A Peculiar Day

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My son has been having such a rough week and a half. I'm really not sure what's happening but I suspect he is eating something he's sensitive to.

Today was difficult and it's only 5pm. He had a good day yesterday and a good morning this morning, up until I left for work. I received a voicemail saying he "broke his chin" .. he was bawling. Of course, he called me again, bawling.. and I asked him what happened:

"Did you fall or bump yourself?"
"No."
"Then how did you break your chin?"
"I don't know. It hurts.. there's a bump on my chin!" [bawling]

If he fell, I would've gone back home. But because he didn't know and there was some mysterious "bump" I didn't want to risk this new behaviour from happening again (trust me). So I told him to head off to school and have a staff (teacher, support worker) take a look at it. He yelled for me to come home and hung up the phone. Called again and hung up again.

I called his school, explained what was happening and that if he didn't show, to have his support worker visit the house (it's part of our safety plan). The school was supportive, I called my son and explained to him the plan, he threw the phone (which didn't disconnect), set the house security alarm and locked the door. I then hung up the phone. Called the school and let them know he was on his way.

Ten minutes later, he called me from my neighbour's house - very unusual for him to do this. I asked him why he was calling from THERE and he said, "The phone is broken." I told him it was still working because I heard him set the alarm and lock up. I asked to speak with my friendly neighbour and he said there was no sign of injury. In fact, he seemed surprised when I mentioned about the broken chin. I asked him to send him off to school.

I called the school again, explained the situation (again) and asked if his support worker could contact me as soon as he arrived. I waited and waited and just by odd luck, I missed the phone call!! I received a message saying he had arrived. He appeared calm and they didn't notice anything wrong with his chin. Maybe he has a rotted tooth? He visits the dentist every 3 months.

I decided to head to his school (which is only 15 min away, walking distance). I speak with both his support worker and my son - checked his chin, his mouth - no evidence of anything. The support worker said he told HER he fell and bumped his chin. I questioned him why he told me otherwise and he responded with, "Well I fell a week ago and forgot to tell you." Nothing adds up but clearly, he's being dishonest. I sent him back to class. I spoke with both his support worker and teacher and we made a few guesses and back to work I went.

On my break, I decided to check on my security log to see what the activity looked like in terms of locking up the house. I noticed that the alarm was activated - 8 minutes after I left the house. I always set the alarm for "stay" when he's home alone, in case someone tries to break in and he's by himself. I left at exactly 8:01am (it's written in the log). For some reason, my son decided to open one of our windows. It's REALLY unusual for him to be doing this - unless, of course, he burnt his eggs and needed to air out the kitchen? I have yet to ask. Then, 45 minutes later, he set off the alarm again. Apparently, when I heard him set the alarm and lock the door - and when I hung up the working phone - he re-entered the house. Did he forget something? Again, haven't asked him yet. Then he went to my neighbour's house - returned at 10 minutes later - broke the phone - and then was driven to school. NONE of this was mentioned when I showed up at his school. I know this because I was given a ride home to double check on my house to make sure everything was fine - which was when I found the NON-FUNCTIONAL phone. It almost seems as if he cut the wiring connecting to the battery. It almost seems as if he's trying to create a false evidence.

I've been so upset all day! I spent over an hour trying to sort this out - plus both coffee/lunch breaks with the security company - plus all the emotional stuff.

THEN, after school, he calls me from school to ask me if he can attend a track meet at a nearby high school. I didn't give him permission because my after school plan was to sit him down and have a heart-to-heart talk about all this. He defiantly said, "Too bad! I'm going." and hung up the phone AGAIN. By the time I got home (30 min later) he was already home (didn't go to the track meet).

Right now, I'm sitting in my basement bedroom with a beer and iPad - writing my story. I've got music plugging my ears and I have yet to say a single word to him. I am so fed up with how he's been behaving lately - not to mention, the lovely note I wrote him this morning - offering lots of love and support. Was it worth it? DId it make a dent? No.

I don't know if he was worried about going to school because of his homework issues lately (I won't get into that) but it seems so OVER THE TOP, even for him. I know I should be talking with him about today's events but I just don't want to be hear him. I don't want to get into a discussion right now.

This is more of a vent. If you want to add any words of advice .. please. He's 12 and yes, hormones has already been suggested. Truth is, if this is what hormones looks like, I don't know if I'll be able to raise him for the next 5 years. Not because of today but because of his outbursts this week.

Last edited by ASDsmom on 08 May 2013, 7:22 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Just sending you some virtual support.

My son has been weird the past week or so, too. Maybe it is the change of seasons? He called me yesterday from school to tell me he felt like he had to vomit, but when I spoke to the school nurse, she reassured me that she felt he was fine and that she suspected he was just trying to get away from the stress of school (he is a frequent flier at the nurse's office, which she said is common in a subgroup of the 6th grade population). Then today he called me from after school. I missed the call and when I called back he said he called to tell me he could not walk right because he had a limp from some kind of mishap earlier that day. His after school counselor got on the phone and told me that he was running around in the gym like a madman before I called and only started to limp when he was told that I was on the phone.

Granted, this does not seem as serious as what's happening with your son. I don't mean to minimize your experience at all. I'm trying to display empathy because I know how hard it is when you know something is going on, but you don't know what. Plus, with my son I never know if he is being deliberately dishonest or if he is really caught up in what's going on and just making poor choices.

My son is not a very good liar - but he tries!! He will look me in the eye and swear he didn't eat anything "illegal" and when I ask him to empty his pockets, I find wrappers. Telling me in front of his support worker that he "forgot" to tell me he fell "last week" and had such a delay pain reaction .. is ridiculous but not necessarily unusual.

What gets me is that he's been doing really well this year - in terms of behaviour. Yes, he has his moments - we still have the odd meltdown, but since last week, this has been happening almost daily! Not to mention, he's soiling his underwear regularly .. all of a sudden.

It makes me worry something more serious is happening and he doesn't want to talk about it. Maybe it's the food. Maybe it's the hormones. Maybe it's the high school jitters (next year) .. who knows????

Your story sounds familiar .. having a beer? lol

Our situation is different, but my son does have anxiety tummy aches when things upset him at school. I would not be surprised if something is going on that your son is not telling you. I don't have advice for how to get the older ones to open up, as I have enough trouble with my 7 yr old. He doesn't tell me things unless he is in complaining mode or perseveration mode, and then it is disjointed and he omits important details. I would try to focus on getting your child to explain why he is doing these things.

As it turns out, his 12 year molars are coming out. There's discomfort where the molar is ripping through the gums and the "bump" is the layer of gum overlapping his tooth. He must have ripped it a bit while eating breakfast and wasn't able to articulate properly what was going on.

Having said that, breaking a phone because I didn't "run" home is not ok either.

Maybe he's seeking attention? Sometimes even when kids are getting lots of attention they need more. Maybe this was one of those times and he just didn't know how to tell you about it. He may not have known it himself that what he needed was attention, it sounds like he was wanting that from you this morning. I would try giving him more one on one time and attention for a little while and see if things improve. If they do, maybe talk to him and tell him that it's ok to want more time together and all he has to do is ask if he thinks that spending time with you would make him feel better. If things don't improve then that's not what it was.

Breaking the phone isn't OK by I can kinda sympathize with him. He's in pain in a way that he may not understand. I mean how many kids would think "oh yeah I'm getting my 12 yr molars"? In addition he is frustrated because he doesn't know how to communicate his discomfort to you. Maybe you guys could come up with some low key way for him to do "community service" to make up for breaking the phone.

Well, he's broken the phone before - 2 others, in fact. His consequence is not having a phone at all. My wife and I have a cel phone and it's him who uses the phone anyway. He'll have to deal with that himself. He paid for the last two phones and it hasn't changed the behaviour.. so lets not have one for a while. Over-using the phone was a problem anyway so this might curb his habit .. "might" being the key word, here.

I have broken so many phones it's unreal. If I'm on the phone and get that furious, I absolutely cannot stop myself from throwing it or slamming it down. I know when I'm doing it that I shouldn't but I do it anyway. I just cannot help it, it seems. It's either that or put my fist through a wall and that hurts a lot worse. It's really hard not to take out anger on the phone when you get mad while you're on it. At the time it seems like it's a good idea, but it's not. Not at all.

^^ Well thanks for your honesty

I opened a new thread but maybe I'll ask here too:
Is there a relationship between 12-year molars and aggressive behaviour?

I can totally understand that it would cause difficult behavior. When babies are teething they often display challenging behavior it just is not "aggressive" be cause they have little bodies and all they can really do is cry. Teeth growing in can be painful. Your son may not have understood why he was in pain and he has the added frustration of not being able to communicate his feelings to you. I'd say that's a perfect recipie for some challenging behavior.

I can understand the pain he went through on Wednesday morning. But the behaviours have been happening for 2 weeks now. He doesn't appear to be in pain, nor has he mentioned anything more about it - apart from Wednesday..?

This is exactly the sort of thing my son would do if he were confused and didn't have good answers. DS got hit by a ball today - from what I gather after part II of questioning, he was standing under the backboard of the basketball hoop. First round of questions gave me a roundabout story that a kid had called his name and deliberately hit him in the face when he turned to look, and the gym teacher had called him a "moron."

Sad truth is, even though I recognized answer I as hyperbole and stuck around for more, I'm not 100% satisfied with answer II, either. I am guessing it is the truth as he saw it, but - I am going to wait and see about it, but I bet it is some kind of hybrid of not realizing he's being a target for balls because he isn't aware of where he's standing, and also that the other kids have noticed he's an easy target. Grr. I will be keeping an eye out for bruises a bit more carefully (he did have a small bruise on his nose.)

Like I said, sometimes just waiting helps the truth come out in a way that makes sense.

Have you given him Tylenol or anything like that for the pain? I don't specifically remember those teeth hurting so much but I remember the long-lasting achy feeling from having braces. I imagine that he might be feeling something similar.

What was the second answer?

He doesn't seem to be in pain at all (except his stomach now). I don't think he needs Tylenol .. just a better attitude.

Second answer was he was standing under the backboard and a basketball hit him. Which is likely true. However, I have to wonder whether the kids playing basketball didn't notice that anyone was standing under the backboard...and if that question has anything to do with the long crazy story or not.

Lots of possible options. It is very hard (having been that kid) to be the kid who always is standing in the wrong place because you're trying to be by yourself, but you don't realize there's another, important, reason that space is empty.

It's doubly hard when other kids decide to "punish" you for not understanding why you shouldn't be where you are. Triply when it's possible that the kids just didn't expect you to be there.