Inappropriate behaviour towards adults

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1. Yes, I am not a perfect user of logic - nor is anyone - which, in my opinion, is why many neurotypicals seem rather oversensitive.
2. I don't understand the question.
3. I am not saying EVERY EXISTENT aspie or NTs are like that - I am saying that MANY are - from experience of watching most of us.

For number 2, I will rephrase the question. It did not read clear when I re-read it. How do you derive that what some NTs state or consider as inappropriate actually comes from logical reasoning? Why couldn't it come from how the inappropriateness of something makes them feel or something else altogether?

I never said it came from logical reasoning. Which is exactly why I found it preposterous. lol

About the "who cares what NT thinks" aspect of it. I have a 13 year old boy who is doing that to girls in school. (pinching/goosing their bottoms)

It is considered sexual harassment at my school. The girls' parents are lawyering up. This kid HAS NO CLUE that he will be expelled the next go around. He is special needs, but that is no excuse. He will get bounced into a self contained class with EI children.

Of course, everyone is having a ulcer over this. Everything sexual/bathroom humour is so funny to him. He has no filter. The puberty monster has it him really hard. I'm sure a lot of it is, behaviors that weren't a huge issue at 6 or 8, are now the elephant in he room.

A kinder pinching a teacher's butt might get a giggle, but at 13, you could be looking at assault/sexual harassment charges. On top of being expelled.

It's no joke.

So you're saying get him to understand it's inappropriate NOW?

You'd be better removing him from school - legally! - if you can. If you don't do this, and you can't get him to understand that he will get into serious trouble for what he's doing, there will be hell to pay as I'm sure you're very much aware.

Yes, I think that's what he is saying. It takes kids on the spectrum longer to process this kind of information than other kids, and (yes, this is a gross generalization, but it applies in many cases like yours) they really have no understanding of the difference between a baby doing something, a preschooler doing something, a child doing something, a teenager doing something, and an adult doing something. For the really serious stuff (e.g. personal boundaries, especially physical ones) it's better to lean towards behavior that is expected of adults. Yes, it sounds a bit paranoid, but look to some of the posts here by teen parents.

We had a "kissing" phase in preschool/early elementary school that spent a lot of time managing, fortunately DS eventually 'got it' (he wasn't the only one who had trouble sorting out that behavior) and I don't really worry about that issue so much as a teen - although we do talk about ASKING before any kind of physical contact with a girl, and I did buy "A Five is Against The Law" and have him read it this year.

It also applies in other situations: we regularly talk to DS about how he is going to go to college and live in the dorms and what it will be like, and I've been doing it since he was 8. I am fully aware that he might not be ready when he graduates high school, but I want him to know it is a goal we are all working towards and for him to have his brain wrapped around the idea, rather than it being a surprise.

The poster a few above pointed out what was my biggest fear when my son was young and overly affectionate: the legal issues it would create when he was older and was supposed to know better. I recall working on these issues from a number of angles at the same time:

1) Logic. Every angle you can dream up. You know they won't take the rule to heart until they've got a logical reason for it they can buy into it.
2) Clear information on potential consequences the behavior would have if he did it as a teen or adult, and I'm speaking jail. Everyone has a right to make their own decisions about what or does not happen with their body: that is the LAW. "Law" is something aspie kids can understand.
3) Getting the adults around him to apply the same rules to how they interact with him, and they want from him interacting with them. There is no logic in the eyes of most aspies for age lines. All they see hypocrisy.
4) Zero tolerance on invasive touching. Learning the difference between what is OK and what is not is too complicated and nuanced; you have to go to zero tolerance. Depending on the child, you MIGHT be able to have different definitions for invasive touching within the family unit than outside the family unit.
5) Clear and defined consequences for not following the guidelines you have provided. They don't have to be severe, they just have to be defined and consistent, and applied even when the error was slight. And if you as the parent break the rule ... you give the same consequence to yourself. My son was able to understand that different families might have different rules, but he needed everyone in our family to follow the same rules.

This was, unfortunately, a very difficult concept for my son to understand, and I really was scared. But, yes, he learned. It took YEARS, so you have to start very young. At 5, they get away with it. At 15, they won't.

Hunh!? Aside from the sexual element of pinching butts............being pinched anywhere is painful, annoying and invasive. How much explaining would it take to get anyone who understands language to logically understand that it's bad to pinch because no one likes it? Is it equally difficult to understand, logically, why hitting or kicking is bad?

I meant in a friendly joking context. I physically joke around with my "lower on the spectrum" (not trying to be derogatory of anyone D: ) friends who don't understand that most people don't like the physical joking. Of course, if I have a friend who doesn't like physical joking and they ask me to stop, I'm fine with that.

Last edited by Wolfmaster on 03 Feb 2013, 1:13 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I understand your point but in my sons case its more like a nudge than a hard pinch, he thinks it´s like a tickle. But he shouldn´t "tickle" his teachers either.