Found adult male clothes in my pre-schooler's backpack

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Hi

For those of you who don't know my son (age 5) is barely verbal and attends a special needs preschool.

Today when he came home we found three size XXL sweatshirts crammed into my son's backpack. They are for an adult man and are not washed.

As you can imagine we are a little freaked out by this. It's creepy and gross. I suppose this is some sort of mistake, but why were these even at the school and how did they end up in my son's bag?

I took a photo of the clothing and sent it to my son's teachers (including the school principal) demanding and explanation. I have not heard back yet but I don't know how often the teachers will check email after hours.

Is there anything special you guys would recommend? Complaint to the board of education maybe?

We are already in a war with the school about services...

Any advice appreciated, thanks.

You ought to go to the school in person.

I would wait until Monday and call the teacher. It could be anything and I'm sure there's a simple explanation for it. Maybe they are something she brought for messy crafts or possibly they are hers that she wears at the gym and she simply had her laundry in a bag by her desk. I would wonder who put them in there and how much supervision the kids are getting if something like that wasn't noticed. I would definitely address that with the teacher. I wouldn't so much worry about the sweatshirts as about how that happened unnoticed.

I'd wait before taking it to the board until you find out what happened and that way youll know what exactly it is that you are complaining about, whether it's lack of supervision or the teacher bringing a bunch of dirty laundry to school or exactly what happened.

Thanks, I hope I don't have to wait as next week is school vacation!

I don't think they belong to the teacher (they are waaay too big) but the only exploitation I can think of is that an aide put the clothes in my son's bag by accident...

Is it possible that might have found them somewhere and put them in his backpack?

I'd be tempted to have a doctor check him out just in case.

If there is any molestation going on, those might be evidence. And it might help set your mind at ease.

Hi, I'm not a parent, but I do live my life on the Spectrum. And I can remember, on both my behalf and my younger sister's, my parents fighting the school on a number of occasions, sometimes effectively, and sometimes not.

It's probably good that you sent photos to both your son's teachers snd the principal. Would it work to maintain the fiction that the (main) teacher is doing a good job but not receiving the administrative support she needs?

And child safety is so serious, it seems like you could just be very matter-of-fact and straightforward, and they'll pick up on it in an instant, like a snap of the fingers. Maybe something like, All children are vulnerable, but kids on the spectrum, even more so.

That's what I was wondering. I used to cart all kinds of stuff home that I came across when I was little. I even stole items without realizing I was stealing back when I was really little. Some of it was pretty gross, like a ratty old hat I found once.

Got a reply from the teacher, apparently they found the clothes in my son's cubby and though I'd sent them in by mistake? Um, no. They said they will investigate further after the spring vacation...

It's good that they responded, and also good that you know how they got home. Odd clothes in a cubby strikes me as less scary than odd clothes in the backpack - at least, I can think of explanations for the stuff in a cubby that are benign (janitorial staff cleaning the school just set some stuff aside there or near there and forgot about it, somebody picked up the pile of stuff and put it in the cubby thinking it had fallen out.)

However, I think insisting on an explanation and getting one that satisfies you is important. Did your son react to the clothes at all?

What's a cubby?

Schools for young kids have furniture fixed securely to the wall that is kind of like low child-height shelving. In order to have enough shelving for all the children where their stuff does not get all mixed up the "shelves" are divided vertically into squares. Each child has a square with his or her stuff in it. (coats, lunch boxes, etc.) It serves the purpose of a locker, except for younger children, and it is open, with usually no doors. Some places will have drawers or little basket things that go in them, but when I went to school, they were just wooden squares.

Like this:

http://www.amazon.com/Young-Time-7140Y- ... k_hg_fd__2

Anyway, I am glad they got back to you before break. I do not know what to make of how this ended up in you child's cubby. Have you noticed any unusual behavior issues? Does your child seem out of sorts?

When I went to school, we had to bring in smocks for art. Maybe some of the kids have huge old sweatshirts sent in by their parents, and some rocket scientist decided to wedge them into your kid's cubby?

My initial response might be to panic just a bit.

However, once I sat down and really thought about it, I would probably just be annoyed that something that is not my child's was put into his/her backpack without an explanation.

Part of the reason is that I cannot see any direct link between sexual abuse and sweatshirts in a backpack. How, exactly, would it happen? Not to mention, predators are often a lot more cunning than to do something so blatant as to stuff their clothing into a kid's backpack. That is why so many predators get away with it for so long.

Another part of the reason is that it seems just plain...I don't know...lazy? on the part of the school staff. When THEY saw adult sweatshirts in his cubby, you'd think the first thing they'd want to do is figure out where they came from. I know I'd want to know why a 5 year old has adult clothes in his cubby and I would assume first that they were someone else's and go about trying to find out WHO'S, so that I could return them. My first response would not be to shove them into the backpack. Call you or email you and ask if you were missing some sweatshirts? Yes. Make the assumption they belonged in your home? No.

FWIW, my son has come home with loads of things that are not his. What I think is different here is that my son puts other people's stuff in his backpack by accident because he is not attentive and just grabs everything nearby and shoves it in. But I doubt that Wreck-Gar's 5 year old packed his own backpack. Some grown-up who should have been thinking a little more proactively did it. From the owner of the sweatshirt's perspective, there is a chance they would never see their sweatshirt again. I can imagine that some parents might not even return it. I know my kids have lost stuff that I bet ended up in someone else's belongings by accident. It's annoying.

My guess is that someone in the class brought their dad's extra shirts for arts/crafts and the teacher put it into the wrong back pack. She may have forgotten why it was brought to school in the first place. It's pretty common for children to bring a large shirt to school for this. Some child may have shuffled it onto your son's cubby hook even. I wouldn't worry about it. Sounds harmless.

Yes, this is what the school said, that other kids sometimes bring in old adult clothing to use as smocks.

But like someone above said it's just plain lazy to just send it home with my son without asking/emailing.

The school packs my son's bag, he doesn't do it. He would not put anything into the bag. Unfortunately he is on the more severe end of the spectrum and has not yet developed this skill - so he also would have no reaction to the shirts. The main reason we were so concerned is because my son cannot speak for himself or explain what happened during the school day.

In my son's school it's what they call little cubicles where they do ABA.

Lazy? Sounds a bit harsh. We all have our"oops" moments because things "just" happen sometimes. If your child is on the lower end of the spectrum then I can assume his worker had other things to prioritize, over a couple of men's shirts.