Concerns about my almost 3 year old.

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Hi. First post. I am the mom of one little boy who will turn 3 in March. He's always been a little off and was an unusual baby who preferred an ice cold bottle of formula or pumped breast milk to a warm one, barely slept and wanted held all the time. We thought it was just his personality and he was high needs. Other people told us he was spoiled. He would only sleep swaddled up snuggly with his little body pressed as close to mine as he could get. He still doesn't sleep through the night at almost 3 and is up at least once a night. He did not sit up unsupported until 9 months old although he was doing an army crawl at 8 months. He did not walk until 15 months. Overall he was healthy. He had some oddities like staring at fans and lights and he would fall asleep using hard objects for pillows which is something he still does.

At 18 months old, he was really not speaking. He did babble but the only word he said that was understandable was 'no'. His doctor referred him for speech therapy which we were able to start in November of 2011. By spring of 2012, he was using a few garbled words like thank you but still very behind. He was able though to recognize and name all the letters of the alphabet and numbers 1-9 in print. He loved a set of abc magnets his speech therapist had. But he wasn't learning words. His therapist had us get his hearing checked and we found his ears were blocked with fluid. He'd never had an ear infection that we knew of. The doctor said it may just be non infected fluid. He had tubes placed and he finally started speaking and within a few months was putting a few words together. He had a ton of repetitive speech where he parroted us but we were told that was normal since he was hearing everything clearly now. His speech therapist said he didn't need speech therapy anymore but she did refer him to a language preschool class for fall to develop social language.

By September 2012 he was able to put 3-4 word sentences together and he said 'mama' for the first time at 2.5. He started going to language preschool which was once a week. By the end of the month the speech therapists were pointing out other concerns with my son. They said he seemed to have some major sensory issues. He got overwhelmed easily by the other children and would walk away. He started trying to escape the classroom when music time started and was very upset. He would only calm down by being held tightly in my lap. They pointed out how he responded best to deep pressure. They had an OT come and watch him. She said he likely had sensory processing disorder and he had low muscle tone. He was put on a wait list for OT.

What we had thought were normal toddler tantrums were becoming more alarming. He was having meltdowns not just because he didn't get his way but due to changes in routine or something being out of place. We live in an apartment complex with an assigned parking spot. Occasionally it gets stolen by someone else and we have to park in another spot. Whenever this happens he is ok when we park but when we go out to the car later, my son freaks out and goes into panic mode that the car is gone and missing. Same with his toys at home. He lines up all his cars and his little people buildings on the shelf or the couch or his little toddler table. We are not allowed to touch or move anything or he panics and has a melt down. As his language has progressed he is saying things like "it mine car. it mine. don't touch it".

He is obsessed with the cars more than anything else. He lines them up all day and will not share them with us. The idea of sharing a car if I or Daddy asks for one makes him go into a panic. He is truly distressed by the idea of his car line up being disrupted or us playing with his cars. When we are in the car driving somewhere, the only thing he sees out the window are cars. He greets our car when we pick him up from daycare like it is an old friend.

He seems immune to pain. When he was younger he would bang his head but this has stopped as he has gained language. He flings himself against the floor and walls though when upset. He can get bumps and bruises and he doesn't notice. But something small like a string caught on him, he freaks out and says it hurts and gets very upset. Tooth brushing bothers him too but he's been more tolerant lately.

His child care provider suggested in October that we have him evaluated by early intervention. She was concerned he was behind on a lot of skills and because of his melt downs and how he doesn't calm down easily. Early intervention evaluated him in November and he was found to have global developmental delays. He was still testing low in speech and communication at a 23 month old level at 32 months. Adaptive skills were the worst at 15 months. Fine motor 18 months, gross motor 28 months. He got assigned a early intervention teacher to work with him weekly. They started us on the school transition process. They also said to see his doctor for a developmental pediatrician referral.

We brought the eval in to our doctor at the end of November. His first response was that our son may be on the autism spectrum and he wrote a developmental pediatrician referral saying our son needs a neurobehavioral assessment. We have that appointment coming up in 3 weeks with Dr. Tripp at Mary Bridge Children's Hospital in Tacoma, WA. The closer it gets the more worried I get and the more confused about whether or not my child may be on the spectrum. I've taken the online mchat and the results say we should have him assessed but I am not sure when taking it to take into account some of his recently developed skills. He finally started pointing to objects in the last few months where he wasn't before.

He does do some imaginary play in that he will pretend to say hello on the phone, give his baby doll a bottle and he did name his cars. But he can't maintain eye contact more than a few seconds and when he plays with his cars while he does name them I've noticed he makes them have conversations that are primarily him repeating things he has heard us say. His early intervention teacher said she notices he uses rote phrases a lot where he just parrots what he has heard. The cars do beep and he also likes to say he is a car. Language wise he doesn't seem to be developing the ability to have a back and forth conversation very well. He will often zone out and start rambling on in a mixture of nonsensical words and English. He memorizes songs he hears on the radio quickly and will sing them. Same with commercial jingles and tv themes. He often will appear to not be listening to us then we will hear him start echoing words my husband and I are saying when we are talking. His speech therapists say the echolalia is normal for a child with expressive language delays. He never bonded to a stuffed animal or baby blanket the way other children do until we made him a weighted blanket. He loves his weighted blanket and named it Thomas after the train because it has a train print on it.

What I do know is my child is obviously different. We have tried to take him to library story time and play groups and he always stands out like a sore thumb. I don't even know if the initial developmental pediatrician visit will answer any questions.

Hi there, and welcome.

First off - I am a parent, not a professional - but, I have to say that even taking into account your son's early hearing problems, everything you say seems to me to indicate autism.

My son is now 11 years old, diagnosed with Asperger's when he was 7 years old, and doing fine.

He also has sensory processing issues, so major injuries don't bother him, and very minor things do. Cars - yes, he used to line them up all the time and was also very possessive of them, could name every make and model of car he saw on the road, and knew who each car in our street belonged to.

The only way in which your son seems to differ significantly from mine is that my son was speaking well at 18 months, but he didn't have any hearing issues.

Whatever the diagnosis, your son sounds like a lovely wee boy!

I would echo what Marcia said. He sounds like he is somewhere on the spectrum. The lack of reciprocity in speech, the echolalia, the rigidity and the special interests; they especially stand out to me.

I know it seems scary at first. If your son gets a diagnosis for autism, it will seem very frightening at first. After awhile, you realize (or at least I did) that the label does not change who a child is. It just helps you get him assistance when he needs it. There are a lot of good traits that are part of the spectrum too. The doctors won't tell you about those; but they are there. I will just talk about special interests right now b/c you mentioned your son's interest in his cars. When autistic children get older, you would be surprised how much they will learn about their interests. It is an amazingly awesome thing to watch. It makes them so happy, and you never know what awesome things it might lead to.

I concur that this looks like autism, keeping in mind I'm neither a professional nor do I know you or your child - but also and more importantly, I concur with the "don't panic."

First of all, it's not your fault. I repeat NOT YOUR FAULT. I know when we were first trying to figure it out, I took every indicator that my son was not "on target" as an assessment of my parenting skills. While my parenting skills certainly weren't perfect (nobody who has a kid who has meltdowns can be a perfect parent. Not that parents of NT (neurotypical, or typically developing) kids are perfect, either.) the things that should have raised flags were not about my parenting, but about my child's development.

The reason we are all telling you not to panic is the common misconception that a developmental delay means the child will stop developing. Don't worry - you may have to readjust the way you think about development for your child, but he's going to keep learning and growing just like all children: he just won't do it in the same way or at the same pace. Be aware that not developing "at the same pace" can mean that your child will be ahead in some areas, as well as behind in some. Catching it this early means you will have better access to parenting tools that will help make everybody in your family more at ease, including you and your child.

Any diagnosis is only as good as the information and services it gets you. Don't let them label your child and walk away: autism is a very, very big word and encompasses a LOT of detail. You need to know exactly what your child's deficits and strengths are, and walk away with a plan for how to best mitigate the deficits and exploit the strengths - if you don't get that, get a second opinion.

There is lots of help out there and you aren't alone. For starters, take a look at this 100 days kit that offers a lot of immediate resources http://www.autismspeaks.org/family-serv ... 00-day-kit

Secondly, this forum is a great resource - you can crowdsource solutions to specific problems by posting questions here, which will be answered by parents and autistic adults (and both) alike. Do keep in mind that sometimes posters here are very blunt, but we are typically speaking from experience.

If you don't have questions but want to know more, there are many helpful links posted at the top of this board.

Good luck!

You must have some idea that he is on the spectrum somewhere becasue you came to this site, so I am sure the PPs replies arent a huge shock to you. I agree he certainly sounds like he is on the spectrum, but that being said, there are a lot of resources and if you get him help(as it sounds like you have been doing) he will progress!

Hang in there, he is stil so young and with the right services he can come a long way!! !

Welcome to the club???

I never quite know what to say in situations like this.

All in all, I would have to say that having a kid (actually 2) who is atypically wired is not nearly as bad as I had feared it would be. And I mean that as seriously as it can be said. It's not nearly as bad. Most days I wouldn't even characterize it as "bad" at all

Please come here when you have questions or just when you need support. It will help a lot. Gaining insight from the adults on the spectrum here will help a lot too. That was one of the best things for me (on a different site, not here) because it really balanced out the view that society, the media, and professionals can sometimes paint.

While I am not happy you had a reason to seek us out, I am glad you found us!

Thank you for the replies

There are days when I am sure he is on the spectrum and other days where I doubt it. He has improved so much through speech therapy and he just started OT last month. His speech therapist started doing some testing with him and his receptive and expressive language seems to be in the normal range right now. He still does not do well with back and forth conversations most of the time and he still does a lot of parroting but it's improved. The inability to have a conversation alarms me still. He can do it and sometimes he will but a lot of times he starts rambling about what he wants to talk about or start singing. His speech therapist says it's developmentally normal at nearly 3 to not follow social cues in a conversation but cousin's son who is a year younger does a better job with it then mine. I feel like his pragmatic language skills aren't developing but I don't know if it's normal at his age or not. I taught preschool for 8 years before he was born. Most 3 year olds I recall were able to make choices and could understand simple two step directions. He struggles to choose between two items and will either pick the last choice offered or grab for both. He also will find a word or phrase he likes to say and say it over and over. One day this week it was "tuba, tuba, saxophone, saxophone" another day it was "letter c, letter c". Today it was "berry-terry" and "falling down" His speech therapist made him a first and then picture schedule using PECS because he struggles with routines and staying on task. She tells me a lot of things he does are normal but then says he still needs speech therapy so I don't know.

Socially, he's not withdrawn but he never developed stranger danger and doesn't seem to get that not everyone wants said hi to or wants a hug. At daycare he wants to be friends but he will do things like grab another child and try to drag them somewhere to play even if they tell him no. He just doesn't seem to get personal space at all. Kids tell him they don't want to play and he says "COME ON FRIEND!" and tries to make them. My husband and I try to teach him but he doesn't get it. I feel like he doesn't get body language but we have been told this is normal at 3. He seems to be able to recognize facial expressions when looking at pictures though.

On the other hand he can be so polite saying "thank you" "please" and "you're welcome"

When the school district evaluate him they said he may have some auditory processing issues. I know he either melts down when he is in a situation that is loud and overwhelming or he starts making a ton of noise himself. Yesterday he started scream singing the itsy bitsy spider while in the check out at the grocery store. He was completely zone out and ignoring me with a glazed over look in his eyes. The school district also commented on the spout on his sippy cup being chewed so his early intervention teacher said she would get him a sensory chewy toy