Parent Feeling Alone and Depressed

Post Reply New Topic

Everything is still confusing to me honestly. The way I understand if after he turns 6 (unless he is evaluated for ASD and found by them to have ASD) he will lose everything including IEP and any services they are currently offering. I can always ask that he be reevaluated in the future, but again services are limited for private school students. I realize my plan may change, but I do currently plan on keeping him always in private school. I am going to try and not stress myself too much at this point. I will see how the next few months go. At least I have now told the school/teacher about his diagnosis and even if it's not in writing they are aware.

EMTkid- Thanks for giving me your experience with that. It helps to hear that from someone that went through it. I honestly have feared that I don't want him to feel that what he wants to say is unimportant. I liked what you said you have been doing with your son...helping him prepare and practice for a situation where he will do the talking. I am definitely going to try that with my son.

What exactly is confusing you?

I would maybe make sure they have in writing the diagnosis and that it is logged into his record by signature of at least the person in charge of IEPs. Just as a CYA, for that time when somewhere down the road, there is a problem and they come to you and say, "We collectively have no memory of being informed of this diagnosis, so we are just going based off the information you gave us, and he doesn't qualify for this reasonable accommodation."

But I am pretty paranoid and tend to wait for the moment in any given non-nuclear family member relationship, when the other side decides to screw me over.

Confused in the sense of the importance of his IEP if he is NOT going to be in public school. It seems that the IEP doesn't do a whole lot for him if he is in private school and just seems intrusive to have all these other people knowing stuff about him, if minimal services will be offered, and I don't plan on using those services. From my understanding, an IEP or 504 plan carries no weight in a private school, they do not have to abide by it. Now, of course, the hope would be your private school would work with you and want the best of your child and use that information. That is why I declined any evaluation at this time. I didn't feel like putting my son through all of those tests again ( the representatives from public school said they would not use any of tests done by his dr because she was a Psychologist not a Medical Doctor). Now if he were in a public school I believe it would be a whole different situation.

I feel people play a lot of mind games when I am discouraged. At better moments, I would say they are waiting to see if there is what they consider to be an educational impact before acting. That's public or private school, makes no difference. Until the child fails to manage adequately without special ed, they don't want to do it. Hopefully some kids who look behind grow out of it, I don't know.

Your job is to be your child's advocate, while showing patience and understanding for what they need to do. Because it works better that way. Two or three hours of special ed teacher help, 30-60 minutes OT or speech per week, that kind of thing is worth a lot IF the provider is good. Because it helps, because it educates teachers when they see it and have some time with the provider, and not least because it provides an island of support that your child can feel during his school day. Those kinds of things can happen in a private school. And I don't think they are minimal, they can make a difference. And they can help your child.

What I struggle with in a private school is despite relatively good behavior by my children, one has ASD, one has a reading disability, and the feeling of being shunned by other parents is awful. The teachers seem kind. But I notice no one wants to be around me. And wonder what I'm doing wrong, then feel miserable because I think I'm unlikable. And then something will shift, and I'll realize that things are fine around parents of the other "normal" child. And that it's the parents whose children are around the child who is struggling in school who will barey speak to me, while elsewhere people still treat me as me. It horrifies me at every level, but I ask my kids, and so far as I can tell, they are feeling decently treated during the school day. So it does seem the teachers keep things under control, create a kind experience for my children.

There is a cost of going public when you don't fit in. There is a cost of going private too. People don't quite understand a child who is different, maybe it frightens them, I don't know. And there are fewer different children in a private school. So long as your child is well treated there, you can soak the unpleasant aspects up. But getting services is hard either place. You'll do it if you need to. The key is I think deciding where your child is overall going to be the most comfortable and learn the best.

I have no regrets getting public services even though used a private school. Like you, I think. Because that was overall the best for my ASD child, as they could modify things more to make sense for her. And they did that very well. They adapted to her and she to them. And though neither got or gets a lot, hopefully it is enough. And does help the teachers to have some help so they feel encouraged, and learn, in addition to the direct help for the child. Improves the atmosphere to be working together to help the child.

I'm just down over the way parents get confused by differences and avoid me. Apparently you need to have a child who is easy to understand to be acceptable. This is worth it for my kids, though not easy. I guess overall, though, I think it isn't a out how much you can get on an IEP, it's about finding the best match of school for your child.

That makes so much more sense then. I had somehow misread (or possibly just assumed) that he would be going into public school.

And yeah, whole different game.

I see, you were thinking about the present. I was thinking more about the future. Many times even a high functioning child with ASD may struggle and need help organizing thoughts to talk, or write, or get things done as they get older and the demands increase.

I find asking for services within private and public schools remarkably similar.