How to deal with 3.5 yo's incessant special interest chatter

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ellemenope
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02 Mar 2014, 5:19 am

I feel like I'm losing my mind. 8O
DS recently moved from a special interest in the solar system to maps of the earth.
We try to be supportive of his special interests so we provide him with materials that will make him happy in learning more about them. So now we've taken down a lot of the solar system and planets stuff and we have maps and globes and stuff all over the place. He's ecstatic. And he's learned a lot of cool stuff. But...
I get so sick of the constant recitations of country facts and capitals, etc.
I just snapped a bit on him and I feel terrible but seriously... it's really driving me nuts.
He has assigned everyone a country name (he did this with the planets too) and calls us by those, anything you ask him you get a reply about some unrelated country fact or a question about a country. When he's upset he screams about countries. My mother-in-law got him these country flash cards and he plays with them like they're action figures.
He's too young (3.5) to really get it when we talk about how it's polite to listen and talk about what other people are saying and all that social crap he's supposed to eventually learn.

A lot of the time we engage with him in his talk about his obsession of the moment because we want him to know he's an important part of the family and we care about what he says and thinks and feels. But sometimes I feel like putting a freaking muzzle on him! :(

I know this is totally normally for Aspies and that someday he'll hopefully learn the skills to know when (and how much) it's appropriate to talk about his obsessions. Lots of you parents have been through this same thing over and again- how do you stay sane without murdering your little Aspie? :oops: Any methods to have them take a break off it? Headphones used to work for my little one but he now he adds lyrics about countries to whatever he's listening to and becomes even louder singing them. LOL.



MMJMOM
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02 Mar 2014, 11:40 am

lol good question!! !


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AspergianMutantt
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02 Mar 2014, 11:45 am

He is to young to have such a focus yet, he needs to be socializing, its at those young ages he picks up on those needed scocial tools the most. keep it simple, like you would action figures and blankets and stuff, don't feed it more then you have already, wait till he is older. he may get mad, but your going to have issues regardless. esp since it sounds like your spoiling him with them. just like with everything moderation is the key, and to much or to little is never good.

Although that is impressive for his age, try moving onto flash cards of the elemental tables, it might get him interested in other related healthy things. but as I said, he needs to be learning social tools, he should be playing with other kids.

Just to note, at that age esp. he will hunger for anything that gains approval from you, he wants to be a big person and fit in too. he may back off if you lessen your own interest in those activities and swing it some other direction.



AspergianMutantt
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02 Mar 2014, 11:55 am

Instead of helicopter parenting, try attachment parenting, instead of giving him things to do so you cn do your own thing, involve him in your activities, teach him how to cook an scrambled egg even, I did mine at that age. he loved the attention and it tought him life skills.



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02 Mar 2014, 2:54 pm

My son has had special interests since forever, seriously, before he could even vocalize it. It is normal for many autistic children.

We have this issue, still, at 8, and we are still trying to get him to understand reciprocity and that sometimes people honestly don't care and/or get sick of this. When my son was in public school, it did not matter how mean kids were about his special interests. He cared more about the interests than about having friends. In my son's world, there is nothing more important to him. Social opportunities, in our case, have not helped at all, it just widens the potential audience.

The child has to care about fitting in and making friends. Our son would want friends but mainly as an audience not as reciprocal friends. So that is why on posts I sometimes say he wants friends and he doesn't; Not enough to curtail certain behaviors, anyway. YMMV

When he was that young we could not effectively reason with him, but we laid ground work with social stories. They are not necessarily going to bear fruit right away as he will not change his priorities until he chooses it, if that makes sense. We do make him pause so my husband and I can talk and make him change subjects when we need him to, but he turns it back as soon as he is allowed. I think it is one of those things you can lay groundwork for, but a developmental light has to come on to fully implement it because it really does require buy-in and a desire to follow social rules. People with better success will hopefully also post, but that is our experience. When he was an infant, he used to babble without taking a break for Mommy to talk back, so in a way he has been doing this since then. :)

Edited to add: My son had a phases of the moon interest at 2, that turned into the Solar System and he also loves, loves, loves maps. I wish our kids could hang out, despite the age difference. :)



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02 Mar 2014, 4:34 pm

Most 3-8 years don't shut up about their special interests. Lol..

3-5 don't have a clue about time and place. And they want to over share about whatever is in their little heads. Around 7ish is when they get the clue the world doesn't revolve around them.

At 3.5, it's status quo to corner mom and wear her ear off.

I would actually give my NT daughter a 5 min span to talk, then I gently broke it off. Small talk lasts about that long for one topic. Good training for talking and listening.



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02 Mar 2014, 6:59 pm

I found my son at that age and up to about nine did not differentiate internal and external talk so he talked almost nonstop. I would listen and engage for a while then say, mommy's not listening right now so tell me if you want me to hear something. It got butter as he got older.


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02 Mar 2014, 7:35 pm

Eureka-C wrote:
I found my son at that age and up to about nine did not differentiate internal and external talk so he talked almost nonstop. I would listen and engage for a while then say, mommy's not listening right now so tell me if you want me to hear something. It got butter as he got older.


Yep, this is pretty much what I did. He got some active attention, then I tuned out. For a while, I had a technique of every so often, repeating the last thing he'd said, and nodding or ummming. But yes, I would tell him that I had to concentrate on something else, or had to give my brain a rest, so he could talk and I wouldn't be listening for a bit. It was really bad when I was driving, because despite myself I would get distracted by what he was saying and I can't count the number of times I missed turnings, and on one horrible occasion I actually ran into the car in front of me at traffic lights! 8O I was going very slowly at the time, but of course, it was a very expensive, new BMW I ran into the back of! :oops:



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02 Mar 2014, 7:49 pm

Marcia wrote:
Eureka-C wrote:
I found my son at that age and up to about nine did not differentiate internal and external talk so he talked almost nonstop. I would listen and engage for a while then say, mommy's not listening right now so tell me if you want me to hear something. It got butter as he got older.


Yep, this is pretty much what I did. He got some active attention, then I tuned out. For a while, I had a technique of every so often, repeating the last thing he'd said, and nodding or ummming. But yes, I would tell him that I had to concentrate on something else, or had to give my brain a rest, so he could talk and I wouldn't be listening for a bit.


Same with my son. To be honest, at that age, I could completely walk out of the room and he'd keep talking. Sometimes I don't even think he required me to be listening. He just wanted to talk.

And talk.

And talk.

When he got around 6 or 7 (I think), we introduced "I'm bored, let's talk about something else." Followed by "I am no longer looking at you/fidgeting/sighing/rolling my eyes/etc. What do you think that could mean? I'm bored, let's talk about something else."

I don't know if there is much you can do about it at 3.5, to be honest, but when he gets older, this may seriously hamper his socialization opportunities, although at 12, my son has a friend who has similar special interests, and the kid actually told me that one of the reasons he loves my son so much is because he can talk about Minecraft for hours on end and he doesn't care! :) He can also talk about ancient civilizations, and although that is not a special interest of my son's, he does understand how fulfilling it is to talk about your special interests, so he sits and listens for as long as he can take it.


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ellemenope
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09 Mar 2014, 5:27 am

AspergianMutantt wrote:
Instead of helicopter parenting, try attachment parenting, instead of giving him things to do so you cn do your own thing, involve him in your activities, teach him how to cook an scrambled egg even, I did mine at that age. he loved the attention and it tought him life skills.


I'm going to assume you didn't mean to be offensive or over-assumptive, but you have been. You don't really know much about what I do with my kid and to what extent I do it, nor do you know what "style" of parenting I ascribe to. I am a stay at home mom and I do a lot with my kids. My son is rarely off on his own, he is certainly not spoiled, and I interact with him a lot as well as provide him with lots of social activities. And for what it's worth, I have to disagree with what you said about now being the time he will pick up on social things. I think he will learn about social interaction when he shows an interest in it, and for him, that's not happening right now.



ellemenope
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09 Mar 2014, 5:27 am

AspergianMutantt wrote:
Instead of helicopter parenting, try attachment parenting, instead of giving him things to do so you cn do your own thing, involve him in your activities, teach him how to cook an scrambled egg even, I did mine at that age. he loved the attention and it tought him life skills.


I'm going to assume you didn't mean to be offensive or over-assumptive, but you have been. You don't really know much about what I do with my kid and to what extent I do it, nor do you know what "style" of parenting I ascribe to. I am a stay at home mom and I do a lot with my kids. My son is rarely off on his own, he is certainly not spoiled, and I interact with him a lot as well as provide him with lots of social activities. And for what it's worth, I have to disagree with what you said about now being the time he will pick up on social things. I think he will learn about social interaction when he shows an interest in it, and for him, that's not happening right now.



ellemenope
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09 Mar 2014, 5:30 am

ASDMommyASDKid wrote:
My son has had special interests since forever, seriously, before he could even vocalize it. It is normal for many autistic children.

We have this issue, still, at 8, and we are still trying to get him to understand reciprocity and that sometimes people honestly don't care and/or get sick of this. When my son was in public school, it did not matter how mean kids were about his special interests. He cared more about the interests than about having friends. In my son's world, there is nothing more important to him. Social opportunities, in our case, have not helped at all, it just widens the potential audience.

The child has to care about fitting in and making friends. Our son would want friends but mainly as an audience not as reciprocal friends. So that is why on posts I sometimes say he wants friends and he doesn't; Not enough to curtail certain behaviors, anyway. YMMV

When he was that young we could not effectively reason with him, but we laid ground work with social stories. They are not necessarily going to bear fruit right away as he will not change his priorities until he chooses it, if that makes sense. We do make him pause so my husband and I can talk and make him change subjects when we need him to, but he turns it back as soon as he is allowed. I think it is one of those things you can lay groundwork for, but a developmental light has to come on to fully implement it because it really does require buy-in and a desire to follow social rules. People with better success will hopefully also post, but that is our experience. When he was an infant, he used to babble without taking a break for Mommy to talk back, so in a way he has been doing this since then. :)

Edited to add: My son had a phases of the moon interest at 2, that turned into the Solar System and he also loves, loves, loves maps. I wish our kids could hang out, despite the age difference. :)


Yep if they could hang out they could talk each other's ears off about their shared interests and leave us out of it! I wonder how that would work out?
We have some social stories about how to participate in conversation and things like that, we read them together, and I try to talk about it but it's like in one ear and out the other at this point. Maybe it'll click for him one day and he'll be able to control it better.



ellemenope
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09 Mar 2014, 5:31 am

Tawaki wrote:
Most 3-8 years don't shut up about their special interests. Lol..

3-5 don't have a clue about time and place. And they want to over share about whatever is in their little heads. Around 7ish is when they get the clue the world doesn't revolve around them.

At 3.5, it's status quo to corner mom and wear her ear off.

I would actually give my NT daughter a 5 min span to talk, then I gently broke it off. Small talk lasts about that long for one topic. Good training for talking and listening.


Maybe I'll try that- giving a time limit before we HAVE to talk about something else if only for a minute before he goes back. That'd be good practice.



ellemenope
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09 Mar 2014, 5:34 am

Eureka-C wrote:
I found my son at that age and up to about nine did not differentiate internal and external talk so he talked almost nonstop. I would listen and engage for a while then say, mommy's not listening right now so tell me if you want me to hear something. It got butter as he got older.


Yeah, this is definitely part of it. I guess if my internal talk leaked out like it does for my son, I'd drive everyone crazy too, lol.



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10 Mar 2014, 1:37 pm

We went through a period where my 4 year old daughter was quizzing everyone about names, numbers, colors, and fuel sources of Thomas the Tank Engine characters constantly, so I can relate! One of many reasons we suspect she might be on the spectrum but haven't pushed for a diagnosis at this point.

Something to keep in mind is that it's normal for even NT kids at that age to talk constantly, though you try to teach things like not interrupting and not waking up baby brother, etc. It's important to teach any kid good manners according to their ability. The NT parenting advice I've heard is that if you listen to what interests them now then when they get older (preteen, teen) they'll know you're willing to listen when it's really important.

Something that helped was meeting a family with 3 NT children who all love trains. It's their family hobby; dad goes to model train shows, etc. So my daughter gets to learn to socialize with kids around her age with her special interest acting as an incentive.

A scientist friend of mine (super out-going and always looking for social opportunities) is also a stay at home mom, and has just organized an informal "science class" for her 4 year old and friends. I wonder if you could find or start a science club for your son? At least you'd get to chat with other moms, which makes up for hearing kid talk all day. :)


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