Is my mom an Aspie too?

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My sister is an Aspie, and now I am wondering if my mom is an Aspie too? I am a grown adult (29) but looking back I suspect much of my mothers strange behavior is Aspie-related. She would never get diagnosed, so I am wondering could anyone out there could give me their feedback? - I know it is not cool to diagnose people, but I need some help.

Does this sound like an Aspie parent to you?

1) She has a hard time with relationships. Many of the people in her life have left her or have given up on her.

2) Starting when I was very young, she would cry and talk about her adult problems to me.

3) She has a hard time holding jobs.

4) She obsesses about certain topics and tries to get you to debate her on them all the time.

5) She says really inappropriate things like, "after I gave birth I would pee my pants because your head was so big".

6) She doesn't respect boundaries. (ie: She took my personal address book my friends numbers for herself once.)

7) She would take Xmas presents of mine that she liked for herself.

She talks incessantly.

9) She talks to herself.

10) She doesn't cook, or keep house. You would think she was lazy, but now I am wondering....


Essentially the biggest problem is that my sister and I (and other people) just can't get along with her. And I really want to get along with her. It hurts us both that I can't be near her for long. I want to do better, I am worried about what will happen when she is old? I need to be able to have a relationship with her. She will need my help one day.

The most persistent problem is that she is supposed to be my MOM and all she wants to do is talk about 'her subjects'. I can forgive the fact that she never cooked or cleaned or did mom-stuff, I am 29 now...but I can't get past the fact that every conversation is a debate about 'her topics' and then that turns in to a fight. It is so tiring..... I wish it would stop. I hate debating and fighting. I hate debating and fighting about the same topics over and over again even more.

I am not a mom or an Aspie.... maybe I am just a whinny kid. But I have always thought something was off about my mother and I am trying to find a reason we can't get along. If my sister is an Aspie, I am wondering if maybe my mothe is too?

Thanks to you all for your feedback.

It sounds very plausible that your Mom is an aspie. I have two sons that are, and a father who I'm sure is (also undiagnosed, like your mother), and he sounds very similar to your mom. Amazingly enough, he was successful, because he was bright and accomplished and also happened to be a very handsome guy, but he sounds just like your mom, in that he loves to debate all the time, not caring whether or not he alienates people. He watches Cheers reruns and any British television comedies over and over and over, and doesn't understand why none of us other members of the family don't enjoy them as much as he does. He has had times when he would say very inappropriate things as well.

I adore my father. When he's not driving us all nuts, he is a wonderful, sensitive, sweet and thoughtful man. But he does drive us nuts sometimes. He is getting worse as he ages (he's 80 tomorrow!), and my mother is basically a saint for putting up with his nastiness towards her at times, but she also realizes that he's great at taking care of her, does almost all the housework, would buy her anything she so desires, and keeps in great contact with all the rest of the relatives (that doesn't sound very aspie, does it?). He's smart and funny and a really good man. But in our family, we have learned to call a spade a spade, and when he gets in one of his debate moods, we just all walk out of the room. There's no other option.

Kris

without any official dx, it's hard to say...could there be other issues that you don't know about ? like ADHD or alcoholism ? my mom was a closet drinker for my entire childhood~she'd say terribly inappropriate things and act quite childish. i had to take care of many adult tasks that a child should never have to be put in charge of.
in the end, a dx shouldn't change the way you treat her...she's a person . the bottom line should be how you choose to deal with her, not what her dx *might * be.