Disturbed

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A teacher approached me to say that a parent had informed her of a situation regarding my son. Apparently, a boy my son knew once (in high school now) is telling people (their age) that my son is a weirdo and not to be his friend - that he likes to touch little kids .. wtf??? I'm very upset by this. An investigation has taken flight and I am going to get to the bottom of this. This is a boy I thought was a friend (once upon a time) who is socially akward himself.

Very upsetting..

Wow.

That would be very upsetting.

While there is not enough information available yet to know what might be going on, do you think it is possible that this is a very inappropriate attempt by this kid to gain some social status? Sometimes I think kids in that situation do not think things through very well and only see their behavior in terms of how it might help them, personally. Maybe he doesn't really realize the effect it will have on your son?

I hope you can find something out that will help you get this resolved. That is an awful situation to be in.

I think this happens often to aspies, where they get labeled as weirdos or worse. Almost lost a good friend of mine over something similar. My guess is people are not comfortable around someone with anxiety and it brings out their insecurities..

So sorry to hear this ...

I wish I had some idea on what to do. I do not. At this time, anyway ... I'll think about it.

ASDsmom, I am sorry. I would not be surprised if he is just being targeted by the other kid, as was previously stated.

Our kids are such targets. It is one of the things bothering me about keeping my son in a school environment. Anyone can say anything.

Does your son know about the accusation? If so, how is he handling it?

I am so sorry to read this. I hope the investigation gets facts that make sense, and helps you sort this out.

I am so angry to hear this. If this was my son, I would want an investigation of this accusation and once he comes out proven innocent, I would turn around and sue the accuser for defamation of character. In some jurisdictions, (such as Louisiana), defamation of character is also a criminal offense and I would press charges in a heart beat, if this is the case in your state / country, too.

I would do EVERY.SINGLE.THING in my power to make an example of this monster that tried to hurt my kid. No one touches a hair on my child's head and gets away with it.

Thank you for all of your support.

A teacher was able to question this parent further and from what she said, this boy went up to her and "warned" her about my son because "he's a pervert" and "pulled [her son's] pants down". He knows this mom because he, too, spends time with her son (who is probably in grade 2-3) and was amongst other peers in the library. My son knows this little boy through daycare and says he sometimes lets him play with him on his computer minutes - mom is always present. I was told by this teacher there's either suspicion this "bully" has Aspergers or he's been diagnosed with it. Apparently he swears a lot and says things like, "I wish you were dead!" to people. Another witness (on a different occassion) said this boy was causing such a scene at the library one day, swearing, flipping his middle fingers, etc - that a librarian had to talk with him for being "noisey".

I'm going to be contacting his school and getting to the bottom of this. It doesn't sound like he's targetting my son, per say, but is definitely acting HIGHLY inappropriate and on a potentially regular basis.

I explained this to my son to have him be aware - I don't want him initiating anything more (friendship) with this kid and I wanted him to understand why. It also gave me an opportunity to talk with him about privacy, sexual curiosities and the LAW. Let children be protected and "be" children.

At the end of the day, it's a good process to go through to prepare us for the next. I told him that there's a problem at hand and we need to be careful in how we manage it.

Your answer creeped me out. The accuser spends a lot of time with a little boy, and he accuses YOUR son of touching a child inappropriately ? He doth protest too much. Cheaters usually accuse their spouses of cheating. It may be that he is acting improperly with the little kid he is spending time with, but is accusing someone else of a sexual crime, as a sort of (miscalculated) defensive action?

I would definitely want an investigation AND I would warn the school about having the accuser investigated, too.

My sister mentioned that as well. I don't know how much time they spend together and if it's only at the public library as well. I doubt mom has them over at each other's place because there's quite an age gap (grade 2/3 vs grade 8 ). Also, this was my son's statement and I don't know how he would know what they do outside of school. But ya, worrisome. I've forwarded this info along too.

I also told my son that because I work within my community, there are a lot of people I know (through my job) that know him. I reminded him to be respectful at all times because I often hear people comment on how they "saw us at Starbucks" or "I saw you walking with your son last night" etc.. Kind of "freaked" him out a bit but... if he behaves, he should be fine I've got eyes EVERYWHERE!

Scary stuff - I'm so sorry. It's good that you are being proactive and that you are having people watch carefully.

That sounds like a hot mess. If I am understanding it, there is a younger boy that both your son and the bully both interact with, and the bully (not the little boy) has instigated an accusation? That is messed up.

I think, as you said, advising your son to stay away from little kids right now and telling him to mind his Ps and Qs is a good path.

I would not be surprised if this bully boy ends up tripping himself up and discrediting himself. He sounds like he has really big issues.

I am sorry.

Yes, sounds like the bully kid has a lot of issues. He should be looked at by a professional.

Yep. Sad, huh?

Well, I didn't advise him to stay away from little kids because I have no need to. My son is very sweet with little kids and they look up to him. He's actually more connected with the little ones than he is with the older ones. At school I made it a point to have him interact with his peers only because I wanted him to learn how to interact at a more socially advanced way. In terms of maturity and communication style, it's easier for him to interact with the younger ones. Having said that, he plays on a "big brother" role with them and they like him. [/quote]

I have notified the high school. The principal is awesome. He has already forwarded the information to multiple sources who will help. I also contacted the librarian who LOVES my son and will keep an extra eye on him. SHe will pass on the info to her fellow workers, too.

At the end of the day, what this has done is put my son on a radar.. with the most important people who can help.

Ah, sorry, I misunderstood. I did not mean to say I thought your son was a danger to anyone, just that if an investigation was brewing that he might want to lay low. If everyone gets that it was not your son's fault, then no need, as you say. My son does better with younger kids, too.

Hopefully the bully will now be the one scrutinized.

The boy was spoken to today. He was told his behaviour is not tolerated - within the school or the community. The vice-principal also explained what he could do (appropriately) when he witnesses someone pulling a kid's pants down. That was it. Um, I'm glad he was given an educational lesson .. but my son DID NOT pull anyone's pants down. It was not mentioned (in my voice mail) whether or not the parents were notified. It doesn't sound like it. I've been trying to get a hold of this vice-principal all afternoon with no success.