Bus service refusal - why the pressure to do it?

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Hi,

My daughter starts kinder this fall, however its not at her base elementary school - its at another school where they have an autistic support class(social skills) and my daughter is also doing mainstream kinder in the afternoon - so its all day for her at that school.

The district offers bus service - it would be a special needs bus door to door, and offered only this way because she is going to this school all day.

She is 5 - I think its crazy. We just moved to this area from another state where there really isn't any bus service and everyone drives their kids, and bus service is frowned upon honestly. I have met other special needs kids moms this summer in this area that are doing the bus service and keep saying "OH its good for them" "its safe"......... I am sorry but I think its a horrible idea for my kid. My reasonings are:

1. Special needs bus and she is marked as "different" right away in this school.... in the afternoon when she leaves for the day from her mainstream kinder class they get to go on a different bus since its their home school...... stigma.

2. Anxiety issues after school. My daughter uses her Ipad for trasitioning to and from school - can't imagine her being on her own without that tool especially on a bus.

3. Kids are just mean, why would I subject her to additional teasing, bullying???? I HATED the bus as a kid. I don't work so I feel its my personal responsibility to assure the safety of my child, not only physically but emotionally. School is hard enough.

I needed to vent a bit because I have a friend whose child is special needs in a different district(I moved close to my hometown but another district), and her child takes the bus. He hates it but she does it because she says "he should experience what other kids experience"??????? REally? Being miserable is an experience he needs to have????

I just don't get it. I can just see raised eyebrows all year when people ask me about if I drive my daughter to school. I have had several conversations about this issue already and can see I am being looked at as the oddball. I am on the spectrum and it was PAINFUL for me as a child to find a seat, cringe at being picked on by boys, etc. etc..... I would have loved for my mom to take me to and from school, would have felt safer. My daughter likes the "concept" of a school bus(lets face it they look like fun on the outside LOL), but when I tell her she can't have her IPad she already is asking "WHY?". I don't want my daughter to feel isolated from her peers but the system established is already setting her up for that with the separate school bus and elementary school.

If anyone would share their experiences with this I'd appreciate it. We aren't doing the school bus, just dealing with the (pardon if this offends anyone) small minded opinion that its "good for them" mentality to stick their child on the bus cause thats what you are supposed to do here.... I have my child on specialized diets, biomedical and I get funny looks for that living here already;) I am thinking I need to dye my hair bright red and show off my tattoos daily so people think I am an odd mom so they back off:)

Thanks!! !
ASDmommie

Why can't she have the iPad on the bus?

I am not in your shoes but if I was, I think I might be inclined to drive her at the beginning of the year and work up to maybe taking the bus once in a while. Starting a new school is plenty of change and I would think that in school is where it is far more important for her to be learning to cope. If/when she achieved a good comfort level in the classroom, then maybe I would consider trying out the bus maybe one day a week or something like that. It is good to push their boundaries a little at a time but the double whammy of riding the bus (new experience) plus going to a new school (lots of new experiences) sounds like too much to do all at once.

I don't know so much as I would worry about the "stigma" of riding the short bus. I agree with you, kids can be mean but your comments in that regard sound a little discriminatory and, quite frankly, attitudes like that are part of the problem not part of the solution.

I don't see the value in the bus, either. If along the way your daughter asks to ride the bus (she might) you can re-think it, but with the number of times I've seen bus problems posted on this board I don't see how anyone can see it as this universally good experience. I often recommend pulling kids off the bus.

It is a great service for parents who have logistical issues, but it also pulls you away from the school and direct contact with teachers. I got so much just from being there at the end of each day picking my son up, and available for teachers to say, "can you hang on until all the kids are gone so we can talk?" I always knew exactly what was going on because of that.

Of course, a lot of kids really do love the bus. Just something about that bright yellow big vehicle. But you'll have time to see if your daughter really develops an interest in it, and she is so very young still, I don't see why you can't wait until she is older. If eventually she makes that choice, it will go better, because it will be her commitment, not just something forced on her.

Sometimes you get the strongest reactions from oher parents when there actually are mixed feelings and they've had to spend a lot of time either making a decision or justifying what they want. I'm not sure if that is the case here, but my advice is the same: you just stand your ground and say "I am so happy it works for your family but I think this is best for us."

Where exactly is the pressure coming from? The other parents or the district. If from the district, their concern might be that you might request reimbursement for transporting your daughter to school and it might become a huge court fight if they refuse. I would suggest talking to the director of transportation and see if you can come to an agreement regarding costs (even if you have to promise that you would not request reimbursement this year). If from the other parents, pardon my french but tell the to take a small hammer, a pile of sand, and pound it where the sun does not shine. This is your family and your family's decision, not theirs. I am almost betting though that most of them are jealous that you can be a stay at home mother and be able to pick up and drop off your child while they can't.

As a former special needs school bus driver, I can say that I myself would not be offended if your child decided that my bus was not the answer to get to school. I have seen where the bus has been more harmful than helpful. Do what is best for your child and tell everyone else where they can take their opinion.

"I don't know so much as I would worry about the "stigma" of riding the short bus. I agree with you, kids can be mean but your comments in that regard sound a little discriminatory and, quite frankly, attitudes like that are part of the problem not part of the solution."

Maybe stigma is the wrong choice of words.....I am not ashamed of my daughter having autism, I have it as well and its just the way it is.... its having her picked out from her peers that she drives a different bus than her friends. I can't see that as positive for her at this age when she can't process the reasoning behind it, along with her classmates. My daughter is very high functioning with minimal aides in the classroom already - she would still need to ride that different bus until she reaches junior high. Only the special needs bus can pick her up and drop her off, no possibilities of her mainstreaming on a bus unless we move to that base school neighborhood..... I am not happy that we couldn't have been given that information prior to committing to a residence here, they would not discuss any placement until we had a physical meeting with her out of state IEP in hand along with her needing to be registered in the district/5 proofs of address We are hoping to move to that base school since we rent now and mainstreaming/bus is a possibility. Oh and it doesn't cost a dime to us re: transportation here, its free so no district concerns re: cost.

Its definitely pressure from the parents that are doing the bus service, we were gently prodded by the district and reassured how great the service is but they understood our position given our recent move and our uncertainty with the bus service situation. I just read last week about a 5 year old boy with autism being dropped off at the wrong stop due to the teacher putting the wrong id tag on him on the first day of school. Those kinds of stories scare the hell outta me. We just moved across the country so its been a great deal of change - we are leaving the bus service on the IEP but for now its a no go.

Interestingly enough, when I spoke with the special ed teacher at her transition IEP meeting into this school district(her morning class) they don't like parents coming into the building at all after the first few days, it becomes a curb side situation. So its staff only that does the take off/put on of the kids on the bus. Where we were before the kids had classrooms in trailers so the parents walked kids to and from all the time - such a different mindset to adjust to. This is a better district than where we came from but the almighty "trust the process" crap that parents have given me really makes me want to tell them to shut the hell up;) We made a lot of sacrifices in our family for me to be a stay at home mom, I am sticking to my guns but it gets annoying and the special needs world is a small world..... I am going to be "that" mom I guess LOL.....

I am glad to hear other's strong opinions on this matter and that there has been negatives. My niece got bullied on her bus in kinder(different district), and their solution was to stick her behind the bus driver to keep an eye on her....... the other child got to roam free on the bus.... she's now a car rider. Thats pretty assbackwards if you ask me.

My 3 1/2 will be starting preshool in September. I work full time but I only go into the office 2 days a week (we have a sitter that comes to the house 5 days a week though). Our goal is for me to take my son to school 5 days a week and for the bus to bring him home everyday. I am nervous about the bus ride home, but I figure I will try to make friends with the bus matron and driver so that they can tell me specifically how my son handles the bus.

I also plan to time them so if they are late, I can immediately call up and start searching for the bus. I have been told by a school official (not at the school my son will be going to) that the bus does build confidence so I am willing to at least try it and see how it works out. My son loves visual stims which causes him to love driving in vehicles. He would only get upset if they are parked for a long time.

I don't really care about him being in the short bus. In fact, I prefer it. I think the big buses are way too big for him (high steps, big chairs, etc.). I do wish I could pick him up everyday, but the sitter doesn't drive so that's not an option. I just have to hope and pray that this turns out to be a good experience for my little guy.

I went to a private school so we didn't have a bus. Where we live now, my kids sometimes ride the bus, and they really hate it. The driver is rude, it's hot in the summer and cold in the winter, the little kids on it are loud and fight, and the driver has her favorites and those she doesn't like who she nitpicks. She's also never on time.

Since I don't have a car, thats the only way they have to get to school. Sometimes my daughters fiance will take them or sometimes they get a ride with friends, but usually it's the bus. I sign them up as bus riders at the beginning of the year and that way they can choose when to ride it and when to be car riders. Of course at 5, your child is too young to make that decision on her own, but could you sign her up for it and let her ride it occasionally if she asks to? She may not ask to ride it, and thats ok too. Most kids I know hate the bus though.

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I'm giving it another shot. We will see.
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OliveoilMom:
"Of course at 5, your child is too young to make that decision on her own, but could you sign her up for it and let her ride it occasionally if she asks to? She may not ask to ride it, and thats ok too. Most kids I know hate the bus though."

I am not sure if it can be an on/off thing...especially since its not her base school and this is a concession they make for the special needs kids out of their base school. We discussed option out of the bus for now till we see how she is adjusting to school and possibly doing the ride home. I will be bringing up the options - but we have really harsh winters here so I am sure my daughter would prefer a warm comfy car ride with her Ipad;) Its her first "real" winter so just hoping she can handle wearing all those winter clothes!! !

Eureka-C:
"Are you sure you are not projecting your feelings onto her? yes of course she should not be subjected to abuse, and I too have heard many horror stories, but it is not like that on EVERY bus."

I am just remembering how much it sucked for me:) My daughter is making greater strides than I did at her age and can handle herself pretty well, I for sure don't want to hold her back, I am not a helicopter mom, more of a rip off the bandaid type......But seriously I hated the bus my entire school career. I hope that I can be fortunate enough to be able to drive my daughter to school the rest of her school years as a primary option, but if she someday wants to do it, I am for sure all for it:) I don't want her to miss out on anything that she wants to do. We were shocked that they offer bus service so young so we are hesitant especially being in an area we aren't completely familiar with(just moved a month ago).

That's all for now, don't want to beat the subject up and I am so grateful to hear from other parents about this issue - so far I have met opposition and I needed a place to discuss without judgement:)

There are people who think that dealing with the issues of a bus are character building. I have run into this in casual conversation with people. In our district,, though many people pick their kids up, so it doesn't look odd. It is mainly a certain type of person who thinks it is helicoptering, and I don't agree with most of what else they say, either.

Let me clarify this, though: The special ed kids who would normally go to another base school are the only ones that get automatic bus service right? So the other kids at the school only get the bus if they are x distance away from the school? So your child is only an exception in not taking the bus amongst a relatively small population of kids, yes?

The reason I ask, is that if you are only getting grief from one subset of parents, it is not as big a deal as you think. If they pester you too much, I would just say that you think that dealing with the curbside experience is good for her, and a lot of other parents pick their kids up, too. (You don't need to say non-special ed, because that part doesn't matter) It may be that maybe that is the secret issue: They don't want anyone elses "special ed" kid rocking the boat or making their kids feel weird for not being able to go by car, too.

If your district has field trips and that kind of thing, your child will get the occasional bus ride, and you can see how that goes. My son has used the bus for field trips, and it was fine. He wouldn't want it everyday, nor would he want to have to wake up earlier to take the bus. Our morning routine is stressful enough.

I grew up in a small town where everyone knew everyone pretty much. I am NT and had no real problems on the bus. I had friends, but I detested the bus. I had to ride it because my mom worked, but I hated standing in the cold waiting for the bus. It was crowded as ours was the last sop in the morning and the first in the afternoon.

We live within walking distance of our elementary and middle schools now, but in kindy and 1st we didn't, and I drove my kids to and from school. You would think I killed them. They are dying to ride the bus. They think it would be wonderful. Cracks me up. When they hit high school they would be far enough for bus service. By then they will almost be driving age and probably rather die than ride the bus. All about perspective.

If you can drive him and want to, then do it. I doubt it will matter much.

With the price of gasoline and the time commitment, the school may just be trying to make you feel like you don't have to do it, and that the service is there. Plus they may just be in disbelief that your actually going to do it.