Tips for My 5 Yo Please

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I have a son who has not been diagnosed, but I have and his brain works just like mine. I refuse to let him publicly have that diagnosis because people will treat him different. I think the best way is to just deal, but i would like some realistic tips on how to assist him in socializing. He does well but there are many times when things happen and I have no clue what the proper response should be, or I think I do and it ends up not being not even remotely appropriate.

Point of this post was to have members post things that have helped them with their kids in the past. Please give me some tips on how I can teach him to follow social ques better. Hes a great kid just has the occasional misunderstanding with certain situations.

I don't care to give specifics to stay anonymous, but any help would be greatly appreciated. Thanks

I think some of the top resources are Social Detective, (which is a program), making your own social stories, practice different scenarios with a family member (cousin, sibling etc), video modeling, structure during play time, and another program called How Does Your Engine Run?

My son was in a social skills group at school for 4 years (1st through 4th grade) before we had the diagnosis. Unfortunately he learned all the right answers, but was rarely able to apply them in real world situations. He is just beginning to really apply those lessons now at age almost 12 in 6th grade. However, I am glad those lessons are ingrained, so he can sort through them and has something to try when situations stump him.

I can understand not getting a diagnosis because you don't want the stigma. My son wasn't diagnosed until age 11, (although we began searching for answers about a year before that). Believe me, he stood out with out the diagnosis, and people chose their own words to describe him, most of them not positive. He had the stigma of being a "crybaby," "weird," "spoiled," "defiant," "immature," "a bully," "poorly motivated" etc. He developed low self-esteem, believed he was unlikeable, thought there was something wrong with him, became depressed, developed severe social anxiety, and became unmanageable at school and in the classroom. Once I had the diagnosis, I was able to put a stop to these labels, and better explain his behaviors. We were able to get the right support, and after a year and a half, he is much happier, is learning to accept and appreciate his differences, has a way/vocabulary to explain himself to teachers, and has been successful every day except two this year at school.

I hope that finding the right resources without the diagnosis works for you. You do have the advantage of being informed about AS and that may make all the difference. Good luck to you.

After the public diagnosis does he have to go to different classes, do people that he liked before now treat him different? Does he receive special treatment when it isn't called for? (hope not)

Im going to check out those resources thank you very much. I hope your son does well. It's funny some of those labels are total opposites of each other, this proves he's misunderstood. Crybaby Bully?

Thank you again

I can't speak for each country but in Australia, having a diagnosis of an ASD gives a lot of opportunity for funding and financial assistance for therapies and early intervention. My son has also been approved for funding within his school next year and so the class will be given an aide (although this is through the catholic system, as for the state system he is considered too high functioning and would not receive funding).
Just worth bearing in mind - you wouldn't need to yell it through the streets, schools are extremely sensitive to privacy and would not make it public knowledge.

You could probably enroll him in a social skills group - this could be the first step to helping him, and you wouldn't need a diagnosis, I wouldn't think.

I worried a lot about my son being treated differently when he decided to disclose his diagnosis - and while I would exercise caution in doing so, it turned out to be a significantly positive thing. In the Parenting Index, there is a section marked "disclosure" which usually has to do with the child and not their environment, but there are a couple of stories of classroom disclosure. I would imagine that this varies from country to country as well as place to place.

For us, the diagnosis was a godsend because my son's difference became obvious at around 9 years old. It was significantly easier on him to learn that he was neurologically different - his assumption up to that point was that he was evil and stupid and crazy (conclusions he insisted upon all on his own, despite my efforts to tell him he was OK) He did go to speech therapy once he was 10, and had some special treatment by the school (some SPED support for math) and a few accommodations (he didn't have to line up at the beginning or end of school; he could take two breaks per day; extra time on tests) and everybody just rolled with it.

I grew up in an environment where special needs students were feared and ridiculed. Despite all the bad press at the moment, I do think the tide has turned significantly - in fact, the thing we struggle with most right now is the assumption that all kids with Asperger's are gifted or exceptional (and people seem more willing to let that one go than the more negative assumptions people might have made in my childhood.)

You can also find private therapies and do social skills classes and speech therapy (a therapy expressly for the social aspects of communication) without an autism spectrum diagnosis, but separate diagnoses of a speech deficit and social skills deficit.

Good luck!