My Tomboy is Becoming Girly (a bit)

Post Reply New Topic

My wee girl has always been a tomboy. I'm not one for distinguishing between genders, but she has always stood out from her peers, for not wanting to know about things she considers to be 'girly', e.g. dolls and fashion. She plays with Transformers, Playmobil and Lego and has a doll and doll's pram, but her teddy sits in the pram instead. She seldom wears girly clothes and would much rather wear joggers and a t-shirt.

Last night, I was helping her to get ready to go to see a show. We were in the changing rooms, after her swimming lesson, and she was standing there with a pretty dress on, which she had picked out the night before and was happy to wear (it was blue, but very girly, with a lovely petticoat). She was even wearing tights, which her sensory issues usually assign to the intolerable heap. As I was blow drying her hair, she reached into a shoulder bag, which she has been carrying around for a few days, and took out some lipgloss, which she had received in a party bag. She said, 'I knew we were going out tonight, so I put this in my bag this morning', then she applied it. Then I noticed her looking behind her, at a couple of boys she knows. I actually think she was looking to see their reactions to how she was looking (she was stunning afterall). We then went out for dinner. Afterwards, I said I was going to the toilet and she came along, just to re-apply her lipgloss.

I'm flabbergasted and my husband is bemused. Is this something that normally happens with little girls, when they get to 7yrs? There has been major changes in her behaviour over the past few weeks. She's becoming much easier to cope with, but I never expected this to happen. I remember I became slightly interested in boys at around that age, in a romantic way. She has male friends, but I didn't think she was viewing them as boyfriends.

How cute (actually, how cute both before and after!) One of the advantages to being a little girl is that you can explore more of these sides of yourself without breaking social protocols - boys have a much harder time.

I think it's great that she is exploring who she can be. I will be interested to read if this lasts, or if it's temporary - did you ask her about it? It may be an attempt on her part to communicate socially with other girls.

I'm frightened to speak too much about it, in case she thinks I'm poking fun at her. I do wonder if it's going to last. It will be strange if it does. I'm a bit of a tomboy myself, although I do dress very feminine/glamorous, now and again, for big nights out, one of which was on Saturday. She might be picking up on that, even though she only saw photos. It just seems really odd that it's coming hand in hand with the behaviour improvements.

IDK, kind of makes sense to me - behavior improvements are part of her seeing and understanding the world around her. Maybe it just didn't occur to her to dress and act like a girl before, because she never really noticed girls.

At any rate, I think it's a very positive thing and I'm glad to read that things are going well! Kudos to you!

actually when I was a preschool teacher, this was usually seen around ages 3 to 6 as girls recognized their gender/gender differences, and tried to be like mom or other girls. So I would guess she is just doing the normal developmental thing, just a bit later.

My daughter is also 7, but she has always been a girly-girl as far as clothes are concerned. She calls herself a "girly tomboy" because she does not like to play with "girl things" but will usually wear only skirts and dresses. I have not noticed any behavior changes with her like you have mentioned, but her teacher did note that she seems particularly mindful of the other kids in her class, which is something new for her. Her teacher actually said that she is seen as "one of the kinder kids in the class" by her peers which is 100% new. She used to just be a bossy tattle-tale, but now her teacher says she goes out of her way to be kind to other kids, even when it is done in an awkward way. So maybe 7 is an age where they start looking outward more.

My son was 7 when he took a downward spiral and it was because that is when he realized he wasn't like other kids and that many of the other kids didn't like him. He had no idea why, but suddenly he became aware. So perhaps kids deal with the realization that they are not like others in different ways?

I hit that stage around nine. I don't think there were any behavioral changes around that time. I think it was just the beginnings of puberty with me, but then I was very socially unaware.

This just reminded me of a couple of very recent instances where I thought she was becoming really 'motherly'. We were leaving the school and she was a few feet ahead of me, along with my neighbour's 2 kids (one of them is only 3). The gate was closed to traffic, but the pedestrian gate was open and some drivers were using the entrance as a turning bay. My neighbour and I shouted to the kids to wait at the kerb. As quick as a flash, my daughter grabbed the little one's hand and told her to stay with her. Now, this is coming from a girl who, until very recently, if told to stay put, would do the exact opposite. Then, a few days ago, my friend's son (who is 4) came out of class, holding a picture he had made. She went over to him and, in a very grown up kind of way, asked to see the picture and told him that he had done a very good job. Her tone was just lovely too. She has always been a sweet natured little girl, but this is making me think that she really is growing up, and in a nice way.

Last edited by Mummy_of_Peanut on 01 Nov 2012, 6:14 am, edited 3 times in total.

Yes, I can see the connection. It was just unexpected that she suddenly changed to not seeming so tomboyish (in her appearance anyway). Last night, she was dressed as a werewolf, but this was planned some time ago. She could quite easily have been a boy dressed up, because the costume was an off the shelf one, intended for boys. She enjoyed doing it, but later on she said thay next year she wanted to go out as a witch or princess (girly choices yet again).

I think so too. But, she has been extremely tomboyish, IYSWIM, to the point where I've actually considered that she might have gender identity issues. She thinks she has boy hands and a boy voice and has said on numerous occasions that she thinks she is a boy. She has never been interested in girly things at all until now. I've been comparing her with her peers for years and they seemed to have been girly, almost from the outset, some refusing to wear trousers or blue. But, perhaps the parental influence on very young girls plays a big part and that's why she was so different. Nothing I've ever said or done has ever had much influence on her at all (not that I've ever pushed the girly thing on her anyway). I do buy her dresses, which she will wear for special occasions, but we've given up on buying her girly toys. We just let her decide on things for herself (we really don't have an option with this girl ) and this seems to be the outcome, so far.

I never hit the girly stage until a couple of years ago and it's intermittent. I became interested in boys when I was about 7, just prior to puberty. My behavioural change occurred at the same time. I went from being very outgoing to very shy, nervous and selectively mute (my worst fear for my daughter).

My NT daughter is 1 (will be 2 in Jan) and she has noticed she is a girl. She kept taking my bag, so I had to get a little pink kitty bag for her. She walks back and forth the mirror, looking at herself, holding the bag the way I hold my bag . In the morning while I am getting ready for work, she puts on her sandals, gets her bag, and howevers by the door, waiting for me to get ready.

I did not reach this step until I got my own children (around 30)! I do find that very mature. I always preferred to hang out with the boys (and often still do) they are so much easier to understand

My oldest boy (12) is nothing like this but my middel boy (9) is very kind and social. I was actually quite sure that he was NT until I realized that sensory issues and meltdowns might not be normal behaviour