone else said, the quiet easy ones can sneak up on you. I have a feeling when the teen years hit we are in trouble with our little princess!)