Something Momsparky said

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Keep doing what you have been doing. Also, there are some interesting building type video/computer games out there. Try some farm games, city building, zoo building games, etc. There are also sites that have games online related to their products. Give these a try:

http://www.lego.com/en-us/Default.aspx

http://www.erector-sets.com/

http://www.roblox.com/

http://www.building-games-online.com/

You can do an online search for these types of games. There are many out there. And don't forget! Your son should also have non computer building games--like Lego building blocks, and others. Both my younger brother and I had a lot of fun playing with Lego when we were kids. I also played some with my older brother's Erector set and Lincoln Logs set. And you could also get real train sets for your boy to play with, as well as online versions. So there are plenty of non violent alternatives out there.

it might be worth doing some of your own research into some of the non e-10 games, not all of them really deserve a greater than e-10 rating in my book. For instance some of the ratchet and clank games are e-10 while others are T. Ratchet and Clank is completly appropriate for a 10 year old. It is cartoony with crazy characters and cartoon style violence. And it is really funny. The ratings seem really arbitrary to me honestly. I dont' pay a lot of attention to them since I'm an adult and can play what I want, but in looking I see a fair number of games that I don't get why they would be teen. Tron and Harry Potter are also rated t. I guess my point is it might be worth it, rather than being totally black and white about it, to research games and decide based on their own merits rather than what ESRB says because ESRB has been known to make some really goofy decisions. You could even make him write a paragraph about a particular game explaining the merits of the game, what it's about and why he wants to get it / play it.


Also it might be worth looking for "good" games that just happen to be e-10, like portal 2 totally respectable game, happens to be e-10.

Just trying to help you find ways to help him to fit in better in this way while helping you stick to your guns.

We're not here yet (age-wise, DS is 6) but I already see how too much time on the Wii gets DS stuck in obsessing about his current favorite game and it snowballs pretty quickly. If the time spent playing is pretty limted (less than 1 hr per day) then he thinks and talks about other things. If he gets to play more than that, it is all he can think about it seems. So from our perspective, momsparky's suggestion that time on "those" games must be earned and is strictly limited would probably work for us. I also like CWA's suggestion that you actually check out the games and make a case by case determination, unless of course that leads into too much gray area for your son, which I could totally see happening. If he could at least have one or two games in common with his peers, the least objectionable ones from your perspective, then you might be able to avoid some of the pitfalls that appear to be on both sides of this issue.

My 11 y/o son's latest obsession is minecraft. It really reminds me of legos, it that you are just gathering materials, and building with blocks to make elaborate worlds. There is the added factor of monsters (these zombie like block creatures.... I don't really know them all) that come out at night and you do kill them, but it is all very slow and cartoonish. He played it without a membership for free for months before we finally gave in that it was an obsession and we might as well get the full version where he could save his progress. Anyway, it is a pretty popular game for the nerdy/geeky kids around his age, and he has had several long conversations fully engaged with others his age about it. (That's never happened before). He was in a social skills group last year, and all but one of the other boys in the group played it.

DH is a first person shooter gamer so he plays all those games that are violent. Now they play Minecraft together on a server with DH on the main computer, and DS on the laptop.

http://www.minecraft.net/
There is a video about it here

My first post My DS9 LOVES minecraft - it is an obsession.

He will skpe his nephew (age 11) (his only close friend) and they will play on-line together (you can also play off-line). The game involves a lot of texting, which is really helping him learn to type and to read (reading has been a struggle). He is also very good at adding "mods" and "texture packs" which actually change the program, so he is learning about programing. He lacks so much self-confidence in most things, but he does know he has a talent for computers (like his dad). He and I even set up his own mindcraft server last weekend, so just those who he invites can play with him on-line. He started a camp this week (computer game programming), and he was very anxious as usual (he did not know anyone else in the camp). I asked him how his first day went and he told me excitedly they all knew about minecraft - that its all they would talk about in their free time (granted this a geeky bunch). I could tell it really helped him to be able to connect with the others.

Minecraft was helpful for us until DS got "stuck" and now he doesn't want to play it anymore.

We also check out games on Commonsense Media, because the ratings on the games themselves usually make no sense at all: I've found that their reviews really help you judge whether or not a game is good for your specific kid - http://www.commonsensemedia.org/

Our current rule, which I'm not happy with: he can play whatever at other people's houses (though I do try to talk to the Moms and mention that my preference is for DS to stay away from M-rated games. Some comply, some don't, same with other media.) We also allow kids to bring those games into our home, but DS is not allowed to buy them or download them or have them (I'm desperately hoping nobody will buy them for him as gifts.)

We have also explained that if his behavior in any way starts to emulate the games - meaning swearing, violence, or disrespectful language - we will start preventing him from having playdates (or hanging out, or whatever you call it at his age) with kids that play violent games.

Like I said before, I'm not happy with this answer: it's only working for us some of the time. (His special interest right now is a game he's not really allowed to play, and he spends all his time angling to get a chance to play it) I do see, however, that while it can feed directly into his deficits, it is providing a small amount of what my husband calls "social lubrication" that he desperately needs; kids are more willing to interact with him if they can all talk about these kinds of games.

Things would be easier if more parents were proactive about their childrens' media use: there is stuff I see kids playing that frankly horrifies me, and most experts in media and children agree with me. I don't see this as a benefit to anyone's kid, much less that those of us with special needs kids have to face this kind of struggle. I have no idea how to go about changing the culture, though.

I'm not trying to be argumentative, I'm asking a serious question because I don't understand. I know parents who don't let their kids watch/play/listen to certain things because of ratings or content and I never ask them, so I'm asking you instead.

Why does rating or content matter? As long as it's not something like porn or something that the child is already afraid of, why make a big deal about it? I ask this because I've always let my kids watch, play and listen to whatever they wanted, and we have never had a problem with it. It may be different with special needs kids, but the parents I know who won't let their kids watch or play certain things have NT kids, as I do.

As for video games, I can't help you on that. Mine play them and they have all kinds of them, but I don't know whats what.

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I do think I will have to let him play Teen games now. He was able to play e-10 since about the age of 8. He has a DSi, a 3DS, and a wii. THanks for the game suggestions. I'll have to look into them.

OliveOilMom, you are right, the specific rating matters less than the content and the individual kid. However, games rated "M" are intended for adults, just as "R" rated movies are not intended for kids. It's not a great ratings system, but I do generally find that games and movies with those ratings aren't suitable for my son.

There are some issues where kids are exposed to things before they are developmentally ready to handle them - for instance, kids who have not yet reached puberty have difficulty understanding sex. It's a little like speaking to someone in a foreign language: it's confusing and it's easy for kids to get confused about what things mean.

Violence, OTOH, is something that is in all kinds of degrees and each child reacts to it differently. My major concern is that all kids have some difficulty separating reality from fantasy. Many games are incredibly realistic. While there may be some kids who can play violent games without ill effects, I don't think they are the majority. Note: I'm not talking about Punch-and-Judy fake violence, I'm talking about games where your character can experiment with ways to hurt other characters and see just how much damage he or she can do. The characters respond by screaming, bleeding and crying. It's not exactly a lesson in sympathy.

Language use is one of those social norms things that's hard for kids on the spectrum, and also kids who have any other kind of social deficit or difference. There's an implicit agreement (right or wrong) that certain kinds of swearing are unacceptable for certain ages of children, and that certain kinds of language shouldn't be allowed in certain places. My son, in particular, really has trouble with keeping inappropriate language from flying out of his mouth at school or among adults: it would be a lot easier on us if he hadn't been exposed to it so young via video games.

When I was a child, parents were a little more circumspect in what their children watched, in large part because most of the things I describe just weren't available. Those of us with obvious social deficits benefited, because there were fewer mistakes to make.

Momsparky wrote that reply on my post.....If you read the post, the context will maybe clarify my opinion and question regarding this matter....I was shocked when I had to prevent my son from becoming aggressive towards another child, when he ' acted out' a scene from a game....looked like something from assasins creet or something.....
I fully agree that kids are being excluded and even called nerds because they are not allowed to play or watch certain things....And when we take away these games and block the TV's it becomes an obsession with my son!! !!
We also used to just say no to anything above 10 or 13 PG, but after the other days incident we also decided to rather assess each game individually and decide....The problem with this is now that my literal thinking son dont understand how he can be allowed to watch a movie rated 16 and not one rated 13 for example! Then this leads to hours of " negatiation" and him becoming stuck on the thought= meltdown!! !
My son also loves minecraft and the others some have mentioned!
OliveOilMom....honestly...I think the reason your kids might be allowed to watch and play everything, is because it has never caused any problems yet?
Momsparky...its interesting to see that you have the same rules regarding taking away stuff if he starts swearing exct? We also do that, but do you think its really the reason? I suspect it to be the reason.....? Because sometimes my son will say things, like really provocative stuff, then I am shocked....when I ask him where he learned it, he will say on this or that kiddies show!! !! And when I ask him what does the words mean....he will often say he doesnt know!
Anyway.....thanx for all the suggestions!

Lovelyboy, it's never caused any problems and I don't think it will because they are almost 16, 17, 18 and 23. The only thing we ever kept them in the dark about was the existence of Santa and the Easter Bunny. Other than that, I always talked to them like little adults, and explained what they didn't understand. If we were watching something they could stay in the room and watch it with us or go play.

They enjoyed regular kid shows and as a matter of fact our agreement was that during the day while DH was at work, the tv was theirs. I've never been big on tv, so I didn't mind reading while cartoons and kid shows were on. We also had a ton of kids videos that they loved. Oddly though my oldest daughter, when she was about 5 or 6 fell in love with the movie Titanic. She would watch that movie every day. They didn't really start liking "grown up" shows until they got older, but we just never censored anything. As long as it's not porn, it was fine with us.

As for the video games, they have everything here from first person shooter type games, (war and car jacking too) to MarioKart and Fruit Ninja (where you use your hands to slice flying fruit on the screen). Nobody has ever tried to join the military, carjack somebody or cut fruit off the counter The only game I've played with them was Fruit Ninja and that's because they forced me and wouldn't hush until I came in there and tried it. I'm not into games since the arcades are gone.

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I'm giving it another shot. We will see.
My forum is still there and everyone is welcome to come join as well. There is a private women only subforum there if anyone is interested. Also, there is no CAPTCHA.

The link to the forum is http://www.rightplanet.proboards.com