Why my son is awesome

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My son has hit a bit of a rough patch. I have contemplated starting a couple of threads to share what has happened because sometimes it helps me to know that I am not alone. This stuff is hard.

Instead, I want to share some things I really love about my him. And I want you to do the same in return. I feel like instead of belaboring the hard parts, maybe I need to focus on the good ones.

My son is the kindest, most forgiving person I think I have ever known. No matter how mean someone is to him, he is always willing to allow them to start over and try again if they want to. So many people these days seem to hold grudges that last forever. When I picked my son up from after school the other day, he was playing (I know, not the right word for an 11 year old) with a boy who teased him and really hurt him last year. They were both laughing and having such a good time. When I asked him about it, he said "we both just realized that neither of us was as bad as the other one thought."

I also adore that he simply adores his sister. When his friend comes over to "hang out," he insists that she is included. Not because he has to. But because he really enjoys her company and would never want her to feel left out.

For all of the issues that we have to face because of his disabilities, he is really an easy kid. He is generally even tempered, honest, and willing to obey rules. It is excessively rare for him to intentionally do something wrong or break a rule.

So, those are some of mine. What are some of yours?

I am glad to hear about your son. All of us have a mixture of good and neutral and bad traits.

One of the things I admire about my son is he almost always thinks of his sister. Like, if he gets a piece of candy at the store even with his own money, he always gets his sister something too. He's even getting better at choosing something she would like. That's one of the things that bugs me about comments on lacking empathy. He may struggle with theory of mind, but he has a strong sense of fairness, always thinking of other, sensitivity to people and animals being hurt, and a loving heart. Saying someone lacks empathy makes them seem cold. Which he is definitely not.

Ah yes the empathy thing

I always wonder if maybe some of the parents complaining about never getting any affection from their ASDchild are simply looking in the wrong direction, that is, only to the gestures they would consider (NT) affection.

Yes, when I ask my daughter for a hug she'll usually say no. It really has to be on her terms. However, she'll almost always offer me an alternative which I can totally interpret as "this would help me most at this point, here, have some for yourself": she'll go and find me one of her stuffed animals. Not just any either: she gets me the one that is the 'spare' for her own favourite, so really as close as she can get to what she considers 'the proper snuggle experience' without having to give up her own comfort

I think it's totally awesome that she's able to find solutions like that when she feels unable to comply with my request.

When DS is living life on his terms (he's at home with his dad, his lego/drawing/game playing is going the way he would like) then he is the kindest, calmest, loveliest boy you could ever hope to meet. Once real life starts to get in the way - school, socialising, concentrating, sitting still, sensory input etc etc etc then it all goes a little pear shaped. There is almost nothing he won't do for his baby (little sister) and he is very protective of her. He hugs me and tells me he loves me at least 10 times a day (I think this could be to do with anxiety but I know he means it with his whole heart).

Most of the time I very much appreciate that sense of fairness, although sometimes what is "fair" stacks up in his mind a little off, in my opinion, and then it gets ... interesting.

He is really a loving child. Almost 16 and still happy to hug his mother and, yes, sometimes do something simply because I tell him it will make me happy if he does it (he won't pretend to like what he doesn't like, of course, but he won't whine, either).

I don't worry that much about him. I know he has decided that drugs and alcohol are stupid, and that hormones make kids his age do things that are "nuts," so he's put himself into this little social box that is very safe. Part of me misses sharing vicariously all the normal teen experiences like dating and prom, but the other part of me knows I have it easy. This is a child who knows what he can't handle, and stays away from it.

He's smart, creative and funny, too.

All your children sound wonderful.
I think putting focus on the positive is a great thing to do, I don't do it enough...

My eldest is a very lovely boy. He is my first and I adore him. He has the most contagious smile, truly he can make the whole world smile with him when he is happy. He is not sneaky, at all. He will go to the pantry and get the biscuits and bring them to me, if I say no to him, he will be upset and take them back. He will keep trying though, if I keep saying no, he will keep taking them back. It doesn't cross his mind to sneak one, or not ask. He is almost pure in a way. He is persistent and he is resilient. Of everyone I know, no one has more struggle in life than him... But he keeps going, and smiling. He is a teacher.

My little guy is funny and loving. His view of the world is so interesting. He is playful and so entertaining. He loves me very much and I love him. He has seemingly limitless energy and goes through life with his volume on 11. He is different and doesn't follow just to be part of the group, he makes his own decisions. He wears headbands, glitter and fairy skirts and doesn't give a damn that other boys usually don't do that... He is himself.

My other three NT children have many great things about them too. I feel very lucky to be their mum. I've had some health problems lately, there is nothing like that to make you appreciate all the goodness there is in life, and for me... Right under my nose.

Thanks, everyone, for sharing. It always puts a smile on my face.

Today I will share something good about my daughter. Her school has 2 "athletic" events each year. One is a dance where they show the parents the dances they learned in PE and the other is a "field day" kind of day where they do different races and whatnot. One thing I love about my daughter is how absorbed she can get in the moment. She rarely flaps or stims anymore, but today when her team was competing she got so flappy and excited. In a very good way. She looks so cute when she hops in place and flaps because she can no longer contain her own happiness! I also loved that when it was her turn to run, she always smiled as she ran. She has really big eyes, and long, bouncy curls. So when she runs with a smile on her face she always reminds me of a field nymph or fairy. She looks so innocent and free. Happiness is a very physical state of being for her. It is beautiful to watch.

My son is so sweet to his baby brother right now. All he wants to do is hold him, hug and kiss him. (don't ask me how he is with his 4yo sister...lol). He is so sweet and loving, and ALWAYS hugs people. He has such curiosity about things. He was reading about frogs as one of his school work assignments, and got really interested, did internet research and wants to learn all about different frogs. He is just like that. He wants to know it all and I think that kind of curiosity is not common anymore with kids these days. My son is a super hard worker. things don't come easy for him, but he tries extra hard to achieve his goals and he almost always will find a way.

Thanks for putting this thread out there. Things have been super hard for me lately with my son, but its always good to look at the positive and remember there is SOOOO much more to our kids then just the issues.