Meltdowns

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Are these more common in ASD? My 5 year old son seems to be aware and have some insight. He will say things like " I wish God didn't give me my brain, my brain won't stop thinking about this" or " I can't control my body, it just does these things, this is how God made me". I truly don't think he is manipulating me. I see the upset and sadness after the meltdown or angry episode happens. I try to handle the situations with calmness and love, some would say I am not being strict enough. Other times I yell at him, then I feel bad. He has a lot of sensory issues and things will set him off. Other times, just unexpected or out of routine things will set him off. And sometimes, I just can't figure out what set him off. Most mornings I am in a constant state of stress and anxiety anticipating how the morning drop off will be at school or how his day is going to be. I know this can't be healthy for me. How do you all handle the stress?

About that "What sets him off." All you can do is monitor situations over a long time and try to find links. He as well wont be able to find the reasons for his behavior, because it takes lot of experiences. Its nothing else like a normal kid suddenly venting in disneyland, because of no "cap with goofy ears" available. If you have mad enough experiences you might be able to know, that because of the excitement of the disney land trip, you were not able to sleep as well, as you normally do. Additional there were lots of sugar stuff, causing me to have blood sugar spikes, excitement all day, weird situations that were in general nice but in a too huge quantity .... A normal kid simply could tell you, that he was lucky the day before to drive to disney land, that the sweeties were super, that everything that happened in disneyland was super, and that he doesnt know, why he suddenly got so sad about that dumb cap not being avalaible.

For him its the same. Tons of things, triggering his meltdown, are for an 5 year old very hard to realize, and its very frustrating to be afraid of yourself, because of yourself not knowing, when you will be ticking out again.

Try to find certain links. Is he more likely to have meltdowns, when there were special occasions? Dont only think of negative things, so I was as well happy to go to birthday parties of schoolfriends, but did not realize myself, that they were on one side funny, but on the other side drained me and forced me to have some relax time afterwards for a few times. Family visits always were a hard time for me, even when I in general like the visitors. So I felt happy to see them and that they came, and would have told you so, if you asked me, but still it caused me to have more problems during that time.

If your kids is yourself interested in managing that meltdown better, and finding solutions for having lesser meltdown, its a good thing. So he maybe will agree in doing several "test" to maybe find out reasons, causing his meltdown. He could as example try a diet reducing certain foods like milk and gluten, that has shown for some autists good effects. Or you could try to find stuff, that may complicate his life, without him realizing that much. For me clothing already was a bad tasks, because in my wardrobe there simply was everything: Winter cloths, summer cloths, cloths that were for family celebrations, hiking cloths, ... After moving out and having only my explicite seasons "normal everyday cloth" in my bedroom wardrobe, this has become so much better for me. As well as the general mess in the morning became better for me, when I organized everything in my bathroom in the series that I use it. About that "cannot stop my brain thinking about it", if my thoughts spin around wildly, it helps me if I do something physical exhausting and silent, like cycling, swimming, ... for at least 30 minutes. Cannot tell you why, can only tell you that it works.

Simply try, try, try (without stress) and exerience by the number of meltdowns, what works and what does not work.

Thanks for your reply. So in times where I know what the trigger is, do I try to avoid this things for him? Or how do I help him better cope with these triggers at 5 years old. The comment such as "I wish I didn't have my brain" was spurred on by a complete meltdown because I cleaned his playroom and all his cars he had lined up. I realize now I could have at least given him a heads up about that. He obsessed about how his cars would never be lined up exactly like that again.

Family visits are tough too for him. He never wants to go to anyone else's house. Once we get there he seems fine, but it's the buildup for him. It's just exhausting. I wish I could just make everything better for him. I need to try and look into diet triggers. He is a pretty picker eater so it would be tough to cut out foods from his already narrow options. Loud noises set him off, but I can't always control noises.

I hope it gets easier. Some days I think I am going to crack.

It depends. Its a struggle between things I can change to make them better and things that I need to avoid, and things I need to do, and the ressources I have for all of that.

So as example I recognized that noises massively disturb me, and that I am very sensitive about them. That can be helped as example with noice reducing earplugs that I wear. When it comes to family visits, I tend to care to have the dates not to close to each other, so that I can rest. I arranged many things sorted in my home and structured in my daily routine, less because I need it that way by all means, but the more everything is sorted, the less ressources I need for such stuff, the more ressources I have for "dealing with the world". As well that when you are in the middle of action, because of you being so busy, you dont get to "listen inside yourself how you feel." The more you learn doing that, the better chance you have, realizing yourself, when you are exhausted, and so in danger of getting an meltdown. May sound weird, but sitting on the toilette is a good thing for doing that. Normally people dont disturb or talk to you, when you are there, and you do it regularly a few times a day, so its a good place to calm a bit, and check yourself for signs of tiredness or negative excitement, by checking your heart frequency and other things.

"Breathing meditation" is something that can as well easily be done everywhere, even on toilettes, its no miracle but helping as well. While you hardly can say to relatives you visit, that you need a break from them to medidate to endure them further, asking for the toilette doesnt bother most people. ^^

And do those things (Caring for how you feel.) as well for yourself. If you crack, that wont help your son. Maybe a day without you might excite him negative, but if you crack completely, that will be far more negative exciting for him, so care for yourself and see if you can get somehow a day off for yourself. Being a good mum, you can do best, when you are a healthy mom.

I just posted this on another thread, but it seems to also apply here;

My son is now 15. When he was little we would have him sit on a chair until he could get his self-control back. Only once was it so bad that I had to do something more drastic. I filled the tub with water and then picked him up still screaming and placed him in the tub. I think the sensation of water was so surprising that it broke his meltdown, and he could almost "escape" that which held him prisoner.

Now that he is older, we are experimenting with various supplements. Most have no effect and are discarded. He has found some usefulness with Lithium Orate, L-Theanine, and Mucuna pruriens. I leave it up to him to use what he finds useful. He has described the above supplements as being useful in decreasing the intensity of compulsion he has found in his thoughts that contribute to a meltdown.

Before experimenting with these, I would caution that you do research of these substances and always start with a miniscule amount in case there is an adverse reaction.