Need sleep............

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Ok so I posted about this before and got some good suggestions but I don't seem to be getting anywhere with my son.
He is 6 years old, verbal, "mid-spectrum" quite lively little boy.
He has always slept pretty well once he got to sleep.
Getting to sleep has been an issue for him but a low dose (3mg) of melatonin gets him off nicely.
We have learned that he does not need the 10-11 hours NT kids of his age need so we give him his melatonin about 8 and he is asleep by 9 -9:30 ish. He has the slow release melatonin rather than the drops. Most of the time he then wakes around 6:30 so he gets maybe 9 hours on a good night. If we give him the melatonin earlier then he wakes earlier so this 9:30 - 6:30 sleep routine was pretty good. For a year or so we had a pretty good system in place. Me and my wife got a bit of us time in the evenings and my son got a good nights sleep without waking with the birds.

Things started going wrong about 4 months ago. He still gets off to sleep fine after his melatonin but now 2 or 3 times a week he wakes up at 2 or 3 in the morning and is fully awake for the day. He will go through apparently un-sleep deprived until his normal 9:30 sleep time then next night. Me and my wife are not so unscathed though!

When he wakes he either wants to come into our bed which would not be a problem if he actually settled down and slept. It is impossible for either of us to sleep when he is in our room because he's jibbering away, playing with the lights, farting around under the covers, jumping off the bed etc etc. No matter how many times we tell him or try to explain that we want to sleep he just does not get it. I know he understands the words but he just can't seem to put himself in our shoes and understand that his actions are not cool. We have tried issuing threats of consiquences but that just elicits a screaming meltdown - which I;m sure the neighbours really appreciate.

We have tried taking his ipad away .... but again screaming meltdown.

We have tried asking him to just stay in his room and be quiet but he simply does not seem to grasp the concept.

I know he has the intelligence and vocab to understand what we are saying but this is not enough. I don't know how to make him actually care about not waking everyone else up.

It affecting my work now. I am very unproductive for at least 2 days a week these days. If I have only had 4 hours sleep I really can't function that well the next day. It makes me and my wife grumpy with each other as nerves are frayed and all round the situation is getting desperate.

I have no interest in medicating my son over and above the melatonin we give him so we are not going down the sedative route ever. What I really need is some advice on tactics on how to get him to stay in his room and be considerate of others. If he just did that till 6 ish everything would be ok.

Any ideas on how to get through to him?

Just for some perspective, 3 mg of meletonin is not a low dose. Low dose for that age is like 1/4 mg. Your kiddo is on high dose meletonin. People use more, but these are adults. 3 mg is on the high end of normal-dose for an adult. Usually, I start adults out with 1 and work from there. I don't understand it, because this isn't me, but there are some autistic folks who report needing high dose meletonin their whole lives. Studies show that this isn't supported by science, but there is plenty of anecdotal evidence to the contrary. In general, it's seen as safe. There were a few studies that show it might not be as safe as we think, but the overwhelming majority says it's fine. And compared to the other stuff out there, I feel like parent's choice to use it with their kids is understandable.

As for the waking in the week hours of the morning. The first thing to explore is hydration. Your kiddo should be drinking enough during the day so that he's not dehydrated at night. This doesn't have to be dry mouth. Dehydration can show up as a vague irritation. Obviously, you can't have him drink much at night, or you'll be up helping him pee.

The number 2 thing to check out is the hungrys. He might be going through a growth spurt. When I worked in a pediatric psych ward, the doctors used to favor a spoonful of Nutella before bed. The combination of fat, protein and sugar was seen as ideal to sooth them through the night. I'm sugar free myself, but I do use a dollup of peanut butter and some raisins if I wake in the middle of the night and it does work.

Third, visual aids about when it's OK to get up. (pre ability to read and understand the clock) I really like the red light/green light thing because it fits with little kid's facination with cars. You set it to turn green at 6 am or 7am, or when ever it is OK to get up. https://www.amazon.com/BeeZeeKids-Stopl ... B004HSL79O

(I was HORRIFIED to see that this red light/ green light thing has been warped into an abusive social shaming device by some teachers who are labeling some students as being on the red or yellow light. That is NOT what I mean to use. It's the time that get's the red light, not the kid.)

Is he melting down or tantrumming?

I could never get a proper sleep without a prescription sedative. Melatonin didn't help by itself.

Sounds like he might need something to keep him busy when he wakes up early....what kind of activities are available in his room? Perhaps you could get him to do something more quietly in his room. Even a normal 6 year old probably wouldn't be able to just sit quietly in their room without getting restless.