something to smile about…"she's just like me!" my

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So I am pretty fed up with "normal kids" being so incredibly rude to my son. I decided to have my son join a special needs volleyball team in the hopes he would make some friends. My son is actually very high functioning, but has some speech problems and other issues which sometimes make him not "seem normal" to other kids, thus he's been bullied more times than I want to even remember.
Anyway, the special needs team at first did NOT seem like a good fit, as I saw that my son was actually a bit shocked when he saw some of the other kids doing things "he thought were strange", such as having tantrums, etc. but I decided that I could not expect "normal kids" to be nice to my son if my son also didn't learn to accept other kids with more severe autism.

Anyway, fast forward a couple of months and I decided to start asking parents to go out to dinner after the games (like many other kid's teams do). Being that they are autistic mostly, I found a quiet Denny's and decided to ONLY invite one other child the first time. The first time for BOTH of them was a little tough, but after that, we went out again as we knew that they would find a way.

Last night we went out to dinner for the 2nd time and the girl was talking about something and of course, the mother said to her "no, don't talk about that, remember, you shouldn't be talking about that (some special interest she has that is actually more geared towards much younger kids). I was SOOOO proud of my son as he told the mom "no, please don't tell her not to talk about that, that's what she likes and we are just trying to talk to each other…it's ok" When we got home I asked my son if he had a good time and he said "mom, it was AWESOME…X girl is JUST LIKE ME! we say crazy stuff sometimes but she is JUST LIKE ME!"

So, if your kids aren't being asked to go to birthday parties, other events, etc…find at least ONE kid who has a similar diagnosis. Ask the parents to go out to dinner or something…the first time might not go great, but I promise you that it will be incredibly rewarding to see how "well they get along with other kids like them" and also, for the parents, it was incredibly nice to be able to do dinner with another couple AND their autistic child and not have to worry about looks or constantly telling their child to not talk about something or make some noise or stim…

That's a really nice post, and thanks for sharing. I've sometimes encountered situations where parents really try to keep their kids with ASDs away from other kids on the spectrum, because they want to maximize the time that they are exposed to NT kids, and learning from them.

It's important to point out, as you just did, that there is value in simple companionship. Even if it isn't always teaching your son to blend in. It's teaching him that he's not alone, and that's just as important. I know two kids; one only speaks in single words, while the other uses sentences. They are best friends at school. They sit near each other, they give each other fist-bumps, and they share their food with each other freely. They barely ever talk, but it's clear that there is an important connection there.

I'll also throw in that there is a lot of research to suggest that kids who teach others often learn more through teaching than from being taught. If your son is slightly more socially skilled than his friend, he may still be getting something educational out of the exchange.

So good job being open minded, and I'm very happy that it worked out so well for you!

Whatamess - what a nice story to hear! I would like my daughter to meet some ASD girls, but so far we haven't found where to meet them yet. It must be so nice for your son to finally meet a kindred spirit.

My son tends to get along better with girls right now, probably because they don't have the alpha male thing going on. He seems to bring out the hackles in other boys, playing for dominance. My son loves to be in control and doesn't like giving it up easily, but I think he finds if he must, it is easier for him to do so with a girl.

He is in an integrated program for ASD kids. In the program (but not in his specific classroom) there is a girl who actually lives not too far from us who shares a bus on the way home with him. We had a playdate and it was a little awkward but the kids at least got along alright (meaning no meltdowns!) He lamented later that the girl "didn't talk to (him)" and seemed sad by it, but I told him not to worry, that it was just her style and she meant nothing bad by it, that was just how she was. He seemed to accept that explanation and there were no further discussions about it.

I think opposite gender friendships are easier for autistic people. I always preferred them, and my son gets on better with girls, also.

I think the same-sex rules are harder and people of your own gender do not always cut you slack. Also, the kids willing to brave the gender divide during the "boys/girls have cooties stage" tend to be non-conformist, and more forgiving of not knowing/following conventions. The act of befriending an opposite gender child at that age, is non-conformist in and of itself and therefore indicative of that kind of flexibility.