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My 3.5 yo ASD son has picked up this new habit of bumping into his sister. He goes out of his way to do it. He then laughs, as if it's a joke. He will also try to hit her (not hard) and laugh as if it's a joke. My daughter is 1.5 yo. He also wants to kiss everone he deems a "baby" which is everyone his size and smaller. He is starting pre-school next month so these behaviors have me concerned. Apart fro this, he is a sweet, smiley, happy little boy. His ASD traits are fairly mild, except for his communication delay. He is about a year behind with his communication skills.

I have been trying to put him on timeout on the sofa but he then turns it into playtime. He will start laughing and then say, "don't laugh, it's not funny". I am not sure if it's because he knows he shouldn't laugh or if he has heard me say it in the past. He seems to actually like timeout to a certain extent. He likes the attention, since I am sitting there, making sure he stays put and physically putting him back on the sofa. But, sometimes he gets tired of me putting him back in timeout and will try and get up and gets cranky that I wont let him move. Then, a minute later, he's back to laughing. He timeouts are for 3 mins, but the clock starts once he calms down.

I forgot to mention that when he bumps or hits his sister, I tell him to tell her sorry and give her a hug and he happily does it. He still tries to hit her if she cries but we usually stop him before he succeeds. He will look at us and laugh while he tries to get to her to hit her so I know it's not sensory. Plus, if he is doing something else, he somtimes ignores her when she cries out. He also will screem to get me to tell him not to. When I ignore him, he reminds me that I should say "No screaming".

I am not comfortable putting him in his room for timeout since he doesn't want to be there if it's not time to take a nap or bedtime. He sleeps pretty well so I don't want him to think negatively about being in his room. I just want to get it through to him that I am serious and he is under punishment. Has anyone been in this position before? I would love to hear what worked for you.

"Don't laugh, it's not funny" sounds like echolalia to me.

My son does something similar. He'll lie on the couch near someone then start kicking them, laughing hysterically and saying "stop the feet!" since that's what I said in the past when he does it.

Can't really offer any advice as the only way I've figured out to make him stop is to move away from him...I don't think I've ever seen him do this outside the home anyway. Does your son do the problem behaviors outside the home?

He does have a good a mount of echolalia. At the begining of the year, it was about 3/4 of his speach. Now, it's a little less than a 1/2 so he is heading in the right direction. We have a sitter come to the house so he is always with "us". When we go places, he is socaught up in seeing everything and doing everything, he doesn't have time to annoy his sister. Next month we will find out what he is like in a school setting. I am just worried he will get a reputation. He is going to a school that deals with children with various neurological disorders and some psychological disorders. I don't want him to hurt or annoy any of the other children there.

he might not do that in school. Sometimes they behave better in school then at home. My DS was always hugging and kissing smaller children and he still does it at 7 years old!! !. He also loves to bang toys onto his sister, he thinks its great fun, she doesnt!

I am not sure what you can do to stop that behavior, especially so young! Maybe teach hiim a rule for hugging and kissing, only for family. I dont know it hasnt worked for my kid...lol.

good luck!

My DS went through a period where he just didn't seem to "get" that timeout was a punishment. This may be one of those things that you just have to endure until he becomes a little older. Eventually he did learn to sit for the whole timeout period. At some point I started adding a minute to the timeout whenever he got out of the chair. I used an old fashioned timer that ticks loudly and that he could see me adding time to the dial.

If you look at this from an ABC point of view, you need to try and identify what is the antecedent. When is he most likely to go bump his sister, and what happens just before? The consequence of timeout isn't effective right now, what other consequence might matter to him? If it is a game, perhaps separating him from his sister might be worth a try, saying, "No bumping. If you bump, you don't get to play with sister.". Or find something more acceptable to replace bumping and hitting. "No bumping. Hugs instead." "High Five, not hits"

Is there anywhere less fun you could put him? My son's room is electronics free so we use that. All he has in there that is fun, are books, and I can live with him reading because it calms him, which is more my intent than punishment.

We used to do something that was "you hit, you sit". Wherever we were, when DS1 (NT) & DS2 (AS) hit (and this would work for bump) had to sit down on the spot. If necessary, we would move to a safe place. At home, it was immediate, in a store, we would move to the side of an isle - but really - right away.

After the short "sit" we would say - hitting hurts - can you help (whoever) feel better? Then I would ask, what would help you feel better (sorry, hug......) then we would have the offender do it.

We did this every single time from toddler through about 3-4 - it worked really well.

In the many years where we were going through the hitting stage, I tried many different things. We are different from you in that it was just me and my son, with no sibling to deal with.

However, comparing your situation with my memory, it sounds like you're dealing with a couple different deficits: mostly that he isn't paying attention to his sister's cues that she doesn't like to be hit, or that it doesn't occur to him. Two, that he isn't aware of where his body is in space (proprioperception - the bumping-into thing) Three, that time-out is supposed to be a consequence.

He may need a list of rules in a picture format: no bumping or hitting, that is the rule. Every time he does it, refer to the picture and then apply a natural consequence. One consequence might be to be removed from contact with his sister or babies for a period of time - but you do need to figure out if that is actually what his ultimate goal is; you don't want him to learn to hit if he wants to be left alone. Another natural consequence might be that you hold one of his hands for a time and he has to follow you where you need to go as you continue doing what you need to do (within reason, of course.)

He may also need a list of rules for kissing babies - I'm guessing he got a lot of positive feedback for doing it at one point, and he's trying to get the same sort of praise, but doesn't know what the limits are.

Here's some ideas to start with: http://www.speakingofspeech.com/uploads ... yself2.pdf
http://www.speakingofspeech.com/uploads/SocialKiss.pdf I liked this graphic: http://lizprovasi.wordpress.com/2012/04 ... nal-space/

No time to read other responses so sorry if I am repeating...

I was able to use time-outs successfully with both of my kids, but I wouldn't have done it on the sofa, since that is a place they sit anyway. My son had to sit on a stair, the "naughty stair" and honestly I think it was the word "naughty that did him in. He has always hated to be naughty. He is the kind of kid that if I tell him I am disappointed, he is devastated. The naughty stair did not work for my daughter. She'd just sit there with no indication that she saw it as a consequence at all. As an aside, she does not care if she disappoints me, either. What did work for her was to make her sit cross-legged facing a corner. She HATED it. I don't know what part of it she hated so much, but she definitely understood as she sat there facing a corner, that what she did was unacceptable and she was suffering the consequences.

I do know, however, that time-outs are not effective with all kids on the spectrum. Some never make the connection, and others like the seclusion/alone time, so it's not really a negative consequence.

The other thought that I have is that my son had very serious proprioceptive issues at that age. it involved bumping in to people and things and having difficulties grading his movements. In other words, he really couldn't tell what the difference between a gentle pat and a hit was. He was often accused of "playing rough" but my son is not a rough kid. He was just a proprioceptive mess. Does your son ever throw himself to the floor? That was my son's most obvious clue that he had proprioceptive issues.

Thanks for all the replies. Regarding bumping into his sister, he is purposely doing it. He looks to see if I am looking, if I am not, he tries to get a sly bump in. If I see him, he still tries to angle himself to bump her quickly. Sometimes he will use his head to bump her. You will see his neck straining to reach her as she walks by. Absolutely no doubt he is doing it on purpose.

So far, he reacts to time outs as a punishment when his father does it. Apparently I am the push over since he sees it as a joke with me. His father uses a sterm voice, that's pretty much the difference. As for why he bumps into his sister, it's hard to say since I can't seem to find a cause and effect. Most times they play well together and he seems pretty attached to her but sometimes he just seems to mess with her because he can.

I will watch closer to see if he is reading her cues that she doesn't want to be bumped. I know he will try to kiss her even when she is fanning him away. When he does this, I stop him and tell him she doesn't want to be kissed but he can kiss me. He will happily kiss me.

My son doesn't throw himself on the ground. He may throw himself down in a tantrum (rarely) but he is careful not to hurt himself. I find it frustrating that the few times his father puts him in timeout, he cries, asks to get up, makes whatever amends needed (an apology and a hug) and tops it off by telling his father he loves him and hugs him all teary eyed. His father is at work during the day and I work from home 3 days a week so I am only away from him 2 days a week. I don't know why I am the joke but his father is taken seriously. I feel I put him in timeout the same way my husband does.

He might like the deep pressure sensation of the bumping, or the reaction his sister has after being bumped.

In one book I read about NT parenting, the author said it was quite common for kids to mind the father more than the mother, simply because she is around more and they build up an immunity to being corrected by her. Then dad comes home and tells his wife she's just not strict enough...

Most times after bumping her, he looks to see if I am watching. I don't know if it's to get my attention or if it's because he wants to see if he got away with it. Today I caught him bumping her and put him in time out on the floor in a corner. I had to sit with him or he would get up. He spent the whole time asking for juice, to use the bathroom, to lay down, and eventually, trying to play with me. When his time out was finished, I told him to go and tell his sister sorry and he happily hugged her and told her he loves her and said sorry.

His father swears I am just not being strict enough which is bogus. My son just doesn't see me as intimidating in any which way. None of them do. I try to put on the same disappointed face when I put them in punishment but that has no effect.

The other day he started screaming inside for no reason. I told him he can scream outside but not inside. So then, he would come up to me and just scream. So, I started to ignore him. Then, he started reminding me that I need to tell him not to scream inside. So, I kept ignoring the scream. And then he stopped. Sometimes I wonder if its because he gets attention for some behaviours, it encourages him. I can't ignore him bumping his sister though, so I am stuck trying to find a punishment he hates so much, it will cause him to not bump her.

I used to think the same things about my own son at that age, in retrospect his reactions were all because he didn't communicate typically.

For instance, I can't read his mind, but it may be that he looks at you after the bumping because he's figured out the sequence, but not the logic. He may not understand exactly what part of the thing he's doing that you are trying to get him to do, believe it or not - this is where the pictures are important.

For the screaming, I would matter-of-factly lead him outside and say "you can scream here, not inside." He will probably continue to scream inside for a time, but eventually he may get the idea.

I know this is challenging, but it takes some time for the patterns to be set: his response to you sounds to me like a request for help, and not a demand, even though it's presented as one. DS has trouble with taking things literally, so when I say "get everything off your floor" he'll say "I can't do that." and stop. I have to remind him that he knows I don't mean to literally get every molecule off the floor. It sounds snotty, but it's that the first, hard-set neural pathway goes to the most literal interpretation and he has to be reminded to take the time to re-process the direction.

Thanks for the insight. Regarding the screaming, he stopped doing that once I stopped responding. I wasn't telling him what he thought should "come next" so he gave up and moved on.

So far, I see that when he bumps it's usually one of the following scenarios:
1. starts as an accident, then he bumps her purposely
2. she is playinging with him by trying to sit on him and he responds that way
3. she's walking by and he figures, let me bump her
4. it starts off as a kiss and hug and then ends with him trying to bump her

I am not exactly sure how to put those scenarios in pictures. What would you do?

Have you tried positive feedback rather than negative? Ignoring bad behaviors and looking for what he does that is good with your daughter might help. So if he gives her a drink really, really praise that like 'oh xx you are such a GOOD BIG brother for giving your sister the drink' Emphasise your words and sound really happy with a BIG smile on your face.

You'll have to look for as many positives as you can at first just, even give him an excuse like getting him to get her the drink so he gets addicted like a kid to candy but soon you will see him go out of his way for praise.

The negative might be best to explain why using the same naughty words like 'oh xx that wasn't very nice, that hurt you little sister, how would you like it if I did xx to you, now she is crying, she is sooo sad, do you want to make her sad, you love your little sister don't you?' 'Now how can we make her happy?'

Just some ideas, our son is now 7yo but was hitting other kids especially when he first went to kinder at 3.5. He just didn't know how to communicate or play with other kids and their games and his way was to walk up and push them over no matter how big or small they were he got their attention and it didn't matter to him the type of attention he wanted a response.

Time out never worked or works for my son, he is happy just to sit there cause he will think of something to play even if it's drawing on the floor. Turned that into a game too.

With positive reinforcement, plus explaining the 101s of what was good and what was bad, why it is bad or good, teaching him right behavior etc corrected some of these issues. Plus I over loaded him with park visits, social settings that he had to learn and watch NT kids and used them as therapy session to show him NT behaviors and teach him hows, whys etc. We still use this method today cause as they grow older new things get presented that he just doesn't really get.

Remember a lot of these kids just don't hurt like NT kids they tend to be able to run into a pole and just don't feel the pain (my son is like that anyways) and just don't understand what is good or bad only that attention is given regardless of the type attention.

Oh another thing I will add. This works only for me as a mum. My husband uses this but also has an opposite approach that is more military, stern voice, fall into line or you go to bed NOW! It seems to work with the good cop, bad cop treatment and I use that to my full advantage. They seem to figure out fast how to manipulate so if he does not respond to me I use 'do you want me to talk to Daddy?' There is no exact science with kids you just have to try, try, try and learn, retry learn, retry add extra learning & start again.

I will try the positive feedback and see what happens. Timeout works for his father, but not me, not fully sure why.

As far as feeling pain, he feels it about the same as an NT child. He touched the flame on his birthday candle and now will run away if you ask him to touch fire or anything that you tell him is hot. If is not afraid of looking at fire though, he is only afraid of touching it.

His bumps are not hard, but they are annoying and I don't want it to escalate. He loves his sister but he sometimes acts as if she is an invader. As a newborn we found him lying on her, in her bassinet, twice (to this day, he will still try to lay down in her crib, even though he has never used that crib). He had just turned 2 an we figured it was jealousy. When he started crawling, he would bump her and when she started standing and walking, he would sometimes trip her or push her. My daughter is pretty fiesty herself and learned pretty fast to fight back. Once she could fight back, he backed off some. But apart from all of this, they are both really close and constantly seek each other out. If either one is asleep they will wake the other to play.

So far, the hitting and bumping seems to be reserved for his sister. He tried it a few times with his older NT brother is 6. His brother hit him back and that put an end to that.