Homeschooling Here I Come (I guess)

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We had a horrible day, yesterday. He was is just not cooperating and when they try to get him to cooperate he is getting physical. He even has choices about what to do when things are not going well, and he gets upset if the specific choice he wants is not specifically listed because he does not understand that he could pick something different.

I have no idea what his gotten into him. I don't know if it a result of all the flux this year (a long term sub in the middle of the year), his social issues (He wants to make friends and does not know how, and feels hurt and confused) or just that it is two months away from the end of the school year and he is antsy. His teacher is as accommodating as can be, so this is as good as it gets. The principal is fed up with him as has been for awhile. There is no way without this teacher who is trying for this to work next year. The principal has even suggested I home school him for the rest of this term.

Anyway, I am trying to figure out what to do for next term. Our state has a virtual school charter option version of k12 curriculum. I realize it has a pretty horrible reputation, but it would technically be a "real" degree if he got through it. It would have a free curriculum that I could always supplement, and it would probably save us some money, as I don't really have the money for too much. The other options would be to cobble together something myself or purchase another curriculum. If I purchase something else, I don't think I have to care if it aligns with the requirements of my state as long as I manage to supplement it myself with state history, so I could pick anything.

Any thoughts? I feel very sad, today.

I am sorry to hear that things are so tough for you guys. At the end of the school year last year, we were right there too. Not to discourage you from homeschooling as I know that is a very viable option that works well for a lot of people but I just want to say that there may be other things that the school can do. Has a Functional Behavior Assessment been done by a qualified individual or team? Have they developed a comprehensive Behavior Improvement Plan? Does he have an aide? Have they even tried to do any type of social autopsy after a particularly bad day?

I don't doubt that there are kids for whom the school environment is just not ever going to work, however I think there are a lot of schools that throw up their collective hands and say "There is nothing else we can do" when potentially effective strategies have not been attempted. If the above steps have not been tried, then the school is far from having exhausted the possibilities. We have now done all of the things I mentioned above and DS's experience in school this year has been a complete turn-around from last year.

If you do go for homeschooling, see if there is a charter available to you with a curriculum library. We briefly homeschooled, and the charter we went through had at least 3-4 options for every subject, all free. If you tried something and didn't like it, you just turned it back in and picked a different one. I've heard that K12 can be stressful if you get even a little behind.

Bombaloo,

He is in an inclusion class, but the school considers that since the aide attends almost exclusively to him, that an individual aide would not be necessary. The teacher is trying very hard to train her, but she is not equipped at all for his issues, and has done some really stupid things during this year (like requiring eye-contact, when my son is being chastised) so my son does not like her, no matter how much she tries to change things now. Asking for a different aide is a nonstarter, as I had hinted about that, but they are investing time into training her, so I am stuck. Also, if I continued with this school next year, she would be his aide again. I think that is a bad idea.

We have the BIP, and a FBA was done, too. I don't know what is going on with him, as he genuinely is being unreasonable. They are willing to let him play games and stuff (another issues) when he is not "ready to work," and he still does not behave. If they ask him to be more quiet, he freaks out. He has been taken to other rooms in the building. They have tried calming techniques and OT sanctioned exercises, and he just does not calm down. We have had a lot of disruption this year (a long term sub), and so I think he has been thrown out of whack. However, that has stabilized on their end, and so they think he should have stabilized also by now. He hasn't. He is not doing any work, and he is disrupting the work of others, which they are especially intolerant of at this time of year.

Also once I pull him out of school, my state does not require that speech or OT or social skills get done by the school district. So, I can forget about getting those services unless the K12 Virtual Academy people have something included for that, which I am trying to ascertain.

Zette, I do not think we have the option of a curriculum library. As far as I know, our state's only public (free) online charter program is a K12 Virtual Academy. It would not technically be homeschooling as it counts as public school at home, if that makes sense. A more flexible option would be to design or collect my own curriculum, which would not be accredited obviously and would involve him, eventually having to take a GED. (He is seven, now, so I know that is a long way off) I am concerned about college (assuming we handle his other issues) and what homeschooling would look like to colleges.

Unless he changes dramatically, I can expect him to not want to do any extracurricular clubs in our area. They are all either outdoorsy or a sport. If I could find something in the nearest city, say in computers or something, we would only be able to go once a week max, on the weekend.

I'm sure there is a homeschooling group in your area that could fill you in on what options are available. Worth researching at any rate. You can also stop by http://www.secularhomeschool.com/forum.php and ask. It's very likely someone there will be familiar with the options in your state.

Have you tried looking into 'edutainment' software, educational children's videos, educational toys, and schooling-based activities books? I was largely homeschooled, and those were largely how I was homeschooled: my parents would get things like the JumpStart or MathBlaster series, SchoolHouseRock videos, and books with schooling practice activities, and I'd often sit down and do them myself. When necessary, my parents would explain the concept behind things such as math (because a lot of the schooling things were based more on rote memorization than teaching the principles behind things), but pretty much all I'd need is a little explanation on how things worked and I practically taught myself how to read, add, subtract, multiply, divide, tell time, and all sorts of other things. I really liked playing with the toys, playing the games, and watching the videos, too, so I guess they were also a fairly good way to keep me occupied.

A lot of the software was bought new, but some we picked up from the local second-hand store. A lot of good educational stuff appears to turn up used, so it could be worth a look.

And whatever you decide on for his primary schooling, I think such products could at least be a good supplement to his education. =)

If you want to homeschool almost purely but are worried about social life, you could look into something that he could do once per week, at least until he's a little older. My family went to church and I went to church activities, and my mom figured that was enough for my younger years.

Another thing you could try looking into would be schools, public or otherwise, that use self-paced materials. I went to a self-paced private school when I was older and I'm currently in a self-paced tech school, and a love it.

Anyway, I hope this helps give some good ideas, at least.

Most colleges today do not have any requirement for a GED from homeschooled students, just so you aren't dreading that if you homeschool. The only one we've looked at that has been very hard on homeschool admittance is the Coast Guard Academy. The Air Force and Navy love homeschoolers. Not sure why the Coasties have a problem.

I have used many different curriculum choices and companies over the years--including select programs from Memoria Press--, but I am now moving to Memoria Press for their packaged curriculum (except elementary math, sticking to Singapore like I used with the big kids for the Sprout). They have a brick and mortar private school that has been running for a long time, and their home based stuff is an adaptation of their school based classes. In high school they do have options to enroll in classes as distance learning, though they are pretty high for that. Many of their classes have DVD's available which are recordings of the lectures teachers give. These are very reasonably priced and very handy.

MP has an amazing forum where the producers of the curriculum and the teachers from the school are available pretty much constantly to answer questions about the curriculum, about specific homework problems, general strategies, just anything. If they update their books, they will send the updated copies at no charge. They even have a forum dedicated to special needs students, as one of their administrators has two special needs children. They ask the parents on the forum what they want to see in the curriculum and adjust themselves based on it.

I don't normally promote a company like this, but the level of responsiveness they have in the forum still has me just amazed.

There is also a very nice free program called the Khan Academy that primarily teaches math, but is expanding out into other areas. It has the ability to log in and track progress, and trigger reviews of earlier math skills.

I've found that whenever we take a "break" from therapies, DS suffers.

A couple of thoughts - what age is your son? Sometimes these situations are due to a developmental jump by their peers: they suddenly realize they are significantly behind, it's really upsetting on multiple levels...but eventually they do get back to the level of delay they are more used to and calm down. In that case, if you can't see that anything out of the ordinary is going on, I'd go to the school and explain your situation and ask for extra pragmatics/social skills - and I'd also lower my own expectations temporarily at home. I have often seen this happen towards the end of the school year - for us, it was particularly notable in 3rd and 5th grades.

DS also transitions badly and oncoming summer vacation sometimes set him off..another "wait it out" situation. Sometimes, it's that the "honeymoon period" with his teacher is over, and he stops trying as hard to be "good." (he tends to have a long honeymoon!)

Another thought, if none of this applies, can you do half-day homeschooling? Someone else mentioned this a while back and some districts allow it. It would mean you'd get access to therapy and some socialization with peers, but less pressure (though it would be harder for you.)

At any rate, the first step is to tell the school what's going on and see if they have any thoughts. One year, it turned out it wasn't DS or his teachers but that he was being bullied by other kids.

Thank you for all of your help. The school is definitely aware of the problem. The principal has told me to homeschool, which I am sure they are not supposed to do, but it shows that is how little patience they have at this point for him. They are calling in a behavioral person, and I have no idea what will result from this, but right now he is not getting FAPE anyway because they keep pulling him out and/or sending him home. That said, it is hard for me to get at them because he is being that disruptive. They have indisputable points about him ruining other kids' learning, hitting people and trashing things. No one else but the teacher has any ability to calm him down, and they don't want her away from the class as long as it takes. I have even offered to come in everyday, and sit with him, but they do not want that.

He is 7, and, yes, Momsparky, some of this is a developmental gap issues. He, all of a sudden this term, decided he wanted to make friends, He has had zero social skills and he is too pushy, and the kids do not want to be his friend. He has had a six month sub, during which time, he was handled badly, and I think he is fed up and done.

He settled down for a little bit, but now he gets immediately antagonistic when he does not get his way, and appears to be intentionally pushing buttons to see what happens. I do not know if it is because of his new found interest in people and he wants to see what makes them tick; or his better understanding of emotions, and wanting to test cause and effect. I also agree about the honeymoon effect (I like that) wearing off.

We had another horrible day, yesterday, and I am hoping I do not get yet another call today.

*sigh*

Thank you all for your help.

Ugh. So sorry - yes, I remember 7-8-9 being particularly difficult for us - and some of it was that DS stopped trusting either us or the school because things had been mishandled (the bullying and the stupid social worker.) We did eventually build back his trust, but it took time and he was horrible in between because he couldn't think of anything else to do.

Don't let the district off the hook if they are asking you to homeschool: they should pay for his education if they can't successfully provide it - and if they can't provide FAPE, they are still on the hook for services. A friend of mine whose son finally had to go to a private program got the district to pay for tutoring hours and private therapy.

I think you need to go in there with an advocate and probably follow up with a lawyer. Sounds like the school is putting all of this on you and your son, and they are trying to get you to walk away so they don't have to make good on their responsibilities. Even if they are being understanding - it is not YOUR SON'S FAULT if he can't keep his hands to himself; he's simply not developmentally ready to do that on his own. The school is not allowed - by law - to throw up their hands and say "we don't know what to do, so why don't YOU fix it." They have to find a workable solution that keeps everyone safe and solves the problem - they have the power to call in specialists and increase his supports in the classroom.

We experienced something like this. I think many schools just hope that parents will roll over and go away on their own, and then they don't have to spend the money or do the work. A surprisingly large number of parents do, so it's an effective strategy for a school system - I think they were shocked when we fought for our son's rights.

It's a different issue if they come up with a solution you don't like, but them dumping the problem on your son and you is ridiculous.

Thanks, Momsparky,

I know the next thing they are going to try is putting him in the special ed room, due to his behavior. I think he will behave worse in there. I doubt the principal would have suggested homeschooling if anyone else was in the room. That happened when I told her that he is behaving fine (within certain parameters of course) at home. I am sure she meant it, but I doubt that is the district's official position. He has already come home with marks on him from them restraining him, when it should never ever have gotten to the point. So the problem becomes how much is too much to put him through so he can get what will amount to substandard babysitting and services when his behavior allows.

I may have to see if I can find an advocate that will offer a free consult or something, just to get a better idea of what my choices really are. I just hate putting him through all this. But yeah, I hate the notion of letting them off the hook.

I'm sure it isn't the school's official position - but it is the unofficial ways that they get to parents that makes this process work.

You should certainly fight the SPED room if it comes to that; if your son doesn't need it, he doesn't. It's just a cheaper option for them than an aide and a good behavioral plan, which might actually help resolve this situation.

Autism Speaks has state-by-state listings of resources, sometimes you can find advocates there. Otherwise, faith-based institutions sometimes offer them. At this point, it doesn't matter where you go for help, but I'd strongly suggest bringing some help with you.

I was afraid we were headed for the spec ed room too and I knew that would not work for DS. Getting an advocate involved turned our whole situation around. Our state has a non-profit organization that has as one of its main goals providing support for families with special needs kids in the public education system. I didn't pay a dime for the advocate who worked with us though if I could I would have paid her a million bucks because she made a huge difference in our lives. My understanding is that every state receives federal money for this purpose though I am sure that in more highly populated areas, there may be a much greater demand making it more difficult for you to access free help. It may be worth a look as momsparky said.

Whatever you end up doing, know that you are doing the best you can and don't beat yourself up. You are in a situation that would bring most people to their knees or worse if they got dropped into it. I cry sometimes because I find myself second guessing every damn decision that I have made and cursing every new decision that I have to make. Know that you are not alone!

We homeschool and love it. There are many homeschool groups and tons of activities to keep the kids out and with peers. My son has friends, he is happy and learning and has fun. I KNOW if he were in a school, that wouldn't be the case at all.

It can be overwhelming at first, but you will love it! Get books from the library, look up local homeschool groups and jump right in!

I just wanted to add that my son (age 12 6th grade) began having similar problems at the beginning of 5th grade when we changed to a new school with a MS type class change/lockers expectations. The only option they gave me after 2 months of daily meltdowns and constant class disruptions was the special education room. Specifically, he was to be place in the BAU (Behavioral Adjustment Unit) under the label "Emotionally Disturbed." At first I was devastated and livid. His behaviors were related to anxiety, rigidity, pragmatic difficulties, poor executive functioning, and developmental delays.

We decided to give it a try. Luckily for us, it was primarily him, the teacher and the aide for most of the day, while the other BAU students came in and out for various classes. The goal of our school district is to teach coping skills, behavioral and emotional regulation, provide a safe base, and get them transitioned back into mainstream. It took the rest of 5th grade and most of 6th grade, but now he is fully mainstreamed and functioning better than ever before (even in the regular classroom in elementary). He still goes to the BAU room at the beginning and end of the day and for social skills class. He has only had 3 or 4 total meltdown days where he had to stay in the BAU room the whole day and was unable to calm down and stay calm, rarely cries anymore, is not aggressive, and uses the BAU room as a cool down place where he can talk to the teacher, find a solution, calm down, and return to his classes. This never used to happen.

I worried that he would learn bad behaviors from the other children. Instead (since he is so rule-bound) he was able to see the other kids and finally made the connection "Do I look like that when I...?" The support has allowed him to catch up with the other children somewhat and he is now able to do what he was not able to do in the 5th grade, and feels confident and proud.

I am not saying this is the best environment for most kids with AS, but it ended up working well with us.

This kid needs a vacation, IMHO. Poor guy.

If you homeschool temporarily, find out how you would put him back in school. What would you have to go through to get the services you need. Maybe you should pull him out while you research what he really needs and how to get it from the school.

Don't do the charter. I would get him out and let him play for 2 weeks, going to library and a field trip now and then. Then try something like Time4learning. It's rather cheap and all on computer. I wouldn't do this forever, but a good stop-gap and kids like it. It will keep him glued to the computer, giving you time to do your research.