Father of a young adult with Aspergers - need some advice

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My 21 year old son has Aspergers. He's living at home and attending college. He suffers equally from social anxiety and loneliness - he has no friends and doesn't trust people enough to make friends. I haven't been able to find a local community he can join - is there a good online community? I'm hoping WrongPlanet is the place - where do I start?

This is as good a site as you'll find where ASD's gather. Bear in mind, it's not a replacement for counseling or real life friendships, but you'll see us talking about life with Asperger's from a perspective you'd otherwise have a hard time finding. Tell him about us, but don't oversell the site, let him check it out on his own.

You might see if you can get him to participate in an interest he already has. For example Ham radio, bowling, darts, science fiction, or writing or drawing. Most of these interests have social gatherings where he could make possible connections with people.

Churches (even with all their faults) can be places to make social connections.

He does not have to make a connection with another Aspie. You might be able to help in develop some social skills by targeting someone you both know ( a convenience store clerk perhaps) and see if you can visit and shoot the breeze periodically. This might help him have a model of light conversational banter that he might then try to use himself.

If you are in the US you might be able to find a local GRASP support group.

http://grasp.org/page/grasp-support-groups

One question I want to ask is, what does your son want?

A lot of adults with ASD really, honestly, prefer to be alone.

My son, age 16, has always been drawn to people, so it worried me as he cut his social circle down. And down. And down. But I can't ignore the fact that he is perfectly content with his life, and doesn't want more close relationships than he currently has. I've also observed enough (recently chaperoned a class trip) to realize that he is capable of socializing appropriately, when he puts his mind to it, and his classmates seem quite comfortable with him. So, I back off.

But if your son does not know how to socialize, or wants a larger circle than he has, that of course should get worked on. Easy place to start is a club or group for a shared interest; many Aspies joining gaming groups. If you have a specialty gaming store in your area, check their schedule.

If there is a lot he needs to work on in the "know how department," I would look into speech therapy. My son got social skills and non-verbal communication training through speech.