Stresses/ Worries Question

Post Reply New Topic

Hello all! I am a graduate student working toward a degree in Applied Behavior Analysis. I hope I'm not imposing on your discussion with this question, but one of our assignments asks us to find trends in parent perspectives in relation to common stressors. If you are a parent of a child with autism, I would really appreciate it if you took a moment to share a couple things that cause stress or worries in your life related to parenting a child on the autism spectrum. Thanks for your time!

Coping with their low awareness of danger which makes them run off, like having a perpetual toddler.

Coping with their meltdowns.

As said above: meltdowns
sound/light sensitivity
Problem with friends or problems getting friends

None of mine runs away, actually they are very aware of dangers.

It seems we get these student questions from time to time. Just read a bunch of the previous threads of the forum. You'll quickly see the common stressors.

My four year old who is not diagnosed yet beyond social skills at 5th percentile:

Basically summed up as behaviors.

Specifics--

Being on edge every time I leave him somewhere waiting for a phone call to come pick him up early.

Being on constant watch at every outing to keep him from having a violent outburst at someone else, himself, other people's property, or especially a smaller kid.

Trying to figure out triggers for meltdowns and how to avoid them.

Well, all that is stressful, but a lot of my stress with him comes from trying to explain his behavior to other people or just generally deal with people who see him having such an adult way of speaking and assuming that since he talks any difficulty we are having with him is purely him being a brat and me not parenting him properly. Especially stressful when the people doing that are family.



My thirteen year old diagnosed HFA:

Biggest stress is that he is going to be an adult all too soon, and I have no idea whether he's going to be able to function well enough to do something productive in life that he enjoys, be independent, hold any sort of job, ever be in an adult relationship (and I think he is going to be interested).

Things that cause me stress:
IEP meetings, lack of education among school staff, balancing needs of siblings, dealing with irritability from ASD child when I am also feeling irritable, health insurance/health care costs, being able to find appropriate child care during non-school hours, having to take extra time off work for meetings and appointments or when said appropriate child care is not available, him hurting himself when he bolts from overwhelming situations at school, him not having friends, not getting enough sleep because at 7 yo he still always wants to sleep in our bed, misunderstandings, always needing to anticipate, plan ahead and generally be "on" all the time to avoid unexpected changes which will cause meltdown, when "the toy" that is the most important thing in the world at the moment gets lost or misplaced, not being able to move on to the next thing until; "the correct" lego piece is located and properly placed the new book is finished, the TV show is over...

Some of the things that relieve that stress:
His hugs, him telling me I am the best mom EVER, seeing his enjoyment in the things he creates like paintings, comic books, lego creations, paper airplanes, watching when he and his brother are playing wonderfully together, his unique perspective on the world, his enthusiasm for the things and people he loves, his honesty, seeing how he can make total strangers crack HUGE smiles (and not the laughing at him kind of smile but a genuine that-made-my-day kind of smile)...

Thank you all for your input, I am really appreciating it. I am a sister to someone affected with autism, and I am impressed that despite the differences in our community (needs, levels of functioning, family structure), there are many common trends in regards to stress and worries.

My Aspie son is presently nine years old. I would say that the biggest single stressor his condition poses for me, personally, has to be the stares, dirty looks and snide comments from bystanders in public places, particularly when he is having difficulty coping and starts to become agitated or loud. As an Aspie myself, with a long history of being bullied, this type of event throws me into panic mode. All I can think about is removing both of us from the situation as rapidly as possible. I've left filled shopping carts sitting in checkout lines on a couple occasions.

For my son (11 y/o), difficulty interpreting the intentions of others is a big stress. Sometimes he thinks people are bullying him when they aren't, and sometimes he thinks people are his friends when they are not. I feel it makes him especially vulnerable.

For my daughter (7 y/o), I think the biggest stressor is that she appears "normal enough" most of the time so that when her autism shows through it is often viewed with disgust by others. They think she is being a spoiled brat. I also am fearful for her because rather than melt down, she has a tendency to shut down and sometimes when this happens, she becomes nonverbal. I have had very dark thoughts about what could happen to her if this happened in an unsafe place or around unsafe people.

Overall the biggest stressor for me is judgement from others. An expectation that they should be someone other than who they are. That they are "less than" their typical peers. I honestly believe that peoples' ignorance and intolerance will hold them back more than their neurology ever will.