Step mom with questions

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Let's see, how do I start? I married a man who has children with his exwife and she also has an older son (C) that has been diagnosed with aspergers that my husband helped raise for a time. I have all the kids everyday of the week and I have so many questions! C is 12 years old and does not know that he has aspergers. Is it better for the child to know or not to know? How did parents of children with aspergers handle this situation? His mother and I get along and talk and she has compared aspergers with ADD, which I don't quite understand. I have read books on aspergers and tried to find a support group in my area, but was unsuccessful.
I have been part of this family for almost 4 years, and while I feel able to naturally "parent" my husband's children, I still feel like I don't have a right to "parent" C. I've tried everything I can think of... I've tried to be supportive of him and affectionate and he is responsive to this but not to the rules we've established. We don't allow TV on often and there's no junk food in the house. The little ones get upset when C doesn't want to stay at our house because of what we're having for dinner or because we set a bedtime. Should I change the rules for C or stand firm? Please let me know if you have any suggestions. Thanks!

Tell him what asperger's is! He is certianly old enough now to understand and he must feel he is a freak all the time. Telling him what it was will provide some clarity on the issues he goes threw in every day life and why he is so much different then the typical NT classmate.

What area are you in maybe I could help on that front, I know in my small area in Iowa there are several support groups (4 or 5 within 70 miles of here for parents alone).

I would think about changing the rules... aspies like computer like TV and like other stuff. While it doesn't sound like you are having that big of a problem it still is an issue. With that being said watch what he plays/watches and make sure he still goes outside and does homework and all of that. Basically allow him more TV (and computer) as long as it doesn't get in the way of other things. Just my $.02

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i think C needs to know that he has aspergers~but his dad or mom should be the one's to discuss this with him....seems they've put off telling him, but he really should know by now.
as far as the rules in your house go, i think he needs to understand that the rules are the rules. it's your home, and you have the right to set the rules. he is a visitor in your home, and needs to understand that visitors do not have the right to set rules....now, having said that, he's 12 and most 12 year olds LOVE the tv& computer. perhaps a modified set of rules for him would be in order~perhaps you could tell him that because of his "age & level of maturity" he could earn more computer and tv time by following the other rules of the house.