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I know I have been relatively quiet, for me, but the year is almost over, and I have been distracted. The district is scrambling to get the ARD together. I have the FBA/BIP and it is not pretty. It is exactly the kind of check off the box thing that the wise people on here told me was not a real FBA. Unfortunately, I checked with experts around these parts and I have no right to require anything better. In any event I do not trust them with my son, at this point.

The whole FBA/BIP is a CYA document, that outlines how they intend to bring the hammer down. I do not agree with the incentives they say work, and I do not agree with what they say does not work.

I know some of you may be disappointed that I am going to give up. I can see the road as they lay it out, and it is not one I want to travel. They think it is a noncompliance issue (it is in part, but it is because he is stressed) and I think it is a stress issue at root, and we are not going to agree. They have nothing in between mainstream (with an untrained and only occasional room aide he does not trust) and being in the room where they do not learn anything. He won't behave in either place.

I am going to go to the ARD and argue about the motivators, and ask a few questions, just in case my plans fall through, but I fully expect to be homeschooling next fall. I will withdraw him when I am 100% sure. It looks like what we need to do. I am just going to hope they don't give me a hard time about that, once I do it.

The last couple of weeks have been better, so it looks like we will go out on a high note. I am going to cross my fingers. I wanted to thank everyone, in particular Bombaloo, and Momsparky, for all the guidance and moral support.

Hang in there. I am sure whatever decision you make will be the right one. Hugs!

If there is any way you can keep from letting this school off the hook entirely, though, do it - ask for tutoring hours, go to the papers, whatever. One of the things I am making sure of is to find and counsel the parents who are coming up through the system, so they at least know what I learned.

Just wanted to say that your son will be so much better off that you figured it out so early on. For those who have had successful placements, that's great. BUT, for those of us who have had poor placements, theyre literally traumatizing to all involved.

I pulled my son from school at the end of fifth grade. I wish I'd done it in Kindergarten, when I saw he just didn't fit with the other kiddos. While I don't think HSing has been as rich academically as I would like, we do the best we can and it's not traumatizing anyone.

We do use a public school charter, so they give him 2 hours of special education per week, and speech. More importantly, they keep us legal.

Good luck - you can always go back to public school, but you can't always erase the mistakes of leaving him there too long, that can last a loooong time.

Can I please ask what all those acronyms mean?

FBA/BIP
Functional Behavioral Analysis/behavior intervention plan

ARD
Admission, Review, and Dismissal (it's what they call an IEP in Texas)

CYA
Cover Your Ass
It's the #1 goal of institutional functionaries everywhere: "Never mind the job description, priority numero uno is CYA."

Sorry, mikassyna:

FBA=Functional behavioral Analysis (It is supposed to be an analysis of problematic behaviors, what causes them, and what works to deal with them.
BIP=Behavioral Intervention Plan: A plan to deal with said data and develop a plan of action to help fix them, with goals and behavioral interventions.

CYA=Cover your (butt)

In other words my son has been having behavioral issues and what they did was observe him and tally up what they thought was the root causes on a form with a bunch of check boxes. Then they checked off boxes for things they thought worked, and others for what they thought didn't. They checked off a bunch of punishments they get to use when he is exhibiting these problem behaviors. This is to cover their butts, so that they can point to this document and say they informed me these punishments could happen.

CubeDemon: The fraction thing is not the main problem. It is a symptom. The teacher ignored the educational diagnostician about this specific example of non-compliance. The problem is that I have no guarantee that my son will have a teacher next year that knows what fights to fight and which ones are not worth it or counterproductive. The district is bound and determine to train non-compliance out of him b/c they feels like it is feeding his bad behavior.

I, on the hand, feel that despite having an awesome teacher, my son has had some stressful changes that are not out of his system. On top of it, every time they "try something new" to deal with a behavior the change in expectations and consequences throws him for a loop, and magnifies the stress. He is a sweet guy at home. Not always compliant, certainly but mainly non-compliant re: things that are hard for him and sensory issues. At home he is obedient as a general rule, otherwise, which is big progress, which he gets zero credit for, from them.

I think his issues have to do with stress relating to change and social issues, and they think he is just defiant and contrary and don't want to take any of the other business into account.

In the end, the point is that even with the best teacher change happens. He can't handle it, and he can't handle the stress of being there and following their rules. I know he needs these skills but my feeling is that given that he is 7 going on 4, I don't have to be rigid about time frame. I would rather he be a happy little guy with less stress than ram him through the system b/c it is supposed to make him more functional even if it breaks him and turns him into a neurotic mess.

3rd grade is when the standardized tests start and they will have no patience for his ways. He has used up any goodwill he had, and I just feel like it will break him, and they will turn him into the person they think he is.

Momsparky: I do not even know what I would want from them other than access to the curriculum, maybe. Normally, I would say speech, but the new speech teacher they got (and did not tell me about) while the teacher was ill, is horrible with him. That is one of the places he got into trouble because she has no idea how to deal with autistic children and is determined to make him play games he can lose and then get angry about, instead of adapting things sensibly.

Their approach now, seems to be baptism by fire, and he cannot survive that.

Kailuamom

Yeah, that is exactly my worry about keeping him in. I can see this was going in a very bad direction, and I have seen too many stories on here about or by kids that were kept in too long. I was this close to pulling him out this year, but I wanted to see him succeed and turn it around and leave on a a good note. I think I could have stood it for a week more, tops.

The public charter we have here would be the K12 Virtual Academy. (Anything not online would give me the same sort of problems we have now, only with less regulation) I was thinking about it but when I asked about it on a couple of websites it was pretty universally thought to be inferior to customized homeschool. I don't know what their special ed options are, because their customer service rep was salesy and not very informative.

Our state does not have stringent home school requirements, but I suppose the district gave us a hard time about it. The school would be glad to be rid of us but the district might miss the $$$.

You can ask (in writing, stating your reasons for the record about homeschooling) for a private in-home tutor on whatever subject you feel you'd like support - they may not give it to you, but at the very least, there's a paper trail that they have to account for. Send a copy to the school, the district, and your state board of education.

At the moment, it isn't about getting anything else for you - you have a solution for you and your child. It's about making sure there is a record of how they aren't providing an appropriate environment. In this way, they are held accountable and you don't have to do anything but write a letter - and maybe they will adopt a different approach for the next parent (or the one five parents down the line, or something...)

I'm sorry to hear they lived up to expectations. Good luck on your homeschooling journey.

I am always sad to hear about schools that just don't "get" it.

For what it is worth, I think you are doing the right thing. As great as it would be to teach a school district how to do it right so that other kids won't have to face the same ignorance, your job is to do the best you can by your one child.

I wish you all the best on this new journey. I really do.