Not a parent question so much as a "big sis" one.

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So my sister is super NT. I'm not.
And we've been pretty distant until recently when I moved back home (theres 7 years between us).
She just hitting her "worst" teenage years, turning 16 in the summer, and I remember this as being the worst time of my life because I didn't have anyone to open up to during these times. She has friends, best friends, and a boyfriend.
Recently I was using her laptop and when I opened the internet it redirected to Facebook, and she was logged into her boyfriends Facebook page. There was a chat popped up with one of his female friends and the thing that caught my attention is her asking:
"Is Amy okay? She always seems so sad".
I don't know if this is true, but is there any way that I can get her to open up to me. I know she's happy that her and her big sister are finally bonding and that she looks up to me (even though I'm a pretty crap role model). If she is as sad as it seems to her friends I want her to know that someone is there that will never judge her.
Both of us have been going through an interesting time lately as we both recently met our biological families (We're both adopted) and I know for a time she felt as if I was replacing her. I have made this extremely clear that this is not true and recently my significant other and i have started attending her soccer games on a regular basis (she's one of the best players in the city) and her boyfriend's hockey games.
I just don't know how to approach the situation.

RawSugar, it looks to me that you are doing a wonderful job of supporting and "being there" for your sister. Chatting with her, attending her activities, giving her attention etc., I don't know if you can do more than that. You can't draw conclusions from Facebook. You'll have to wait for some real evidence that she is actually sad. I think that if there is/was something really negative going on in her life, you'll see it eventually if you just continue on giving her loving attention. Just be someone she can trust, and if she wants to tell you something, she will. Looks like both of you could use some support (just saying because you mentioned being a negative role model.)

(I don't really know... my NT daughter just turned into a teen last week.)

I have to agree with AAnn 100%. And add: A extremely large part of being a good parent: sister: or brother is wanting to be.

Anytime you see me giving advice Its always opinion. If I say something I believe to be fact. I will say that its a fact.
If you were a parent asking the same question. I would probably have the same advice..

The first thing would point to: is we are talking about a teenage girl.

It has been my experience that teens NT or not. All struggle trying to find their identity They want to see where they fit. with their peers: socially: or in the world generally speaking. Teens struggle to pull away to establish themselves as individuals. But are unclear of the direction they want to steer to. This results in "teen angst" http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Angst.

Typically pushing one direction or another results in pushing back or some other form of resistance. Also the age of direct intervention is over. "Because I said so" is pretty unsuccessful at this point.

IMHO the best options left. Are model as best you can. And be honest open about issues you have. It is much less painless for them to open up to you if they believe it is their idea. Something like: " I don't know the answers But I will always listen" Or simply "I want to be a good sister" is really enough. The idea is to plant the seed. Leave a spark of light. This may not be instantly rewarding. But down the road those things are remembered as a door that is open. Its kind of like saying Hi to someone you don't know. Even though today or tomorrow they may not even seem to notice. They do.

Probably one of the reasons you have not seen a ton of responses is its a difficult time for everyone. I really believe the key to "Teens" is not in knowing the right answer. Its being a good listener.

I hate to overgeneralize. But it has been my observation that people on the spectrum tend to be literal and sincere in their words. I would think that would play out as an advantage you would have. Most of the time a teen just needs someone to listen. But when they do ask a direct question I think they prefer that answer to be a sincere one.


And the last thing I would point out: Is that she is a teenage girl.

I would not attach to much weight on what they write on FB. For teens it becomes a drama filled platform for venting or just expressing the emotion of the moment.

What if you just said to her "Being 16 really sucked big time for me. How is it going for you?"

My son is still a pre-teen, but I do find if I start by referring to myself first "Some kids were not very nice to me when I was in middle school. How is it for you so far?" he is much more likely to open up than if I just say "are there any kids being mean to you?"

Just keep doing what you are doing. I would have loved to have an older sister like you!