I appreciate this aricle. y 7yo HF Aspergers son is often misjudged and I am often given bad advice about how to handle meltdowns, etc...
I love the section about when it is crutial to pick ones battles especially in the comunity. I have been in the situation more then once, where my son has had a meltdown in the park, a friends house, store, etc...and we do what we need to do to get him to the car safely. It may look like giving in to some, but if it means getting to safety, do whats necessary.
Once, my son was having a complete meltdown at the park over the ice cream truck. We had NO MONEY and he wanted ice cream. Normally, this isnt an issue, but he was in meltdown mode. The Ice cream truck was in the parking lot, which was many hundreds of feet away from the playground. he took off to the lot, and I still have my 2yo (at the time) on the playground equipment. I had my purse on a bench (who really cares, but in all actuality I do need that, and my keys were in it). What do I do? I had to get him, her and our things and try to make it all the way to the car, passed the ice cream truck. Eventually, nothing was working, he was in full blown meltdown mode, yelling "ice cream" over and over... so I started to tell him a story about his fav video game characters, and at first he was upset but he eventually got engaged enough int he story to follow my lead to the car.
When I replayed that situation to a therapist, they told me that was not a good thing to do, casue I am teaching him a reward, hearing a story he likes, after or during a meltdown. In theory, I get it. BUT when you are alone with kids running in either drection, one who may fall off equipment, one who may dart into a parking lot or worse, you do what is the safest to get everyone out of danger. Easier said then done. And we did discuss it later at home, and he apologized and really didnt know why he was so upset about it. It was a meltdown. No explination necessary.
Another time he was in the store with my DH, his dad, who has NO IDEA how to handle my son at all. He was in a bad way my son, and DH handled it all wrong by yelling at him, and threatening to take his video games away, and never take him out again, telling my son to stop being spoiled, etc...yeah not too smart. My son grabbed a bag of candy and DH tried to rip it from his hands and it broke. He now had to buy it and my son was now melting. DH calls me. He cant get DS to leave the store, he is hanging on the bag of candy screaming. I tell him to tell DS that he has to come to the car and then he can have a piece, but he has to walk out of the store nicely. He does, DH gives him a piece of candy. Did we just reward a meltdown, I dunno, maybe. But DH wasnt getting hiim out of the store any other way, and DH handled the whole thing wrong. Again, we discussed with DS about grabbing candy, yelling in the store, not listening to dad, etc...and we also spoke to DAD about how to react when in the store and he doesnt want to buy for DS.
UGH, so many instances, but again, I understand fully that how we handle meltdowns at home or in secrue situatons are completely different then when things are in public, can get unsafe or scarey. And people looking or passing judgment of what they would and wouldnt do needs to stop. Take my kid for a few days and tell me what you did better and how it worked, go ahead!
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Dara, mom to my beautiful kids:
J- 8, diagnosed Aspergers and ADHD possible learning disability due to porcessing speed, born with a cleft lip and palate.
M- 5
M-, who would be 6 1/2, my forever angel baby
E- 1 year old!! !
01 Apr 2013, 3:01 pm
