Extreme emotions

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My 5 1/2 year old Aspie has been becoming more and more emotionally extreme lately. I know that (or at least I am reasonably sure that) he is sincerely feeling these extremes, but I am not at all sure how to help him process them without 30+ minutes of sobbing or full blown meltdown. Also, his need to be in control of every little detail is greatly increased. I'm sure some of it is the stress of the Christmas season, and the last week or so of having his brothers out of school and in the house all day, but this is something that has always been present at a low level and built up to a real problem the last 6 weeks or so. I've also been getting a bit frustrated with him, because he refuses to be independent. I still have to dress him, and usually undress him, brush his teeth, hand over hand to pick any of his things or messes up out of the floor. He is capable of doing these things, he just doesn't want to, and I've yet to find anything that will motivate him toward wanting to. He usually flails and struggles the whole time, too. He is getting more and more often where he refuses to speak, instead using 1 finger for yes and 2 fingers for no, or using made-up words or other hand signals to communicate. And the more stressed and controlling and emotionally extreme he gets, the more helpless he acts and the more he clings to me. He's back to refusing to even go near his dad, and punching or otherwise trying to hurt his brothers any time they get near him.

It just feels like generally a major setback.

sounds to me like he has you trained pritty well. does he have any interests other than you? do you think his attitude would change for the better if you disappeared for a while? sounds to me like your kid is one serious mommas boy. sorry in advance if you took that the wrong way. a new invention for a soundproof room for endless amounts of crying and sobbing would be nice. I was the youngest of four children, they picked at me real good. sometimes I bruoght it on myself, and cried alot because I didn't know what the heck was going on. it should pass in a few years. it's kinda like the terrible two's at five I think. I was like that, but not that bad. I was left to fend for myself alot too, parents were buisy. that might have helped.

No offense taken. I know he is an extreme Mama's boy. He has interests in playing video games, watching Youtube videos about video games, and in lining up Super Hero Squad action figures. We're having big sensory problems with him, because he is a sensory seeker, but has a very low threshold for overstimulation. He seeks out input, frequently flopping around on the floor and slamming into things, but gets so over wound. We've got a sensory diet prescribed by an OT, but haven't been able to tweak it just right yet. It's like all day everyday is a giant feedback loop for him. He craves the input, gets it, gets overstimulated, feels out of control, gets more demanding and controlling, then gets even more wound up when one of the little rules he has created for himself (without telling the rest of us, or that are impossible for the rest of us to respect) is violated, ends up in trouble for screaming or being violent, and then ends up in the 30+ minute sobbing or the all-out screaming, flailing, rolling around the floor, hitting anything in range meltdown. All of it is like one of those old fashioned wind up toys. Everything cranks up the tension for him like winding the toy, until the springs and gears break, but for him that is meltdown.

There's got to be some way to short-circuit the process--to unwind him. When he's happy, he's not so clingy and dependent, much less violent and controlling, and much more open to new experiences and dealing with people who aren't me.

ooh my. you have a toughy on your hands. sounds like you have it figured out pritty well believe it or not. everything in moderation. I remember my mom telling me to take deep breaths. it didn't help too much, but I remember it, and I do it now. it is good to think left when you exhale too, because the left side of your brain gets rid of all the junk. he is probably too young to practice recapitulation. I also remember yanking on my mom, or dads arms, and saying "walk". those walks were really nice. I usually did that when they were fighting. it was a good "time out". hopefully he will find more things to keep him at peace, and figure out how to put his pants on one leg at a time. some of thise things happen out of want or need. mimicking his emotions in a positive way, to get him to understand how he feels may help, or do the exact opposite. weird, and sometimes a little off and wrong i know, but we are. does he have any "unbreakable" mirrors around him? can he see how he feels, and look at his emotions. more weird i know, but we are. I remember one time I looked into a mirror when I was really really sad, and crying my eyeballs out. I did not like what I saw, and for some reason I kept myself from doing it as much. however I would not recommend making him look at a mirror. im sure he will use it if one or five are around him. some of us learn faster than others, most of the time slower is better, and it is a good idea not to push it. if he ever gets it, he will fly. im sorry if I cannot help much or any at all. these things do take time, and patients. sometimes forever. sounds like he is out of diapers. that's a real plus. you could also try and ask him questions that require more than a yes or no answer. casually wait for a reply while tending to other things. simple things. like car, or boat stuff. weird, off and wrong I know, but we are.