A GIRL just called my son!

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She wants to get together to "hang out" tomorrow. I saw her yearbook picture and she is GORGEOUS! (not that that matters, but she doesn't look like the awkward, geeky type, ykwim?)



And what's the emoticon for nervous?

How old is your son? If your son has asperger's, he's lucky. Most teenage boys with Asperger's don't yet have the social skills to ask a girl on a date. Although, it can be learned and practiced like any other social skill.

He's 11.

I don't think this is a "date" and I am not even sure if 11 year old girls "like" 11 year old boys in that manner. Although I do remember the first time I "liked" someone was in 6th grade, so I must have been 11.

I did ask what he thought they might want to do (trying to be cool and nonchalant, of course ) and he said "We'll probably check out Roblox (or maybe it was Minecraft). She doesn't have it for PC yet and she wants to check it out before she gets it."

...perhaps looks can be deceiving! LOL!

Sounds normal and perfectly innocent to me. Girls and boys can connect over shared interests at that age and just be friends. Same as they would with someone of the same gender.

Be aware that 11 year old girls can be VERY mean and very subtle about it, but I actually doubt that is true in this situation. Just ... if you can spy without them knowing, I'd do it, for the "just in case."

My daughter (almost 13) is close friends with several boys, and one was even her "boyfriend" when she was 11, until she decided she didn't want to "date" at that point in her life. It was a little tricky getting it through to the guy that she still truly liked him, it was just the whole dating thing she didn't want to be involved in, but it seems to have settled out. She likes quirky, smart, creative guys who are, actually, a little like her ASD brother Other girls her age do "date," but that seems to be something the popular (and meaner) girls do more than the smart and studious group my daughter is in.

I've noticed that there have often been girls interested in being friends with my son, and it is always been genuine, just shared interests, but he doesn't seem to want to foster those connections. Not sure why; I know those girls, and they are smart and interesting. Oh well.

Thanks for the advice DW a mom!

I think this girl is probably nice. I know that she is one of the 6 kids who sit at his lunch table every day. There are 4 boys and 2 girls, but the other girl is a little "on-again-off-again." I think she would like to be a part of the "popular crowd" and takes any opportunity she can, but then comes back when she gets kicked to the curb.

When my son was younger, there were girls who liked to hang out with him and I think it was because they were girls who had a strong "mothering" instinct. They liked to "help" him and "take care of" him.

We shall see how it goes. This is only the second kid who has expressed interest in hanging out with him outside of school. It's nice to see his circle widen a bit

Aw, nice. Sounds sincere to me!

Overall, your son's social life should start to get better. Probably not bigger than it is now, but it should solidify. It may get worse first, with different kids feeling a need to jockey for social position (and making all the wrong moves to do so, usually at the expense of kids like ours), but then it should start to get better.

I'm sad that DS lost all his girlfriends in middle school (the group was separated into two schools, and a lot of the girls who included him went to the other one.) He really could use their help now that "dating" (which in middle school has no meaning other than the label) is a thing.

I'm glad your son has a girlfriend, or girl friend, or whatever. I think in general quirks are accepted better by the opposite gender.

My son is generally very gentle and kind. No macho posturing or trying to look cool. So I can see where some kinds of girls would like to be around him. He would never judge anyone for their appearance and would be very likely to say things like "Well, I think you are beautiful" and really mean it because to him, beauty is to be found in someone's behavior toward others. Last year for awhile his favorite song was the one that says "you don't know you're beautiful" because he had a crush on a girl who was not a popular girl and was kind of put down by the popular "pretty" girls and he really felt that she was more beautiful because she was kind and genuine and did not just join in the crowd and do mean things.

Apologies for being a wet blanket here, but I think the OP's son should get a word of warning or two about the "nice guy" trap. What prompted me to write this is the "very gentle and kind" description. I was "very gentle and kind" too. Did that get me a girlfriend? Hell, no! Needless to say, I got jaded and tried to be more like a jerk, albeit awkwardly and unsuccessfully, by sometime in my senior year of high school. Even then, I didn't go on my first date until the ripe old age of 18, with a girl I could barely stand to look at. And I didn't have my first relationship until age 23, with a girl who was actually kind of cute. So looks like your son is faring better than I did. Good job on that.

Perhaps you (the OP) should teach your son to be more judicious with things like compliments, gifts, etc. In other words, don't give a compliment unless the girl did something to deserve it (e.g. spent time getting dressed up or put in a lot of effort into making something), and not give a gift unless the girl proved herself worthy (e.g. made a really nice impression on him or it was her birthday, and in case of birthdays, keep it simple, since birthdays are "unearned").

I think it is very sweet. Awesome!

SILENT SCREAM!

So, I was actually coming on here to say there is an awesome side effect....my son cleaned his room without me asking him to!

THEN

I'm sitting in here typing the response above and I hear him arguing with his sister. He is ordering her to clean her room. She is resisting...and then he says it:

"Please clean your room! I have a crush on this girl and I want to impress her!"

Deep breath.

So, I tell him that he should be aware that she might not feel the same way about him. He said he knows that and he is fine just being friends with her, but she is really nice and really kind and he does like her. Then he said "There are lots of guys at school who are better looking than me and cooler than me, but she sits by me every day anyway, so she might like me too."

I am so not ready for this heartbreak stuff. I am already feeling protective and I shouldn't be. It's not fair. This girl could be a very nice girl.

Sorry, I am panicking a bit. I am not used to teenaged parenting.

...and I don't think I am going to like it!

Good luck either way!

It's horrible when our kids are stuck in things that are at the normal developmental pace, but they aren't really developmentally there, right? Sometimes it's important to remember that all kids of all neurologies go through this, and it's hard for ALL of them, even when it turns out the way everybody wants.

I have my fingers crossed for you and your son!

So far, so good. She is very sweet and very shy.

So shy, in fact, that she avoids eye contact...hmmmmm.....