New here--Mom of 5 year old Aspie

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Hello everyone,

My name is Angie, and I am a 31 year old wife and mother from PA. My 5 year old son, Aidan, has Asperger's syndrome. The diagnosis is new for us, but from the time my son was 3, my husband and I knew that something was "different" about Aidan. He started preschool this year and it was a nightmare--he wouldn't transition, he didn't socialize properly with the other kids, and he had emotional meltdowns when things didn't go his way. He is a very bright child who loves numbers, plants, and cars, and while he wants to have friends, he has a very hard time conversing with other kids. He prefers to be around adults.

Right now, we are in the process of having our son evaluated for kindergarten to determine what services he will need. The school district and school psychologist have been very helpful, so hopefully Aidan will have every opportunity for a bright future. I wanted to introduce myself here because I am feeling very alone right now--the other kids in the preschool class are all NT and I don't have any other parents to talk with. My husband and I experience a rollercoaster of emotions, and I am really looking forward to talking with everyone here and finding some support. I have been reading this forum for a few weeks and it seems like a great place!

Nice to meet all of you .

Welcome to WP!

There is no reason to feel alone here... I am always around somewhere to talk too!

Actually, I have a bit of a problem, and I am stimming on here for sure....

I gotta stop... but I can't!

Thank you for the warm welcome, EarthCalling!

Hello and welcome to WP.

I know what you mean about the emotional rollercoaster!!

My son is 7 and has Asperger's. He only got diagnosed a few months ago but we'd know there was something different for >18 months before hand.

It's great he got diagnosed so young - the earlier the intervention the better.

I think it's a difficult time when they're first diagnosed and you're determining what services are needed. I had never heard of Asperger's when his teacher told me she thought he had Asperger's. She has a son with Asperger's so recognised he had it immediately. THank goodness for her.

It gets much easier as you learn more about it and services get started.

THis website is an invaluable source of support and information.

How have the other parents been? I found some are good, but some judge you to be a bad parent with this ratty kid and if he just had a bit of discipline he'd stop those screaming fits and would cooperate ...

Good luck!

Smelena

welcome!

I hate it when people do that! We had so many fingers pointed at us before our daughter got old enough that people saw how differently she behaved compared to her brother and started realizing that his behavior is not caused by bad parenting.

Getting help early is so important! It might be good to try to find out if there are any other kids close to his age in your area who have a similar diagnosis. My son immediately clicked with another little boy who has autism, and will seek him out and show him things, which really surprised me.

Transitioning is a problem for my son too. Has the school tried using picture schedules?

Thank you everyone for the nice welcomes! I really appreciate it. It's been a rough weekend for me.

I also hate it when other parents give us disapproving stares. Yesterday my father made a comment about how I should spank my son because of his "strong will". I'm receiving very little support from my parents right now, which is sad because my youngest sister is on the spectrum as well. Luckily, friends and other family members have been wonderful.

There are other Aspies who attend the school where my son will be starting next year--I hope to get in contact with their parents soon. I am also looking into support groups in my area. I just feel so alone and so sad right now--I'm trying to stay strong for my little boy.

He does like picture schedules, and they have helped with the transitioning. He has sensory issues as well, so we'll be getting him an OT evaluation soon. I am so anxious about all the testing he has to go through, but I want him to have the very best chance for a successful life.

Thanks everyone for your support! It means a lot.

You need to be firm with your family. When your father says stuff like that, you need to tell him, "this is a neurological condition, not a behavior issue". Spanking is going to do little good, and may actually make the problems worse, lower his self esteem, and cause him an insufferable amount of anxiety.

I would try setting rules and bounderies, if he steps out, he needs coaching to get back in. If he step out again, then remove him from the problem if at all possible. A good "swat on the butt" is not going to do much good at all. If your parents refuse to be understanding or learn more about ASD's, then you need to limit your contact with them.

Anyway. It usually gets easier with time, not worse. Keep your head high, best wishes!

Welcome Bugsmom! great to have you here.


I'm 24 yrs old and was DX'ed with AS when I was 14. Always nice to see parents looking for practical solutions to the issues they face with AS children, instead of ignoring the issues or being in denial.

Hi Angie. I have a 7 year old son that hasn't been formally diagnosed yet, but we're on our way. I've known since my son was probably 2 or 3 or even earlier that something wasn't quite wired correctly, but I couldn't put my finger on it. I know EXACTLY what you're talking about with your parents - mine were the same way (and my husband's family won't even accept my son's diagnosis at all), and it's a tough road. I think it's only been recently that my parents have finally figured out what I've been trying to tell them. I feel for you, but all I can say is that you have to be advocate for Aidan, even when it comes to your parents - because if you don't, no one else ever will - and I'll be Aidan looks to you as being his "safe place". I know that's how my son feels about me, and while it's a huge weight at times, I wouldn't trade it for anything.

I know of no one else at my son's school with AS, and yet it's very difficult to find people who really understand what AS is. They think it's a simple parenting thing - and yet I know, and you know, it's not even close to being that. I mean, sometimes I want to look at these people who give me "that" stare and say "Yes, I see what he's doing/not doing - don't you think that if I could teach him to say hello/look you in the eye/etc. that I would have already DONE that? I mean - that IS the easier thing to do, isn't it?" People just don't get it - and yet if I think about how hard it is for me, I still can't even IMAGINE how difficult it is for my son at times. I mean, he's got to navigate this foreign world!

Welcome to WP. My 5 year old son was diagnosed just over a month ago. He also has a lot of sensory issues and OT has helped tremenously in only a few weeks. Less tantrums and better sleep make for a happier family!

Good luck. Don't feel alone. In just a month, I have found a safe place here. I can rant and there are lots of people to listen and give advice.

Jess

Hi and welcome to WP!

I am 19 and have AS, ADHD, Depression and PTSD

It is nice to see on here that some parents do actually care and want to learn about their sons/daughters.

Nice to meet you

Welcome to WP.

Thank your lucky stars that your are getting help and guidance so young. Our son, is 8 and going through the dx process now. But, he just doesn't understand when he does things wrong.

Our community here in SC is small, I am not sure whether or not they have a support group. I too, felt lost but WP, does and awesome job of helping you feel like your not alone. I luv not feeling like I am the only dealing with the same issues many parents have/are dealing with. It truly is great.

I do have a confession: I have become a WP addict.

Thanks again to everyone for being so kind. I already feel at home here, and I look forward to learning more about all of you! I don't feel so alone anymore.

I'm so glad to hear people having the same experience as me with people not understanding and thinking it's a discipline issue.

The classic from my m-in-law was 'Daniel's just going to have to learn to do what he's told and that's all there is too it'.

Hope you don't mind me venting!

Smelena

Vent away! I've been there too!

My husband and I read countless books about discipline issues....nothing worked. One day in February, I picked Aidan up at school early because he had several meltdowns in the space of an hour. I remember calling my husband in tears while Aidan raged and stormed in the backseat, and it was at that point that I knew we needed professional help. I only hope that things will get better from here.