NT parents - do you go to other forums here?

Post Reply New Topic

I'm an NT parent of an ASD 12yo boy. I spend time on this parenting forum, because it's obviously pertinent to my situation. I also go read and lurk on some of the other forums, that are mainly geared for participation by people who are ASD. I am actually learning a lot about how the autistic/asperger brain works, and it's helping me to understand better how my son thinks.

I'm just wondering if this is OK. I try to avoid posting/commenting in those other sections, because I obviously don't have first person experience with a lot of what gets discussed, and I don't want to butt in. But I have to admit, a few times it's been hard, like when I see people bashing NTs. I have to remind myself that this is a safe place for ASDs to vent, and it's not a situation where I should try to defend.

I'm relatively new to this site, and don't want to be offensive.

I think your approach is fine. I also think it's fine for you to post in other forums sometimes, depending on the topic. Just don't expect a lot of social niceties. As a very aspieish woman, I find the other forums very relaxing and freeing. I can just speak my mind without worrying that I will inadvertently offend someone. Because I have an aspie son, I also visit this forum, but I try to be extra tactful when I post here.

I am not NT, and I don't lurk or post on the other sub-boards very often. I am unofficially diagnosed, and there is some controversy as to whether that "counts" and I do not want to get into debate over that with people. I lurk more than I post there. I have posted questions on there asking about resources for special interests for my son that I think others might have more insight on. I have found this help very useful, and no one has been rude to me when I have done this. I have also very occasionally posted responses to new items or offered advice on things I thought I might have insight on, but not terribly often.

I like being able to read ideas from anyone kind who has interesting ideas. I originally identified as having a family member with AS looking for parenting information, but was lurking and posting elsewhere besides the parents forum, and someone posted and PMed their disapproval. It was upsetting, so changed my profile and now am uneasy responding as you're looking for NT responses!!

Most people at WrongPlanet, though, seem accepting of differences. And the majority seem to stop obsessing about labels after being here awhile.

I don't see anything offensive about wanting to better understand others, especially your child. I think the reason for bashing of a whole group is often a lack of relating and understanding and that your trying to understand is a good thing. Not everyone will see it this way, but you're never going to make everyone happy.

I'm NT, and sometimes lurk on the general board (not as much lately as I have other websites I like to browse.) On occasion I have posted when I think I have something to add to the discussion, for instance if someone is requesting advice on how to handle a situation and I can give an NT perspective of what might be going on in the minds of the NT people they are dealing with or how a proposed action might be perceived. I would identify myself as NT in the post if it seems relevant, and have never gotten any negative feedback from doing so.

I do not have ASD. I do have ADHD. I post on the general forum and no one has ever told me not to. I have a feeling that some of the people don't like me, but that's ok. I don't like all of them, either, but that doesn't mean that we can't still learn things from each other.

As for the NT bashing...I have become mostly immune over time, I suppose. I think that to rise up against it kind of just proves the point as to why some people do it in the first place. Many people on the spectrum (I think particularly adults who never had the benefit of a diagnosis and the related levels of understanding) have been harmed by the ignorance of NTs. They lash out. To then turn around and point out that they are lashing out and behaving inappropriately is just another example of an NT, who can't possibly understand what things are like for them, telling them how to think or what to feel, or what standard they should live up to. When I understand the behavior through the lens of their experience in life, it doesn't bother me as much. Perhaps I would respond the same way if I were in their shoes.

Actually, after my daughter was diagnosed, the single most helpful thing for me was to read things written by autistics. I honestly do not understand how someone without ASD can parent a kid on the spectrum without reading things written by people on the spectrum.

That is really lovely, InThisTogether.

I'm a parent who is also diagnosed with Aspergers.

I like hearing from everyone. (In some cases, it's helpful to know the neuro-orientation of a poster to better understand the words and ideas).

I also find it important to hear diverse thoughts. It's completely possible - moreso with the ability to seek out niche groups through the internet - to isolate oneself into a "belief bubble". To actually grow, we need diversity. And that doesn't mean all of the "diverse" people huddling in a corner.

I'm not really a venting type, though.

Same with me. Usually I am reading the general forum. As for NT bashing it doesn't really bother me. This is supposed to be a safe place for autistics to vent so let them.

I posted on the children's forum asking for advice about what they wished their parents would or wouldn't have done when they were younger(my little guy is 4). I got really insightful and respectful responses. It was actually some of the better advice I have gotten and will definitely do it again if I need more direction. I really haven't lurked, but wouldn't be upset about bashing. Everyone needs a space to vent and be themselves, esp when the world isn't so open to way the express.

OR
people with autism
autistic people

I'd think that PPR and News would be perfectly ok to post in no matter what your status is. We all have opinions, and we all read about world events, so I can't see how posting there would upset anybody.

Sorry I should know better.

I see no reason to be embarrassed. I know plenty of autistics who prefer "autistic" over "people with autism." In fact, when my daughter was first diagnosed, that was one of the first questions I asked (and believe me, I asked plenty of stupid questions that verged on the point of perhaps being disrespectful, but I was lucky to be surrounded by autistics who understood my inquiries were genuine and that any offense was simply due to my ignorance and my need to learn) was "how am I supposed to refer to her? Autistic? Has autism? Person with autism?" Most of them chose "autistic" for themselves personally, but they said that the choice really had to do with how you view autism. And that no matter where I went, I would find people with strong beliefs one way or the other, so I should just do what feels right for us.

I don't object to "autistic" as an adjective, only as a noun.
She is autistic. -okay
She is an autistic. -not okay, and kind of weird usage

IMHO

I like it when NTs post on the general autism discussion and especially on the social skills forum because they have better social cognition and can give us insight on how 98-99% of the population see things. It's quite useful, I think, although I tend to have unpopular opinions among my peers.