I'm not sure whether to be proud, or angry....

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Youngest is 4, somewhere on the spectrum. Got a great vocabulary, and he's a big talker, but you can't hold a conversation with him. He just doesn't communicate well...or willingly. Ask him anything vaguely personal ("Who did you play with at school today?") and he literally runs off and hides his head in his hands.

Toilet training hasn't been happening. He's physically and mentally capable, but he's got a bad case of the stubborns. We ask him if he wants to use the toilet, and he replies with a very cheerful "No, thank you." I haven't wanted to push him, but it's more than a little frustrating that a child who can change his own diaper (yes, really) will not use the toilet.

(Big brother was bribed into it. Youngest is immune to bribes, even of a toy he REALLY wants.)

Today, though....

His school closed back in June, and he started a new one in early July. Old school had the kids line up to use the bathroom; he would go in, drop his pull-ups, and stand in front of the toilet. Never actually went, though.

New school has a separate bathroom in each classroom. Talked to his teacher, she said that they wouldn't pressure him, but if we wanted help with toilet training that would be no problem. Talk to her again at the end of the week; he's again going in, and dropping his pants, but not actually using the toilet.

A month passes. I ask him every day if he used the toilet at school, and am met with a muttered "No." We resolve to try a few things during his break, in the last two weeks of August.

I called his teacher, to ask how he's doing in general -- is he interacting with the other kids? Is he being cooperative? Is he being nice? Yes, yes, and very much yes. They love him.

Oh, and by the way?, he's been using the toilet every day for the past few weeks. Actually peeing in the toilet. And brushing his teeth, something he ALSO refuses to do at home.

It's the example being set by the other kids, I'm sure. The example being set by big brother clearly isn't enough, for some reason, although he slavishly copies every OTHER thing that Eldest does.

It's time to fully potty train. I'm not sure what tactic to use, but I think that we do have to be willing to push him. Stubbornness or no.

Never ask a child if they have to go to the bathroom, they will always say no. You just take them to the toilet. Set a timer and when it goes off, take him to the toilet.

While the example set by his peers may be a big factor, don't discount the possibility that it is a developmental hurdle that he has just finally gotten over. One thing our neuropsych told us that I try to keep in mind is that spectrum kids, more so than NT kids, develop in "fits and starts". Milestones that their age-peers have passed that are seemingly impossible for a spectrum kid one day seem to suddenly become possible the next. Not earth shaking information or anything but it helps me keep some things in perspective.

Since it is working at school. I would ask for specifics of how they handle bathroom breaks. Do they go at a specific time? Do they use certain words? What times is he going? What is the bathroom procedure? Is there a posted sign to remind them to wash their hands etc.? Then you can add those same techniques into the weekends and evening.

It would seem to me that the next step after that would be to introduce the underwear. This can be tricky. Some kids do better in underwear, being that there are immediate consequences. However, if you think your child will react to the change from diapers to underwear as anxiety provoking then wait. Also, there is the possibility that they make the connection, using the toilet = underwear = uncomfortable if accident therefore don't use the toilet, when we really want underwear = uncomfortable if accident therefore use the toilet. This is especially a concern when there is hypersensitivity.

Hooray!! ! you are on your way to potty training. Congratulations on the success.

Let us know how it goes.

He apparently walks in from the bus, marches to the bathroom, and does his business without being prompted. Maybe we need to start out by scheduling potty times.



It's tough. Clothes are one of his big Things -- he's only got a handful of shirts that he will willingly wear, and we had a LOT of weeping when we first introduced a short-sleeved shirt once the weather got unreasonably hot. It's going to take a lot of work to get him past the hurdle of wearing underwear, but we should be okay once we do so. But those first few days are going to be awful.

I need to see if they make Pokemon underwear....

While the change part of the change from pull-ups to regular underwear will be tough, I sure would think that underwear would be physically more comfortable than the pull-ups. A quick Google search reveals several places to get Pokemon underwear (eBay). I would recommend buying them and just showing them to him, perhaps leaving them where he can see them but not saying anything about him wearing them for a while. Or you could say that you bought them for some day in the future when he might want to wear underwear.

When I toilet trained my daughter, it was a case of no more nappies (diapers), only normal underwear. There were several accidents, but that's normal, and it took about a week in all to train her. I feel pull-ups might have sent the wrong message. However, she was only 2 1/2 then, not even at nursery. She was mostly in the house and going to parent/toddler groups, with me. So, I didn't have the worry about her messing and others having to clean up. It must be harder once they have started school and you are no longer supervising the training.

That pattern is typical of both of my kids. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing. Full competence. Over night.

Be proud! It's a step in the right direction and in time it will generalize.

Over the years of struggling terribly with my oldest son I am starting to realize that this whole potty training readyness has alot to do with neurological maturity! And also plenty of sensory stuff....Just some stuff I picked up along the way, stuff I never realized: My oldest is almost 9 now and never wanted to wipe himself...caused plenty of embarressment to both of us and plenty of problems in his undies! We tried EVERYTHING over the years....Now I realize that his lack of abstract thinking, never really made him connect the dots between doing something and being rewarded.......
Also, he hates the smell and is afraid of getting poo on his hands...So I bought lycra throw away gloves....And because he has poor motor planning skills, I showed him he can wipe to the front, its easier than wiping to the back, where he cant see.....So now he started wiping himself! And seldom have undie accidents!
Does the school have small toilets? Why I ask this is because with the big toilets, my little one didnt want to stand close to it, because he didnt like the feeling of the toilet pressing against his legs....
Also my little one has poor balance so he is afraid to sit on the big toilet, even when I put all the fancy stuff on them for kids....He still sit with his hands and feet on top of it, because he cant stand the feeling of the seat against his back legs....
He doesnt like the feeling of the undies, so he wears them inside out....
Try getting your son to poo on a potty maybe, that is close to the ground, so he can feel saver?

I'd go with proud.

As long as he is doing it somewhere, you have the opportunity to expand it, and you know he can do it.

Also the fact that he can be positively influenced by peer pressure is a positive thing.

He sounds so similar to my daughter! She seems to actually take offense if I ask her if she needs the toilet, when clearly she does as shes squirming around lol. She is incredibly stubborn too. The not asking thing works though, I just take her and she always manages to go.

I find at school shes much better behaved and follows the herd, they are all sent to the toilet together so she sees it as a fun activity

A few months ago, my 3 yo's teacher told us to take him out of the pull ups (his teacher comes to the house). We then told him to say, " I want to use the bathroom" and when he did it, we took him to the bathroom. We did this every few hours. After about 2 weeks, he started stating he needed to use the bathroom and we would then take him. Now, he sometimes goes on his own or makes the statement that he has to go. Since we took the pull ups off, he has not had an accident (he sometimes had accidents when he wore the pull ups). I think something just connected and he associated briefs with being potty trained. Now he sometimes asks to use the bathroom to get out of something he doesn't want to do.

I broached the subject with him the other night.

I first asked him about using the bathroom at school, and he denied it. Then I told him that I talked to his teacher, and he hid his face and very grudgingly admitted to it. I did an over the top celebration, which got him to laugh, but a mention of doing it at home was met with refusal, and drove him nearly to tears.

Talking to his teacher again, she suggested waiting until the end of September. Right now, he sees the other kids go before recess, and insists that it's his turn...but there's a three week break starting on Friday, and when he comes back he's going to go from being one of the youngest kids in the class to being among the oldest -- most of them are moving on to Kindergarten in September.

Most of the new kids will need to learn the routine as well, so it seems a better opportunity to start the Big Push.

Or so we hope.

That is interesting. It might be a rigidity thing where in his mind he associates the potty procedure with school, and wants his home routine to be the same because he is used to it being that way at home. Home is usually a safety zone, and maybe he wants it unchanged to feel safe.

When you are ready to try, I would try to push with a massive incentive program. Little incentives every day (maybe even after each successful time) and then maybe weekly, monthly prizes or something, depending on how he is motivated. Make it so that the rewards tempt him out of his comfort zone.

My best guess, anyway.