all time low

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This is long - I hope some of you take the time to read it, although it in some ways is just a way for me to "unload".
My son has is 8 and suddenly started having very violent meltdowns a couple of monthes ago. We're used to the whole autism thing, so we're relatively good at structure, schedules ect. but this was beyond all we had experienced before. I pushed to get psychiatric help, as all our normal (anti-medication) "sources" said changing routines, more structure ect. wouldn't do it, and advized medication. We started as out-patients with Zypreza for really bad meltdowns, max 2 a week or the sedative effect would wear off. At this point my son could have up to 3 REALLY bad meltdowns a day, so I was pretty nervous going into the xmas vacation...
At one point he hurt himself during a meltdown and needed stiches. I can take a fair few punches, but I was worried about my son really hurting himself and my other kids.
It is really evident to me that there is something REALLY wrong going on with my kid. I can't work out what, though, and I usually can.
We were offered the "rolls royce" of treatment last week - I live in Copenhagen, so all health care is public, and there are often long waiting lists, but we managed to jump the queue and were offered live in evalution at a childrens psychiatric ward, which was supposed to be the most "ethical" solution, so we could get testes like eeg done really fast and the staff could see him in all kinds of situations.
We were worried as a sudden trip to hospital is a TOTAL breach of all routine. The assured us they were used to dealing with all kinds of kids, and that it often was easier for the kids if the parents weren't around too much, as if they got used to the parents being there, it would be hard for them when the parents eventually weren't there.
We insisted on starting out nice and easy, so my son could get aquainted with the place and the people, and my son and I were there for the second day today.
It was hell.
When my son's "new" teacher introduced herself she was kiched in the shins. From there it went from bad to worse, as she quite loudly said "we don't do that here". He kicked, hit, bit, scratched,. threw furniture - you name it.
This is exactly what he has been doing at home, and we don't know how to tackle it - we need help for a "strategy" we can both live with, and which helps our son. I don't have good experiences with holding him, it doesn't settle him down, quite the opposite.
I have been "a pillar of strength" around my son, but seeing the staff hold him down made me cry, so I removed myself, thinking maybe they know what they are doing. (bad move, but I've been holding it in for monthes...)
A doctor was paged to give him medicine.
He spat it out, at this point, my son says, there were 7 people in the room.
I was gone for about 10 minutes. Then they called for me, as they weren't getting anywhere.
My son had wedged himself under a bed.
As soon as all these people had left the room, he came out, scared s**tless.
I got him to play with some lego I had bought for him, and he settled down.
We stayed in the room for the rest of the day, and came home in the afternoon.
Dear God, what should I do?
We can't solve this one ourselves, my son is disintegrating.

This, folks, probably sound totally dramatic, but I have to get it out in one way or the other, and I don't want my kids to see me distressed. Also, I can't solve this one myself. Any constructive help would be appreciated.

Hello there,

After I read this thread, it made me cry a little bit. I am sure that your son can be the nicest sometimes. What I did when I had meltdowns was a warm bath. If you could get him to take a warm bath, it may soothe him.

As for the medication: set some type of reward system. Don't show something in his face, but tell him "After you take your medicine, I have something for you." The Lego thing was a good idea, but does he have a particular interest? You can use his interest to reward good behavior. Afterwards, the bath and the reward can build trust. From reading the thread: your son has extreme sensory issues. Now, the meltdowns may be because of change in his routine. The Xmas vacation was a big change for him. There is nothing you can do about that, but does he have seperation anxiety? If he doesn't then you can't do anything about that either, because he could probably hurt a babysitter.

What are his favorite foods? What does he like to watch on T.V.? What kind of games does he play?

Give him something to keep him busy so he can feel comfortable, and afterwards, ask him "Are you feeling better now?" and if he gets fussy, then say "I like it when you are happy, did you know that?"

I pray that this helps you, for the sake of your son.

Thank you so much for answering, dgd1788.
Yes, he is a wonderful, loving, clever boy.
I'll try the warm bath - he loves warm bathes with pokemon figures to play with.
He seems to have worse "sensory issues" then ever before, the smell of banana on his brother's breath is more than he can cope with.
I hurt so much for him.
He likes numbers (numbers are his "friends"), maths, mazes/labyrinthes (really hard ones). Pokemon, lego, and Narnia on Play Station. He loves watching his brother play/sometimes playing World of Warcraft. Cats, platypusses, ants and other insects. Also construction: he has perfected building with wooden blocks, he can balance them, only one touching the floor, hundreds balanced in symmetry above.
I had never thought of rewarding him for taking meds - but you are right, it may be the only way forward.
I think he has realised that he can't do what he sees his brother doing - playing with other kids ect.
I am so sad for him.

Also. I don't know enough about seperation anxiety, but if he is with his "special" teachers who understand his needs, I think he is happy.
He has gained weight since he started at school, and his taste has become more narrow, he has always hated tomatoes, oranges, avacados ect. He likes MEAT at the moment. Also melon, plain yoghurt, and rye bread. Before, he played a lot outside. Now it is hard to get him outside.
He likes 1,2,4,8,16,32,64 ect. and 3 and 9.

Just to be really depressing -he hit his best friend from school this week. She also has ASP and is now afraid of him. All his boundaries seem to be disintergrating. He is sad because he can't play with his class mates at school - he has been isolated because of his behaviour. The isolation is making him even more sad.

Isn't 1,1,2,3,5... the same kind of game? Or do I not get it?

An ecconomical game?! I'm not so good with money (but I do like numbers).

so sad to be in your place....i agree with dgd~ reward him for taking meds, but be clear about what the reward will be & make the reward something manageable for you ( maybe the reward is 5 extra minutes on the computer or that you play a game with him using his rules). keep going with the same routines...and clearly explain to him ( when he's not in a meltdown) what the consequences will be when he melts down. now, i'm not saying he should be punished for a meltdown, but he should know exactly what will happen when he becomes out of control . at the school i teach at ( non-integrated SED ~autism, aspergers, MR etc), we've found as many different techniques that work as we have students. not every intervention works with every kid. unfortunately, trial and error seems to be the best method we've found for determining what works for each kid. some kids can recover from a meltdown by sitting in a quiet spot with a weighted blanket wrapped around them. ....others find physical activity comforting ( walking, working out)....others find destroying things comforting ( tearing newspaper, tearing old cardboard boxes).
best of luck !

He shouldn't be allowed to hit people because that is only going to cause more problems when he gets older. There are a few wrestling holds that can protect a person from being hit and kicked. I know he can't help the meltdowns but there has got to be a way to get him to understand kicking and hitting people is wrong.

I wonder if he would be prepared to lash out at a punching bag instead?

It would also be interesting to know if something had happened to him just before he started having all these meltdowns. Perhaps someone at school had done something bad to him, such as bullying, and it all finally got too much for him.

If he's got severe sensory issues, it could even be something as "simple" as a different brand of disinfectant being used in the toilets or a teacher with a strong perfume.

I'd just like to say your a great mother Katrine.

Whilst your Son can get out of control, your very supportive of him.

My parents were never like that.

At the risk of souding stupid what is a meltdown like without the hitting? I've only seen my son. Is it a rage of screaming and shouting, and if so how does all that feeling come out without a physical side to it?
I have followed your advice and have made a reward system for taking meds.
I'll definately try paper ripping, a boxing bag ect., but once he is going, it is often very hard to intervene: maybe I should get in there when I sense he is on the way to a meltdown?
Actually, thinking about the weighted blancets, what he wants, in his own words, is a box with air holes in it to crawl into. I'm thinking this is the same kind of idea?

And, everyone, thanks for the kind words.

meltdowns can occur without the screaming and hitting~ person begins to pace, then sits down & rocks back and forth with hands over ears, sometimes muttering. rocking accelerates.
( this is how our son is).
the idea your son has for the box sounds intriguing~i'd be sure that the box was not something that would entirely enclose him, though. that could be quite dangerous. weighted blankets are great at applying pressure to one's body without causing harm. the added pressure can be very soothing.

it's generally a good idea to try and prevent meltdowns when possible. sometimes, though, it's just not possible to prevent one~and getting into the middle of one could result in you getting hurt. it's hard to say what exactly you should do.
remember, every day's a new day. take a deep breath & keep going. i'm sure you'll figure things out over time.keep up the great work !

When your son has meltdowns, is it a "fear" reaction? I think my son may have become more sensitive and have less excess to cope with any unforseen event, but I'm not sure why. The meltdowns often but not always end in an anxiety attack.

About the box. He knows exactly what he wants: a box small enough to sit squashed in ( about 1x1x1m), with a hinged lid and air holes. I hadn't thought of it being dangerous, but think we will go ahead with it as we are getting pretty desperate....

These meltdowns started quite suddenly and with no apparent change in his daily life. He had been having meltdowns at school (but not at home) and the school isolated him as they didn't thnk he could cope with his very small class. They are doing what they call "extreme autism" management (I don't know the proper term in English) i.e extremely detailed planning, schedules, what sentences are spoken ect. They have literally synchronized their watches! Also 1 adult all the time.
After this, he apparently does better at school, but we are seeing meltdowns at home. One possibility is that he suddenly needs a hugely scheduled daily life to cope - more than we have been able to give him at home with 2 other kids, shopping ect. And that the difference in detail/structure suddenly became too large.
He himself says the "isolation" is making it worse because he misses his friends - but this is only part of a bigger picture.

By the way the reward system for taking meds worked like a dream! Thanks!

My son had meltdowns too. They did not involve hitting or biting others; just himself all except once. He out of the blue punched me in the arm when he was 16 or 17. He is nearly 25 kilos larger and 20 cm taller than I. I made it clear that a repeat performance would result in my calling the police and he would be removed from our home, either to jail or the mental hospital. He never did it again. I think your son is way too young for that tactic. I ache for you. I think his idea of a box is a good one you should go with. Since it is his idea it may give him a feeling of having some control.