Need advice on Social media and Autism

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Hello I'm new here, my 17 yr old is diagnosed as Autistic/PDD. He has ither issues such as OCD and anxiety. Recently through his school as a social project, he aquired a social media account where teens go on and ask questions for advice. I had no idea about this for a while. He asked for an account before and we said no. I was not comfortable with him being on that particular site because people tend to say mean things there and because my son is overly sensitive. Well long story short all things that could go wrong did due to a misunderstanding...he was called a troll, unfriended, reported and received a warning from the Adm. He has had several anxiety attacks due to this, crying spells and meltdowns.
Does anyone have any advice?
Any suggestions on how we can help him and keep him away from there? He seems to be dependant on this place because it's where teens go for help.

Send him here. The "help" isn't age group specific, it's just an open autism support group, but the members here are generally quite friendly and civil to each other. It's one of the least rude places on the internet I've encountered.

I agree, I've seen occasional posts that could be misinterpreted as troll, and people still seem to respond in helpful and calm ways. It doesn't explode like on other (neurotypical) forums.

Also - an important piece of advice for text communication in general. It's doubly important to give people the benefit of the doubt. There is so much social context missing, which can easily lead to misunderstandings. You should ask your son to come to you immediately if he sees anything that upsets him on a forum, e-mail or text. That way you can walk through how he might interpret it. I would encourage him to think of multiple interpretations and try to pick the most forgiving one as a sort of working hypothesis until he finds reasons to believe otherwise. Even if he makes mistakes like he did before, if he has you there for extra support, it may prevent it from snowballing, and more importantly, turn it quickly into a learning opportunity. Maybe teaching him what he might be doing that contributed to the problem - again looking towards the future and working on important general social skills.

My nephew got in trouble with the school over their social media page for a similar thing. Being labeled a troll and making really stupid threats. He's an Aspie too.
(the threat was trashing something on Minecraft)

I would not keep him off the site. Why? Because it is a skill he will need.

Is there anyone (peer/relative) you could trust to help teach him how to navigate places like FB/Twitter/Instagram/Pheed? Show him what was a miss step, and how he could handle it better next time?


My Aspie husband can not do social media or the net at all. He has to write is huge wall of block text to any reply. If you disagree, he will write another wall of block text (because Aspies like to be precise lol..), and nit pit each part the person disagreed with him. Then he starts hunting the person down on other threads. The person calls him a ret*d, moron, jackass..whatever, and my husband has a huge melt down.

He has the meltdown because he feels he wasn't heard. Well, forums aren't democracies, and most people don't care if your feelings were hurt. Social media isn't for the faint of heart. I get bothered as an NT when someone attacks me. Though I have the sense to back way or just hit the delete key.

Does you son realize "likes" are similar to flavor of the day? In reality they mean nothing. That "friends" on social media is no way similar to real life? That people get unfriended for variety of reasons? Your son sounds like he's at a 13 year old level rather than 17, and that makes all this doubly hard. I think frustrated is a better term than sensitive. He can't figure out how to communicate. He gets frustrated, and lashes out because all his energy was spent on trying to do it "right" and it fell short. Not to mention deciphering ratty faced teen posts that are designed to annoy and bait.

Frustrated means you can figure this out. Sensitive gives you a reason to stop trying.

I'll pick apart my husband's issues, maybe they are similar to your son's.


My husband issues with social media are

-writes WAY to much information without being asked, especially for general questions

-has a burning need to prove HIS point. The thread has moved on, and he MUST bring up old issues that weren't addressed in his mind. But nobody else cares. More hurt feelings.

-has no clue when a disagreement has run it's course, and shouldn't be brought up again

-doesn't know Godwin's Law-this will get you a label of troll if you don't know when to invoke it.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Godwin's_law

-when someone is baiting you, you need to move on-he can't see the bait. Just because someone writes you, doesn't mean you must respond.

-write nothing you wouldn't wanted on a huge billboard on the freeway/interstate highway, the net is forever!

-opinions are like noses. Everyone has one. Sometimes you have to agree to disagree, hopefully politely.

I hope the above helped somewhat. Social media is hard for NTs. I can't imagine what it is like for a teen Aspie.

Good rules for social media are good rules for small talk (because, basically, that's what social media is):

1) Short-- no more than 5 to 10 simple sentences, and that for a complex issue. Two to four is usually a better rule.

2) Sweet-- rosy-pink, pablum-positive, literal-level, single-entendre ONLY. Say NOTHING negative, critical, figurative, sarcastic, metaphorical, et cetera et cetera. It's like the newspaper-- you are writing for an audience on inattentive, insecure eighth-graders.

3) Standard-- say nothing personal or private. If you are REQUIRED to talk about "a problem," ask about jock itch or smelly socks or pimples or something. You don't go to social media with REAL problems-- not even school-sponsored sites that are moderated by every guidance counselor on the premises. For REAL problems, you hire a therapist.

Thank you for your replies. He is not doing well, it's gotten serious. I really wish he'd never been introduced to that site. It's an answers site where teens and young adults go to ask questions for help. It's full of nonsense. Though he is 17 and yes in some ways high functioning, he at times is like a 5 year old and doesn't understand certain things. Especially social situations. This has settled in his mind playing over and over again. The only question he wants answered is- how can I make it right again? Because no one has the answer he becomes like a child who can not communicate, he cries, jumps and twists his limbs and we have to cradle him like a baby. Very hard to see him like this. He does have therapists but being that we are in the holiday mix it's hard to get one on the phone.

Is it anonymous?

If it is can you explain to him that no one knows its him and he can start over with a blank slate and a new account and the only person who might know is an admin who can see IP addresses or something?

I used to have this exact same issue. I would go on forums (um back then called bulletin boards I guess) and then I would say something unintentionally rude and get the smack down. When I learned I could just make a new account and "kill" the old identity, it got better.

I agree that after a rest he needs to try again. WrongPlanet might be a safer place to try first though. This is a skill he needs.

General rules I still follow:
1)Short sweet and to the point. Say it in 2 sentances or less if possible (oops! breaking this rule, it's ok though).
2) Keep it objective.
3) If you find your self with a hot head and typing furiously.... copy it into word or notepad. Save it. Leave it for 4 hours. Come back and read it. If you think you MIGHT have gone off the deep end in som eway, delete it. Don't respond.
4) If you think you are misunderstanding something, just like when talking to someone, repeat it back to them the way you understand it: example

OP "My mom is crazy orange cats is what she likes."

Ask for clarification "Are you saying that your mom is a crazy orange person who happens to like cats? Or are you saying that your mom is crazy BECAUSE she likes orange cats?"

I find that with my daughter, and myself to a lesser degree, bad grammar leads to HUGE misunderstandings. We take what is said literally and do not account for an error in wording and go to the simpler explanation, instead we take it at face value. So in reading my example, my daughter would incorrectly conclude that this persons mom is crazy, orange, and likes cats. What the OP in this example is actually trying to say (With poor poor grammar which there is a lot of on the internet particularly in the 20yo and less crew) that their mom is crazy for liking orange cats.

I can't tell you how many post wars I still get into over this issue on other forums only to find out ten posts later that OP had bad grammar and I completely misinterpreted what was being said.