What to do if hubby cant handle it anymore!! !?

Page 1 of 1 [ 11 posts ] 

lovelyboy
Sea Gull
Sea Gull

User avatar

Joined: 29 Jul 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 247

16 Dec 2013, 12:02 pm

Me and my hubby has had it with our sons behaviour!! !!
My hasband is so tired and yesterday almost attacked our son and saying very bad things to my son!! ! This is causing so much stress in our relationships....We tried to fix it today, by going to the movies, having chats exct, but we as parents is overwhelmed by our sons behaviour!
My sons irrational behaviour is getting worse, we thought it will get better with maturity! The last straw was when we realized yesterday he took my credit and debit cards out of my purse to try and register an account on the internet to watch a movie! He tries to steal money, we found a lego figure he "stole" from the shop...then he lies about the insidents....
He still soils his pants, and the other night he even messed in the bathroom( will not elaborate...:( )
He shows deviant behaviour...has a terrible attitude....is rude and hostile and shows very little respect!
We have tried everything!! !! All the fancy tricks in the books!
My hubby is very tired of it all and we are even thinking that maybe it will be best if he moves out of the house to shorten the time he needs to deal with our son! But this is to expensive!
How do you guys stay calm and focused as a family!?
How do you keep your family together with a child who's behaviour disrups the whole family and all is suffering!?


_________________
Married to a great supportive hubby....
Little dd has ADHD with loving personality and addores his older brother! Little dude diagnosed with SID and APD.
Oldest son, 10 yrs old, diagnosed with AS and anxiety and OCD traids


Niall
Velociraptor
Velociraptor

User avatar

Joined: 12 Feb 2011
Age: 48
Gender: Male
Posts: 478
Location: Forth Estuary Area, Western Palearctic Archipelago, Sol III, Orion Spur, Milky Way

16 Dec 2013, 12:15 pm

I'm not in the situation, so I'm reluctant to say too much.

First, this kind of acting out seems inconsistent with Asperger syndrome alone. Most aspies will learn toilet protocols with little delay, for example. It looks to me like there is something else going on (perhaps an attention deficit problem).

That said, thinking about it in terms of Intense World theory, perhaps it might help to de-escalate the situation. Your son acts out, hubby can't take it, hubby yells at son, son can't take it, son acts out, round and round in intensifying circles. A crowded cinema at this point may be exactly the *wrong* thing to be doing.

The key here would be to lower the stimulation in the environment. This might be at home, assuming your son finds home to be a secure place to be - remember routines are important to aspies. It might be somewhere your son feels comfortable, but this would have to be somewhere with low environmental stimulus (no shopping centres, cinemas, sports grounds and so on). I spent long hours in the woods as a kid, and still do.



Silas
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 30 Sep 2010
Age: 50
Gender: Male
Posts: 58

16 Dec 2013, 1:33 pm

How old is your son? 10?

Does he have a diagnosis? What kinds of tests and evaluations have been performed?



lovelyboy
Sea Gull
Sea Gull

User avatar

Joined: 29 Jul 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 247

16 Dec 2013, 1:40 pm

Hi Niall..thanx for the reply...
I agree with you about minimizing stimuli...we just wanted to get out of the bad atmosphere at home:) We are on holiday now, so plenty of routines are different, but his behaviour was the same at home!
Its just this new thing of lying and stealing and challenging preteen behaviour! Its as if he cant seem to make the connection between bad judgements and consiquinces! He gets stuck with irrational reasoning and NOTHING seems to have lasting effect on him! We are prisoners in our own home! Hiding creditcards, money...putting pass words on every computer, because he cant be trusted witht the internet!


_________________
Married to a great supportive hubby....
Little dd has ADHD with loving personality and addores his older brother! Little dude diagnosed with SID and APD.
Oldest son, 10 yrs old, diagnosed with AS and anxiety and OCD traids


lovelyboy
Sea Gull
Sea Gull

User avatar

Joined: 29 Jul 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 247

16 Dec 2013, 1:52 pm

Silas....he was assessed by a peadiatric neurologist and psychiatrist who diagnosed Asperger/PDD NOS.
The clinical psychologist and social worker was thinking more in the direction of bipolar, but the psychiatrist dont agree!
He was also diagnosed by speech therapist with auditory processing disorder and occupational therapist with sensory integration and modulation disorder!
He seems to have above average IQ! Does well academicly, but has terrible poor motivation!
He is 10 years old and is on 50 mg Zoloft daily for obsessive thoughts and anxiety.
He is emotionalily irritible and can easily explode into full blown meltdown, especially when things doesnt go the way he predicted it! He needs to be " entertained " the whole time...gets annoyed when he is bored and often puts his mind on something and then gets obsessed with it! When he gets into this mode, no reasoning will help...he doesnt want to be alone and will keep on fighting or nagging us....


_________________
Married to a great supportive hubby....
Little dd has ADHD with loving personality and addores his older brother! Little dude diagnosed with SID and APD.
Oldest son, 10 yrs old, diagnosed with AS and anxiety and OCD traids


League_Girl
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 Feb 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 24,297
Location: Pacific Northwest

16 Dec 2013, 2:13 pm

I think your son has more going on than just autism and anxiety because I never ever stole from my parents except I took their credit card once and ordered something from online but it was that one time and they told me it was stealing and I didn't know that. The way you describe him sounds like he has more going on than what he is diagnosed with.


_________________
Son: Diagnosed w/anxiety and ADHD. Also academic delayed.

Daughter: NT, no diagnoses.


Silas
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 30 Sep 2010
Age: 50
Gender: Male
Posts: 58

16 Dec 2013, 2:37 pm

Well I have a son who is Aspie and another with PDD-NOS

What sounds unusual here is the lying and stealing, or the anti-social behavior. Many kids on the spectrum do not exhibit those traits, and in fact are "too" honest--my son never lies, because I am not sure he can (he thinks literally)

Is he in school or homeschooled? What is the environment like in the school?

I am highly skeptical of SSRI drugs, and think they largely do more harm than good (if they do anything beyond a placebo is in question after numerous studies). Zoloft causes wicked insomnia, fatigue, sexual disfunction and other issues, so I would take a look at that.

don't panic about some of this other stuff (like the bathroom for instance). My 10 year old sometimes has to change his underwear because he is lazy with the wiping or isn't eating right. It is annoying, but you can set consequences for it to encourage him to be more thoughtful and consistent.



cyberdad
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Feb 2011
Age: 52
Gender: Male
Posts: 15,023

17 Dec 2013, 8:42 pm

Hi Lovelyboy,

I was in a similar situation to you with our HFA daughter. We really had no choice but to go down the medication route (despite the warnings) in order that she cope with school and not throw enormous tantrums at home. Despite our misgivings she is coping so much better but still provides enormous challenges.

I have read that 70% of marriages involving an autistic child end up in divorce. With your experience and our own family I'm really not surprised that the turmoil faced can lead to a break up.

One thing that would really help would be access to extended family or close network/community who can help. If social resources are not in proximity and it's possible to relocate work then move closer to your family (if that's a feasable option).



AardvarkGoodSwimmer
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 26 Apr 2009
Gender: Male
Posts: 7,186
Location: Houston, Texas

17 Dec 2013, 9:56 pm

With the OCD, has a doctor considered the possibility of PANDAS?



lovelyboy
Sea Gull
Sea Gull

User avatar

Joined: 29 Jul 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 247

22 Dec 2013, 11:15 pm

Hi, cyberdad.....family not of much use....My parents think the reason for my sons behaviour is our inability to parent him...They only see his behaviour as rude and manipulative! No insight there....We try and organize playdates with his fellow nephews as much as we can....

We were even thinking of boarding school, but dont think an ASD kid will do well in that environment!?


_________________
Married to a great supportive hubby....
Little dd has ADHD with loving personality and addores his older brother! Little dude diagnosed with SID and APD.
Oldest son, 10 yrs old, diagnosed with AS and anxiety and OCD traids


cyberdad
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Feb 2011
Age: 52
Gender: Male
Posts: 15,023

23 Dec 2013, 6:04 am

lovelyboy wrote:
Hi, cyberdad.....family not of much use....My parents think the reason for my sons behaviour is our inability to parent him...They only see his behaviour as rude and manipulative! No insight there....We try and organize playdates with his fellow nephews as much as we can....

We were even thinking of boarding school, but dont think an ASD kid will do well in that environment!?


My daughter likes playing with my nephews and nieces but unfortunately they all live interstate.