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Eliasandjonasmom
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10 Jan 2013, 11:45 am

My ds decided he doesnt like the taste of toothpaste, doesnt like washing his hair good so he gets white flakes, and skipping deodorant. He wont change his undies and socks unless i hand them to him. He is 11 1/2 so im thinking we should have this mastered already. He is too old for me or his dad to feel comfortable watching him shower to make sure he does it right. How am I supposed to convince him taking care of his body is being healthy and loving himself and being respectful to others. I feel so bad making him show me there is tooth paste on his tooth brush and making him show me putting his deodorant on. Theres got to be an easier way. He skips all this stuff every chance he gets, no matter what kind of reward I bribe him with. He is getting to the preteen age where his bodys changing so hes got to step it up with these things before other kids notice and tease him like mad. Any tips?



JustKeepSwimming
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10 Jan 2013, 3:20 pm

My DD is just like your DS, would skip all this hygiene :D
Firstly, you have to give steps in how to wash their hair, my DD still doesn't like the feel of shampoo but bears it because l have kept encouraging her. I have stood in front of her and shown her by demonstrating what l do, (l'm clothed and not in the shower, just modeling what to do) my hubbie goes about showering different to me so she is given an option of another way.
Deodorant, once again hates the feel of it so we have a allergy free roll on one that she uses as the first base because it doesn't sting and then we use the more serious deodorant after that as the allergy free/natural one doesn't stop her sweating.
Brushing teeth has been a drama too but she has finally come good with that, now it's just being reminded she needs to brush her teeth. I have had to go step by step with brushing teeth too and the dentist talking about it helped a lot too.
Hope that helps.


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ASDsmom
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10 Jan 2013, 7:19 pm

I wonder if it's due to the toxins in the supplies he's using?



mimw
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10 Jan 2013, 8:46 pm

My DD has long been resistant to hygiene and is so noncompliant that she would never take instruction from us. She is 18 now. In the last couple of years, she has gotten better. Maybe not as concerned as mainstream, but not bad. She even takes pride sometimes. Unfortunately she has never had any cavities, so I don't think she brushes her teeth very carefully.



momsparky
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10 Jan 2013, 8:53 pm

We had some success using gadgets. DS is about your son's age, but he loves gadgetry, so when we bought him a Spinbrush that lights up for the duration you are supposed to be brushing, that helped a lot (it also gave him a definitive start and stop time.) There are also toothbrushes that play music, etc.

DS also complains about the deodorant being cold every morning - I can get him to do it, but when I was a kid, I used a deodorant body powder instead of the typical stuff. I've even seen it in little underarm applicator bottles. Maybe that would be easier for your son?

Sometimes little changes and an acknowledgement that hygiene is difficult and uncomfortable even if we still have to do it are helpful. Every kid is different, sometimes it takes a lot of tweaking before you find the right thing.

Good luck!



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10 Jan 2013, 9:18 pm

Have you ever considered instead of the weird block of soap deodarant to use a gel unscented deodorant?

And ever considered maybe taking them shampoo shopping and asking which one they'd like to use?

Just some ideas. Not sure if I'm even helpful.



momsparky
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10 Jan 2013, 9:30 pm

Another idea - we talk to DS all the time about how our goal as a family is to help him be an independent adult, and whenever I ask him to do something he doesn't want to do, I put it in that frame. We talk a lot about this goal in general, which gives me an opening to talk about it in specific.

So, for hygiene, I say something like "When you are on your own, your employer will expect you to brush your teeth, shower, comb your hair and wear deodorant. I am asking you to do it now so you have practice for when you are on your own. It will be easier for you if it becomes a habit."



ASDsmom
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10 Jan 2013, 11:45 pm

A lot of deodorants contain aluminum which is harmful. Maybe he's reacting to that?



Eliasandjonasmom
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11 Jan 2013, 7:41 am

Thanks for all advice. I think its something we just have to keep dealing with it. I dont think he is reacting to toxins, once he gets the stuff done he doesnt complain, and he would if something was bugging him trust me lol. He is not scratching or anything and with the toothpaste i have him use a pea size amount or less if he can manage that. I think its just the act of doing it that he feels is pointless. I have told him "in the real world no one will hire you if you dont keep up your personal appearance with teeth brushing and all that like 200,000,000 times. Guess we will just have to hope that after 200,000,000 of telling him to do it and checking it just might become habit. Oh and he is a big gadget man too. I dont know how much money ive spend on spin brushes with timers and seperate little mini timers and stuff like that. He just doesnt wanna do it. One day at a time I guess. thanks again all



zette
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11 Jan 2013, 7:56 am

For the items he is capable of doing solo (ie toothbrushing) maybe it's time for a reward system? Bonus points if he does an item without you prompting (and brings you proof, perhaps smelling his breath or a video of him brushing). The rewards have to be meaningful and motivating to him, though -- wii time or saving toward a lego purchase would work for my son. Your goals (being socially acceptable to employers and others in society) are not motivating to him at this point. Even the threat of cavities is a far-off consequence (skipping brushing one time or even for a month doesn't result in one).



hanyo
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11 Jan 2013, 8:12 am

If he doesn't like the taste of toothpaste why not get him a kind where he can stand the taste? I hate the taste of toothpaste because many toothpastes are mint flavored and I don't like the taste of mint.



Eliasandjonasmom
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11 Jan 2013, 8:34 am

Yes I hear what your saying about mint, I keep on trying to buy differnt flavors for him much it happens with each one. We will keep trying.



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11 Jan 2013, 8:46 am

Quote:
Deodorant, once again hates the feel of it so we have a allergy free roll on one that she uses as the first base because it doesn't sting and then we use the more serious deodorant after that as the allergy free/natural one doesn't stop her sweating.


I would not force him to use a deodorant that stops sweating. These deodorants are on a aluminium-acid base, that works by destroying the upper skin areas (precisely its tanning it like leather), destroying the exits of the sweat pores as well.

Dont know how it is in the US, in the EU there are limits how much Aluminium may pass through the body, so that the deodorant is allowed to be sold. The problem is the companies are cheating because their deodorants only fit this limits when used on not hurted skin. (And even then then they are very high.) The problem is, most people shave themselfs, and on fresh shaved skins 5 x more aluminium is passing into your body, so way beyond the limits.

So sure you cannot avoid every poisonous product and everythings depends on the amount of substance, but that these metal substances are poisonous and damaging your body is a fact. So we cannot avoid it in every situation and you can discuss endlessly about the advantages and miss-advantages of vaccines, but anti-sweating deodorant really is absolutely not life essential. ^^

When it comes to the rest of hygiene, dont know if this was ok for you, but i started to clean myself more often, when my class comerades told me to do so around 12. ^^ (It was not that my parents did not care, but they were very poor as childs themselfs, and so had another standard of hygiene they teached me, than most of the other parents of my classmates. So because I did well in school, i went to upper school where most people had richer parents and were used to daily showering and so on, so I stood out until they said so.)

Maybe if friends talked to him about that, it would make more sense to him. :) So you are his mother and your nagging around because its your job to do so. (So it seems for teenagers.) But friends tell you such things, if they really are disturbed by it, not to push you around. :)



hanyo
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11 Jan 2013, 8:51 am

I don't really have much help to give since I still have hygiene problems to this day at the age of 37. All I can think of is to try to reduce things that make it harder or unpleasant, such as the room or water being uncomfortably cold or hot, or using shower gel or bar soap depending on which one they like less. I prefer shower gel over bar soap.

I still have trouble getting myself to do these things on a regular basis.



momsparky
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11 Jan 2013, 9:02 am

I do think you are right - once you have tried everything, you just have to keep at it until it sinks in. Rinse, repeat.

Keep in mind that you are expecting adult hygiene habits from someone who is at least 30% less mature than his chronological age. In other words, this doesn't sound like unreasonable behavior from a 7 year old, even if it is frustrating.

Do what you can, and hang in there!



Eliasandjonasmom
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11 Jan 2013, 9:30 am

Thanks so much everyone. I hope you all have a great weekend. And we will try and rinse and repeat lol i like that one ;) Ill also try to keep an eye out for more natural type products and allow him to use the minimum within reason.