Outgoing Aspie

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My DS is seven, and extremely outgoing. Possibly the most outgoing kid in his class. He will talk to anyone about anything, anytime. Unfortunately, he is also very socially awkward and oblivious to that fact. He says inappropriate things (things even the other little kids know are inappropriate), speaks at the wrong volume, makes weird body gestures, tries to befriend his bullies, and has no idea when other people are offended or embarrassed or bored by what he is saying/doing. He also has no idea if someone is laughing AT him rather than WITH him.
I see a lot of threads about dealing with withdrawn aspie children, as that seems to be the "norm". Does anyone have any pointers for dealing with outgoing aspies? I don't want to make him self-conscious or lower his self-esteem, but I don't want him to be a laughingstock or be taken advantage of, either. Last year, a bully had DS opening doors for him by saying that's what friends were supposed to do.

THIS IS MY SON TO A T!! !!

He has NO CLUE....he will go talk to anyone, anywhere at any time. We were in the city (manhattan) and my son was tired, so on the packed subway he goes to a stranger and tells them he is tired, he is a kid and he needs to sit...and the people got up for him! He will talk to anyone. He goes up to kids, has no idea if people are annoyed with him, making fun of him, etc....

I am not sure how to reign him in. One way I love that he is friendly and social, but another way I worry about his safety. He is gullible and trusting and has no idea what is safe or not, what is a good situation, he just will chat with anyone!

you arent alone!

Completely opposite of withdrawn here...and he is 7 too. He has always been like this.

All of these things are skills that must be explicitly taught to our kids. He needs to be taught that people engage in conversation which is a back and forth exchange between two people. He can be taught at first to ask particular questions and listen for the other person's answer. We actually have this set as a goal in DS's IEP that he will learn reciprocal conversation. He also needs to be taught to look at the other person's body language for signs about how that person is reacting to him when he is talking. A trusted friend could be designated to ask questions of; e.g. Is that REALLY what friends do? (In regards to situations like the bully telling him he should open doors for him.) The list goes on. Try Michelle Garcia Winner's book "You are a Social Detective". She also has a website: http://www.socialthinking.com/home

I think it was in the Temple Grandin's book where she said that it takes hundreds and hundreds of repetitions and examples to learn some of these social rules.

I was like that as a kid (maybe milder, but in that direction.) I also used to talk to strangers a lot as a 3, 4,5 year old.

My mom used to cut out news reports of crime--rapes, attacks etc, thinking it would help. I ended up getting a lot of anxiety, so you have to make sure you are balanced when you warn them about things, because of the black and white thinking of Aspies.

The nuance of caution vs. too much caution is really hard. I don't know how to advise how because my parents did a really awful job of it.

That's funny! My son also asks for things he shouldn't (despite being told a million times not to). I'm always amazed at the things he gets people to do or give to him. He once got a librarian to give him the toy school bus that was decorating the checkout counter.



Thanks, I will look into that. He has a social skills workbook (Knowing Yourself, Knowing Others) that has helped some.



Unfortunately, my son thinks he can "beat up" strangers.

I think the key is to understand that they have to learn all of this by rote. In other words, they aren't going to one day be able to "pick up on" the fact that, e.g. someone is really annoyed with them, so we have to really work with them about all these social skills A LOT. Every time you go out in public, think about how there could be a lesson in it for him. Give him an "assignment" each day for school like finding out what one friend's favorite movie is and ask him to report that back to you. Practice, practice practice! Does he have a social skills group at school? One suggestion that was made to us was to find some good peer models at school and teach DS to look to those kids as an example during times when he isn't sure what he should do. Of course, they need to be kids who can be counted on to be doing the right thing when he looks their way!

My son was exactly like that at 7. He has toned it down a lot now (2 weeks shy of 11). Mostly what helped was by spelling out specific rules.

I second MGW's social thinking materials. My kids both love them. My daughter actually took one of her books to "teach" it to her school psychologist last week! LOL! She also took it in for Share a Book day in 1st grade because she had identified numerous kids in her first grade class who did not have social smarts! LOL!

My daughter's a very outgoing little girl, to an extreme. I don't think she's quite as 'in your face' as she used to be. I don't think I'm doing much to influence it, it's just part of her growing up, I think. That said, I do a lot of ad hoc explaining, e.g. so and so is getting annoyed, stop touching his hair. We've not done any social stories for this purpose.

I was the same as a youngster, until I was about 7yrs. But, then I became painfully shy. This is what I don't want for her. I want her to keep her confidence.

Thats how my dd5 is. It can also be a problem because no one beleives they have social problems. I get told so many times she cant have aspergers because shes so outgoing, confident and chatty. But if you look closely you notice she talks too loud, talks over people, interupts, talks about random things, cant answer questions, changes the subject, says inappropriate things and talks to anyone. She will tell complete strangers our address and invte them for tea! She will shout out the window to older girls coming home from school and call them "Barbie girls" thinking that will be received as a compliment lol.

My daughter is getting better, she seems to be learning who she can talk to, and what she can say. Sometimes I see her saying something inapproriate and she looks at me awkwardly like she thinks I might be about to pull her up on it, then she hesitates and tries go back on it. So she can and is learning how to interact with people properly. I just keep reminding her whats ok and whats not ok. Its so natural to me as an NT but it really makes you think how much she has to learn when you have to explain that sort of thing. She shouts "I love you" to strangers and now she checks before saying it to everyone, I give her a little prompt that no one notices to let her know she can say it, I know shes dying to bless her. So just keep going over what hes doing wrong and making suggestions of what he could say or do in situations that crop up. We often have a chat in the car on the way home about things she might have done wrong or praise her for things shes done well

Bolded is me. I probably can beat up strangers too. That said, I've never as far as I can recall have a "stranger," especially one I initiated contact with ever harm me, it's always people I know really. Why be scared of strangers?

A while ago people were having an estate sale. I had no money, but I wanted a bike. So I was just like "Hey I got no money, can I have that bike?" And they were like "Sure" and I got the bike. Then I went back after the estate sale ended and I was like "Hey I saw a record player down there, can I have it?" Because I figured they were gonna throw out the remaining anyway. So I got a bike, a record player, and some speakers for free. Just because I asked. Another time at Burger King, my sister who's not Aspie, but has anxiety and wouldn't even order at restaurants until like 15 years old, asked me to get a refill for her Slushie. I didn't pay for the Slushie refill like most people would, I just was like "Hey can you refill this?" And they did.

THE WORLD IS MY OYSTER!